Broken Heel - Weight Gain

[j_a_w94]

Hi everyone I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I was diagnosed with anorexia at the start of this year and have been striving, with the help of CBT to build a healthier relationship with food. Weight gain has been scary but accepting however, 10 weeks ago I broke my heel bone and since then I have put on over 20lbs due to the lack of exercise.

Before breaking my heel, I was at a healthy BMI of 19 and despite being incredibly aware of eating well (I haven't been comfort eating/binging) its due to the lack of exercise as I still can't put any weight on my foot, that has caused me to gain so much weight.

As a runner and eager walker, I am now learning that it could be months/years until I can do these things to the same extent before my break and the overwhelming fear of more weight gain is becoming unbearable.

On top of this, I suffer from depression and with a major broken bone, gaining weight and ultimately triggering severe anorexic traits, I have plunged into a deep dark place.

I currently live at home with my family and my dad who consistently reminds me that I'm gaining weight/am fat, have ruined my summer (my future) from my break and smirked when I told him I sometimes want to die. He makes me feel worthless and I feel rejected in my own home.

For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking of emitting myself to a mental health ward at my local hospital for care and support and I just wanted some advice on whether you guys think that it might be a good idea...

[openmindmh]

Gosh I am so sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time, it sounds really tough. I just wanted to say well done on working really hard with the CBT to get yourself into the recovery process. That's not easy to do! It seems like the broken foot/weight gain is just an extra challenge you really don't need to contend with on top of everything else right now. What's most important is that you nourish your body to help you recover from the injury as fast as possible; restricting your intake will only sabotage the process. That said, I completely hear what you're saying about finding this hard: are you still in touch with any therapists, support groups etc who may be able to support you through this difficult period? Perhaps now is the time to do some work on your body image: true recovery would mean being able to accept and care for yourself at any weight, not just a slim healthy BMI. Also tell your dad to shut up. He sounds really clueless.

[j_a_w94 in reply to openmindmh]

Your response made me well-up. Thank you so much. It's made me recognise that I need to be accepting (you're so right about the body image) and that I need to be kind to myself and show some self-care and self-love. I'm still having CBT once a week which has been a massive support but you're right, nourishing my body is the most valuable thing; the weight gain is only temporary until I get back on my feet. Its just sometimes an overbearing struggle especially with my clueless (you're right!) dad who has put me on a pedestal and pointed out and rebuked me on my illnesses but thank you for being their to pull me out of a dark cloud back into some blue sky. You have made me feel supported and valued. Thank you

[openmindmh in reply to j_a_w94]

I am so glad it was helpful It is really important you look after yourself right now, and perhaps it is a good time to challenge your body image, maybe your CBT therapist could help? Stay strong, you have worked really hard to get where you are, this is just an extra bump in the journey!

[j_a_w94]

My therapist and I talk about the value of happiness and nourishment but addressing body image is something we haven't discussed in too much detail - I will now make it a priority. Thank you for giving me another perspective on my situation and really pulling me out of a dark place. Have been really kind to myself today and feel a lot more mindful and happier. It is an extra jump and I feel like I have come this far and I can keep going

[TPepper]

Hello.

I hope you do not mind me saying, but your dad does not sound great and it sucks that you do not have support. You shouldn't be made to feel like this. It is not your fault and you are not the problem. It is your dad, so please don't blame yourself.

I think maybe going to a mental health ward may be a good option? Hopefully that helps. Also, is there a way you could try and sort of get away from your family?

I hope your situations gets better.

[j_a_w94 in reply to TPepper]

Thanks TPepper, my living conditions are definitely forcing me into a dark place. The hardest thing is is that my mum and my siblings have always been treated badly by my dad and they know it but won't act to change it. My mum agrees undoubtedly that I shouldn't have a relationship with him but non of them stand up for me as they have accept that "that's just dad". I feel very much alone however I am moving to a new city with my brother and our best friend. I believe making a home where I feel safe and happy will help me through this really rough time.

However, if things do get worse - that my plans to move full through and the doctor says my foot is not healing, then I will emit myself to a ward. Not only will I be in a safe place but inevitably, as my suicidal thoughts become more profound, I will have professionals to support me through that.

[TPepper in reply to j_a_w94]

It really sucks that your family do not stand up for you. I have a similar situation and when I left home, things got a bit better for a while. I stopped bingeing and was able to eat properly for 9 weeks (which believe me, is a long time for me!) but I think moving a way definitely helped and I hope it does for you too.

It is really good that you are willing to accept help!

[j_a_w94 in reply to TPepper]

Wow over two months of eating properly is a huge step! That would be a long time for me too.

Yeah I am desperate to move out. It isn't nice having a home where you feel unaccepted, unsupported and disrespected.

Thanks TPepper for your support