I don’t know what to do

Things are getting so much worse and I feel like I can’t handle it. I’ve just started year 10 and the homework and classes is getting too much and I feel like I’m under so much pressure. Ik from here it’s only going to get harder and that scares me so much I already have to do my exams out of the exam hall in another small room from my anxiety and I do t think I’m going to cope. I’m not loosing as much weight as I’ve planned recently and I all I want to be is skinny I’m no longer close with any of my friends as I’ve distanced my self. They all go off with out me and it makes me feel so unwanted I know I’m second best and just the fat friend but I don’t know what to do no ones seen my sars on my wrist but I’m scared they will and they’ll tell everyone I’m already known as the depressed girl who doesn’t eat but now I’m also gunna be known as the suicidal one too I can’t help my self the it takes some of the pain away I try so hard to be perfect but yet my grades are dropping too. Recently on social media this anonymous messaging page is being used I set one up and had so many people saying the hate me and that I should die I don’t know what to do 😩

[TPepper]

Hello.

I just want to say that even though things feel bleak, they can get better.

1) Most importantly, talk to a GP. Please. Tell them about your feelings. About the eating and feeling suicidal and anxiety. Have you been diagnosed or are you yet to go to the GP? If not, then they can offer you support i.e through counselling / therapy.

2) I think you should report the people who are saying stuff online. It is cyberbullying and it is not acceptable at all. Tell your teachers, parents or police. It is really sick of these individuals to tell you to go die and that they hate you. Please do not stand for it. I have been bullied too and it took a huge hit on my confidence. I wanted to die at some point but I pulled through and now I am in Uni and I am happy. I did not think I could ever get onto the other side.I felt trapped and like I hated life. But trust me, it is possible to pull through.

3) I think, as hard as it can be, maybe try reconnect with friends. I know it is difficult and that this will be a challenge but I found that having friends in a crappy time - even if they did not understand - made things a little bit better.

I know the pressures of education are a lot. It really sucks that it is stressing you. I am at Uni at the moment, sort of on the other side, so believe me when I say that education, whilst important, is not the most important thing. Your health and wellbeing is. So don't push yourself if you can't.

What is your home situation like if you do not mind me asking?

Hope what I have said helps. Hang in there! Pm me if you want. xxx

[Hidden in reply to TPepper]

Thankyou so much for taking the time to write this. I have been diagnosed with anxiety by the school nurse I don’t know exactly if that counts but they’ve just kind of brushed it past. I told my friends about it and all they can say is oh well they’re saying it anonymously because they won’t say it to your face but the messages really hurt and I’ve had so many, I think I’m going to try and talk to my friends and apologise for distancing myself. My home situation is average but I feel like my parents don’t have enough time to talk to me. I’m sorry you’ve been through things similar but I’m glad youu happy now am even tho it might take a while for me to become happy I willl thankyou agin xxx

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Autumnwright, This is one of the most difficult times of a teen's life. It's a time where the peers decide what group you fit into. You have nothing to apologize to them for. You have every right to live your life w/o bullying and being ignored or put down. The fact that you have done self harm concerns me very much. Do your busy parents know about the cyber bullying and the cuts?? It is so important right now for you to reach out to an adult who will listen to what your life is about. It sounds like the nurse isn't aware of the full story. Anxiety should never be sloughed off. Although I hear depression in your post and that takes priority right now. You need to go to your parents over the weekend, tell them that you have some issues that they need to hear. Don't worry about not enough time, you deserve all the time you need to have someone listen to you.

The forum is here to help you and support you through this. Please keep us updated. Stay Safe. We all care. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thankyou so much for taking the time to write this no one really knows what I’m going through but I’m going to try my bets to tell them xxx

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Autumnwright, please do reach out to your parents who love you and would want to keep you from harm. Let them help you. My daughter is anorexic. I might not have all the answers but her knowing that I love, care and support her keeps her from feeling all alone in dark times. You need that right now as well. We are always here for you. xx

[TPepper in reply to Hidden]

Hello, I think that if your home situation is average then even if your parents may be too busy, that it is worth talking to them. My home situation was bad and I couldn't talk to my parents and I feel like it would have been so much better if I had them. I do not know about you but having that support helps. Also, parents have the power to change things a lot i.e kick up a fuss with the school, contacting the GP and possible. That is a really good step, apologizing to your friends! At your age, I think sometimes people are still stuck a little in their point of view, so they may not really understand, but they can still be there for you. But defo do report the comments because in a way anonymous is worse because with bullying in school, you can get away through shutting the door but with cyberbullying, you can't. Stay strong! xxx

[Hidden in reply to TPepper]

Thankyou so much I’m going to try and talk to my parents xxxx

[Icanhelpyou5]

Dear Autumnwright. School indeed can be very tough, filled with pressure. Not only from the amount of homework and exams, but mostly as a result of pressure from other people. I think in this kind of situation, you need to take some time to understand why, when and how did this all happen to you? What made you isolate yourself from your friends? What made you think you are fat and what or who motivated you to be skinny? Why do everybody hate you?

One thing I have learned in life is that, we are what we think we are. To others and also to ourselves. Confidence is the strongest and the most beautiful thing a woman can put on every day, as she walks out of her house. Now you are not obviously happy with yourself. Not with your academics, not with your looks etc. Now you need to ask yourself why and start thinking how you can improve yourself in those areas.

Remember that every way to progress and success takes time, discipline and patience. Don't be too hard on yourself. Nobody is perfect. Not even your friends. Those that bully others are actually more insecure and jealous than their victims.

You need to start planning your life well. What do you want to do? What do you want to become? How can you do it in the best way that is healthy and sustainable to you? Believe me, eating disorder is not an answer to anything. It will only destroy you more. You need to learn how to respect yourself and love yourself. Not by starving or hurting yourself but by eating in a healthy way, by doing exercise and by taking care of yourself in every way. You can still make a change in your life. It's not too late.

Love, survivor of anorexia/bulimia