What to do??

[Help12]

Hey everyone, I am coming here as a a last resort and i would really appreciate some help. this has affected my life in so many ways and I don't know what to do anymore . so about 2 years ago i went on a simple harmless diet, i was getting praised by everyone i knew because of the weight i was losing! The problem was, after a while of trying ,i would start to binge on the weekends so much that I gained it all back. So I stopped the diet because it was draining for me to keep it going. Then about a year ago I decided to go back on this diet. I have never been happy with my self, and I am truly afraid of gaining weight. Anyways this diet did the same to me and even when I stopped I still binged, this time turning to almost every night. I gained about 10 pounds

I kind of self diagnosed my self with BED at that time so I decided to get back on track and not try to diet but only eat healthy. THIS WORKED! not only was I not afraid or upset anymore but I was also losing weight from trying to just not count calories as obsessively as I always would and trying to just live. So I lost those 10 pounds I gained. After a recent brake up tho, it really triggered me, I still wanted to loose more weight because I felt as tho none of it had came off, (we don't have a scale at our house so I had to weigh myself any chance I got at a friends house etc.) This "diet" lasted for a week untill, I started on what people call the binge/starve cycle? I would binge and starve myself the whole next day because of how I felt and then the following day I would binge again, I felt as though in a never ending cycle. I would like to add that during all these binges I've had (even when they first started) I would try and try and try to throw it up, no matter what I did, I couldn't get more then a hack out ! This frustrated me more then anything because I just wanted the food out of my stomach. Also (I self diagnosed myself with depression and I've selfharmed) anyways I don't know what to do with myself anymore . I want to recover from this but I want to loose weight and I just want to feel good in my skin, also is this actually an eating disorder or just crash diets?? I do have many of the symptoms of eds tho (afraid to gain weight) (have fear foods) etc... Please help with any info you could give me thanks so much

I am a 15 year old girl, height 5'1, weight as of July 13 105(fluctuates).

[crazycrossstitcher]

I suggest you visit your GP or talk to a school/college counsellor - you do need help to process the feelings you have both about yourself and around food and weight. You could also contact Anorexia and Bulimia Care or BEAT - both have support lines where you can chat to someone without having to reveal your identity and they are very supportive and helpful. Can you talk to your parents? I know how hard this is but it was only by talking to my parents - who knew I was struggling but didn't know how to approach me - that I got the help and support I needed.

[Help12 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you for your input I appreciate it

[danleah17]

I hate talking over things like this because it's not the same as having a proper chat face to face, this may not make you feel any better but I'm going through the exact same thing as you, I go through stages of eating great, feeling great, exercising, loosing weight and then it stops I get fed up and feel why do I need to live my life like this I want to have fun like my other friends, except they're all thin and eat what they want which I can't do! I think what we really need to do is change our frame of mind and learn to except our body's are absolute looser and are not going to change any time soon, and I bet if we did we'd loose weight because we wouldn't be trying too hard, hope this helps x probably doesn't make sense but woo

[Help12 in reply to danleah17]

No that really does make perfect sense, when I just try not to count calories and foucus on eating clean and try not to beat my self up over eating things, I loose the weight better, but still leads to the same thoughts like EXACTLY you said, " why can't I just live a normal life and be naturally skkiny like my friends" is so frustrating but yeah you make a lot of sense