Feeling helpless

[Paisleygirl42]

Hi my name amanda I've been over weight since my late teens I have turned to food as a comfort for dealing with life I haven't had a really good life bad things have happened that I've had no control over my family are really worried about me as the past few months I have got worse I eat until im about to be sick but I have no control I hate myself and feel so sad and alone I feel food is my only friend i have been on diet and have lost weight for I got got married but have since gained it I'd love to be a mum but there is no chance of that happening I just feel I be better off dead

[gymmonster]

Hi Amanda, I'm sorry you're having a hard time but I can tell you 100% you are not better off dead. I'm sure you want the pain to stop but what good is that if you don't get to experience the relief? Being a mum might seem impossible but it isn't. Do you have access to any support? Binge eating is an eating disorder that deserves help and is not shameful so please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm here if you need to chat. xx

[Paisleygirl42 in reply to gymmonster]

Thank you for u lovely words I've joined a slimming class so if I try n focas on the good things hopefully I won't be tempted to over eat I have a young sister who is a great support to me just feel I rely on her to much at times it horrible feeling discussed n shameful with your self but if I can get the weight off then hopefully I start to feel good about myself once again thank you for u kind words and if u need to talk then I'm hear too xxx

[gymmonster in reply to Paisleygirl42]

Losing weight might make you feel good in the short term but it won't address the underlying issues behind why you turn to food in the first place. I'm familiar with the self disgust. I've been the whole spectrum on the weight scale from obese to underweight and ironically now my weight is in the 'healthy range' my eating is more disordered than ever and I still despise my body as much as i have always done. It's important to address the shame and forgive yourself because you are worthy of a life free of this pain and of self-love. xx

[missaw]

Hello lovely. It sounds like food isn't the main issue here, but something else is. Food has become the coping mechanism and has in itself become a problem. You are already taking steps in the right direction by sharing and seeking advice. With a great support network and like-minded people you can surely find success. Remember even tiny steps are progress and should be celebrated. Try and reward yourself using things that don't involve food and drink. What inspires or motivates you?

I wish you the best of luck and cannot wait to see your journey xx

[Paisleygirl42 in reply to missaw]

you right food not the main issue but it my comfort to coping with life I've not had a great start n life my dad walked out when I was young n my grandfather done some nasty things so I blame myself for that n putting my mum though life of hell

[missaw in reply to Paisleygirl42]

Aww lovely you cannot be held responsible for other people. You have a right to be happy just as much as anyone else. It sounds like you have been through some seriously tough times and I am sorry to hear this. Don't allow the past to define you. You are so much more than the past events in your life. If you feel that you can turn to a GP or Counselor please do this. You should not have to struggle alone. I wish you luck and happiness xx