Almost better...

[username1003]

A year ago I was anorexic, but I'm better now. I don't starve myself to loose weight or punish eating with exercise,but because of what I used to do my stomach is so small. I'm never hungry anymore. I only eat dinner because I can't eat in front of people. I can eat small dinners and that's all I eat. I try to eat lunch for the people that worry about me but it is so overwhelming. i can't eat even a carrot in front of others. Is there anyway to fix that?

[la-la-la]

Hello

You are not better. It is false recovery. I have been there so many times. Eating in front of people just to stop them worrying about you or eating a small dinner a day isn't recovery.

I have always used others as a benchmark for example people who are foodies like food buying and cooking it. People enjoying socialising with food. They don't have issues about controlling food, what goes in their mouth. They Enjoy it! Once I get to that then I will consider myself recovered. Don't be fooled by I am not thin I eat more than I did at one point and so I must be "better" believe me it does not work like that. Another example - emma woolfe she is recovered. ..apparently. ..well how come she is off swimming in an outdoor pool at the crack of dawn most if not every day? ?? That is excessive exercise. I have been there ate more but I was running 6miles a day to compensate and keep weight low. To be recovered means you love and accept yourself and you don't feel the need to prove yourself., improve yourself, punish yourself or exert control over food and weight and exercise and I for one will not stop until I make it to that point 110%.

Please consider getting help. You don't sound better to me don't kid yourself like I did.

Good luck

Lala

[crazycrossstitcher]

Unfortunately I have to disappoint you - from what you describe you are far from recovered - improved - but you've a way to go. It's easy to use "I've a small stomach" as a reason for not eating - OK if you can't cope with large meals why are you not snacking - and if you can't eat in front of others you still have issues to deal with. I suggest you get help from an ED specialist/counsellor to look at what is really going on - and get your life back - this is heart felt from long experience of the lies and ED tell you.

[Hidden]

Well done for trying to get yourself well, it's great that you are improving, I know it takes a lot of courage. But as the others have said you are still strongly anorexic. Your stomach has shrunk so it is going to be painful to make yourself eat bigger amounts, but it will get easier and you will even start to feel hungry again if you persevere. I had the illness for 18 years and I needed to eat (and still do to even maintain my weight) 3 meals plus 3 snacks. SInce I was a child I had problems eating in front of people - guilt, shame, fear of being judged but through specialist ED treatment and I lot of hard work I can now eat in front of anyone, enjoy going to restaurants, eat an ice cream on the beach and freely enjoy sharing food socially. It helped me to write a little card with my anorexic thoughts I had about eating in front of people then a more rational and factual response. E.g 'everyone will look down on me if I eat' would be ' do I look down on other people for eating? No? So why would anyone look down on me?'. I would read the card before every meal and keep it at the table next to me. I used to feel so ashamed for eating I couldn't even eat in front of my family but had to take it upstairs. Once when someone came to visit unexpectedly and we were having dinner I actually leaped under the table! So I completely understand how you feel. Keep trying, realise the only way to get used to eating more is to DO it, several times every day. It might take a few months but it is really worth the effort I promise you. Good luck!