Outpatient treatment isn't helping?

[Heliza11]

Hi, I feel like I've been over this so many times before but I'm at a loss right now.

I've been in an anorexia outpatient clinic for over 4 months and in that time I've lost a kilo and gained it back. my bmi is around 13, I'm not sure exactly, and I just had a bone densitometry that has shown my bone density is low. I'm just getting worse and worse, I was in a&e only a couple of weeks ago because I collapsed but they sent me home after 8 hours since my blood test was okay (although I had low blood pressure and bradycardia), even though I told them I hadn't eaten or drunk anything and refused any food from them.

I've tried so hard but every time I gain anything I can't cope with it. I'm scared I'll do something stupid because I hate myself so much. My doctor spoke briefly about hospital again yesterday when I saw her because I lost a kilo in 6 days, but my mum is strongly against me going to hospital. I don't know what to do though because I feel so depressed I can't even look after myself, I'm alone, not allowed to go to college or even leave the house (except for appointments) and I feel like I've lost all motivation to live. But I still want to recover, I just don't know how. I still don't know if hospital would just be the best thing for me right now. I know it also depends on my physical health but that's not being doing great either.

Sorry for rambling so much! But any advice would be very helpful. thank you

[Sparkles07]

Hi Heliza

Firstly you're not alone (although I too once felt like that)...for me I had to accept that I had a mental illness of Addiction anorexic nervousa (Bulimia /alcohol/substances)

NHS - Website

"Anorexia nervosa is a serious mental health condition. It's an eating disorder where a person keeps their body weight as low as possible."... ..

Once i accepted it i had to Understand it and i had to find my root cause and for me I had to learn to Love myself.

I needed professional help & was very fortunate to get rehab as staying in the community wasn't as option.

I attended support groups and went to fellowship meetings with alot of councilling as well.

I still do support groups several years on as when I can't cope with life/feelings my body wants to revert to ITS COPING MECHANISM. ....

(Restriction) or sustances.

I made my choice....Big hugs x

[Heliza11 in reply to Sparkles07]

Thank you for your reply I'm glad you got the help you needed and I hope you're doing well now. It is tough knowing what to do and I know I have to make a decision. It's difficult though especially as inpatient beds are very scarce in my area.x

[crazycrossstitcher]

So sorry to read of your desperation - so many of us have been in the same dark place - but there is light at the end of the tunnel - and the fact you are acknowledging your problems and seeking help is the first step. It might be worth exploring the hospital avenue - and talking to your mum about the reasons she doesn't want you to go into hospital - but make sure it is an ED unit - not a general ward/mental health unit. I was offered a visit to a unit to see what it was like and to spend a morning exploring this avenue of treatment - its a hard road - and its not easy - but if a hospital in-patient stay "gets your life back" - its worth it. Good luck.

[Heliza11 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

thank you so much my area is so bad for ED units though - the closest is over 60 miles away and there are only 12 beds, so I will be lucky to even go there. But I'm trying to think clearly about the treatment I need, I've given this my best shot but it just hasn't been successful. My mum and even my doctor are somewhat reluctant to admit me as I have severe anxiety and they worry removing me from home will really negatively affect my mental health. Either way, inpatient treatment is now a possibility I want to explore. I hope you're doing well x