I feel disgusting

[Alittlelost]

I’m scared I can’t feel how strong my ed thoughts have become as I have continued to gain I honestly feel so gross and disgusting like I’m eating so much food and on big bindge but I know that’s not the case I’m just eating enough to nourish my body and maintain a healthy weight but it has taken the control I had away and I feel lost and scared I’m also scared I’m going to spiral , I also know I’m not disgusting my weight /looks /body doesn’t define me or make my anything less or more , I know this but I’m finding it so hard to drown out the voices I think The feelings of self hatred I have are comming back as I haven’t numbed them anymore with the punishment or starvation or and pain of hunger , I’m lost and afraid I don’t know what to do I have no one to confide in and I’m alone

[Fluffymum]

Hi alittlelost,

Well done for recognising those voices as your Ed and not you. You keep telling yourself that you're allowed to eat, that you're allowed to live, that food is your medicine. Call the ABC support so you don't feel so alone. There are people to help. Stay strong.

[Alittlelost in reply to Fluffymum]

Thank you so much for this reply

[crazycrossstitcher]

Do ring ABC helpline and talk to them - they have a befriending service which could also help you. Do you have any counselling support - suggest if not you need to get to your GP and ask for a referral (unfortunately there is usually a long wait - so do try ABC). Also - have you got a "set diet" plan - again ABC can help if not. I found writing my diet plan out and putting a daily meal plan together at the start of the week helped me drown the ED voice - I just referred to that - and it gave me back my sense of control - gradually the ED voice got less as I got used to the plan being my normal eating. Good luck - you're not alone - we're here for you.

[Alittlelost in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Yes thanks so much for the advice I really appricate it I haven’t got a set diet plan just 3 meals and 3 snacks I normally stick pretty well too it but if I miss a meal or a snack I feel I’m playing catch up and am out of control of my eating I really appricate the reply it really helped

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Alittlelost]

Glad to help - keep focused on the plan - don't beat yourself up if you struggle occasionally - I know its hard - it sometimes gets so near dinner I think I'll miss the snack and catch up later - have now trained myself it doesn't work - and have to have the snack whatever the time - like medicine - needs a regular input - no good overdosing once a day!

[Sammy987]

a.little lost pm me. I know exactly what your going through xxx x