I’d be grateful for sympathy from you kind people!
Life is more challenging than usual. No complaints about medical attention: pulmonary function test due this month and a dietitian early January. I have regular consultations, so I’m far better off than many here.
I’ve had a few days of feeling off, but the hardest thing to face is, after a few years of havering over downsizing, I realise I really must. I live alone in a 3 bed semi where many of the rooms are just unused. Sons live across the world so I rarely need the spare bedroom. The cost of keeping up the maintenance of a house and garden isn’t worth it and I can’t really afford it. I got designs and prices for a new, badly needed, bathroom but it’s hardly worth the cost if I can see there may be a forced move for health rather than a choice to move. The disease is progressing, not at a gallop, but definitely progressing.
There are many pleasant over 60’s flats locally I could move to: it’s the thought of all the upheaval in between that I dread! I’m not worried about getting my house sold. It’s in a popular area with good schools and my garden is an ideal safe private size for children.
I have so much stuff! Very little of it has any sentimental significance. I’m sure you could wonder if I’m a mini hoarder but truly there are only a handful of small things you would have to fight me for. Yikes! Much of it has to be shifted, even before putting the house up for sale. I haven’t the strength or energy and those pesky offspring have done what I encouraged them to do: get on with your lives, be happy and successful, it doesn’t matter where you live!
So, friends, who I hope can help, will have to be deployed. I have recently started to pay a very good friend to help with cleaning etc. That has taken courage: I’m private at the best of times and now deeply ashamed of how much the house has deteriorated.
Encouragement needed chaps 😢
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Lupiknits
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I have come to a similar way of thinking plus factor in my age. I have begun to de clutter a bit at a time. See if you can find charities that are willing to come and collect items for you. This is working well for me. Some take larger items as do the council. It is good that your home will be easier to sell. All daunting but life is a constant on the change process. Good Luck. xx
Thank you! I do have local charities that collect. I’m sure I’ll be making use of them. They’ve already taken a lot of clothes, but I forgot about decent furniture.
I’m kicking myself for not deciding to start on this process when I had more energy, however it’s not too late.
As for age, I was pleased when I reached 60, and was prescription payment exempt, then 66 for a state pension and now an extra winter payment. Age has its advantages 😉
Maybe you were not ready mentally before. Break everything down . Maybe some days just make moving notes, look online at places and areas. Do lists. Other times if have more energy a bit more house sorting. Throw out bits in your rubbish a bit at a time, easier than needing a skip later on. Im 61 and so pension a while to go yet.
I can only offer you encouragement and hugs from the vantage point of being 60 - 4 weeks off 61 - and from vantage point of having a built in carer in form of my other half. I can’t bear to imagine how I’d manage without him. So my understanding of your situation is relatively academic. But- having lost immediate family suddenly and too soon - I do occasionally make myself consider what I’d do if, terribly, he goes first. And I decided that I’d probably start the process of packing up quite soon for all the reasons you describe.
I think Dottie 11’s suggestions are absolutely spot on. My uncle has just done this, aged 85, with common underlying conditions (heart, arthritis, major hearing loss and bowels) and help from a housekeeper/ home help of many years. His choice has been to move far away to a new build for older persons, a short electric trike (he’s obsessed with his mileage although he nearly died when he went too fast and fell off a few years ago!) from his only U.K.-based son, wife and grandkids. It’s a 2 bed and looks over the carpark but he says he doesn’t care. I’m not sure how he’s managing as he only sends me cryptic, tetchy emails
But we visited him a week before he left and he had emptied his home of many decades by selling or giving everything bar a handful of special items using Gum Tree and to charity shops and local recycle/ free cycle places. He said he was going because he’s lonely and wanted to be closer to his children and grand kids. I’m not sure this will work out in reality because he’s such a challenging person. I don’t envy my cousin or his wife I admit.
However, unlike my uncle, you already have good friends and I don’t doubt that you will flourish once you get past the horrible hurdles of doing this.
We moved majorly during the last part of the pandemic and it was very fraught in different ways to how it will be for you - because we are shared a lot of the load, For reasons I won’t bore you with it wasn’t a planned move and on reflection my husband feels we should have moved to a more age-proofed home. In practical terms he’s probably right but there was very little choice at the time and in the present tense we are happy here and get by. Luck is always relative as you know and you will need and hopefully get plenty of it. Meanwhile here’s a cyber hug of encouragement to keep you focused on the next big adventure 🤗xx
Lovely I’m sooooo sorry to hear about your plight. Believe me I completely understand what it means to have a home that you cannot keep up to your healthy standards.
I was able to clean my place top to bottom and 27 loads of washing ( had a very sick child in my care and everything possible was washed daily) in just about 4 hours. I was doing a sprint everyday to get it all done plus meals and groceries bought. This activity for 12 years took a toll on my health.
Now I’m mostly immobile barely able to do a meal daily.
Here in the states we can have yard sales to rid ourselves of items no longer needed. We can get some money from the sale which helps financially. We also can donate things for a tax write off. We can also just give things away to those we know want/need them.
Try not to let the whole task overwhelm you. Break it down into manageable tasks.
If you contact your children and ask for assistance in this chore I’m sure they would love to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask them.
Now for the TLC requested: When I was on the forum regularly i responded as often as I could.
I care about and pray for you and all members sweetie. You are not alone.
PM me whenever you want to. I’ll reply as soon as possible.
Until then sending you my support and love and prayers.
Hi,Everything is a big deal for us! We all feel useless at times, as just the thought of starting anything requires planning & patience.
Firstly be kind to yourself, anything you achieve on a day to day basis is a plus! Give yourself a pat on the back for anything achieved.
Decision making is the start of your journey.:
Are you looking to move to a new property, maybe a bungalow.
At least with a new property everything is done & if seen earlier enough you can add in your own tastes.
Is an over 60's complex the right move for you? Write down the pro's & cons.
I went to view one for a friend a while ago & all the hidden costs were unbelievable. For example it was a set figure for the electric. You had to pay each month for a buzzer even if you didn't need it yet. Added to this a maintenance fee for the outside green areas.
It was a very expensive proposition.
In the end we decided against it!
Dependant on where you live you may be surprised how much your present house is worth even of it hasn't had the attention of late.
Ask a few estate agents to call around to give you an idea. At this point you can seriously start to decide where you want to move to & what type of property.
Asking for help I found is always difficult, especially if you're used to an independent lifestyle.
Go out of your comfort zone & share your thoughts with close friends & family. See it as a joint venture & a time to spend with your friends.
We have charity bag collections regularly. This has helped me declutter.
I started in one room & said to myself "Do I really need this? When did I use it last?
Furniture doesn't seem to hold any price, especially mahogany furniture as its out of fashion. It is hard sometimes to give away good quality items.
I've lived in a bungalow since 1987 & for me it's been fantastic. No stairs to contend with as I grow older.
I've been thinking of moving to a new bungalow recently & did see a property I really liked. Unfortunately in my area a lot of bungalows are for sale & mine didn't sell in time for this new build.
There will be others.
The maintenance of older properties is always an issue. To be fair this is what I could do without now. Hence the new build thought!
I did find once I started on this journey, it spurred me on to declutter.
I hope you find this reply encouraging to start the process.
Thank you! I’ve been thinking over a move for quite some time and am fortunately well aware of some of the costs tacked on to retirement flats. Some that I went to see had simply been cobbled together into what were once grand old houses overlooking the park. Others have been purpose built. Whichever I go for, a close friend is a master builder and can clue me in on where there have been structural or other problems. We’ll see.
lupiknits I do feel for you! Feels like a mountain of work I bet but just do a little at a time. I had friends move into a retirement complex recently and it gave them a new lease of life because they didn’t have worries about the day to day maintenance of their 3 bed house. The company they bought from were also really helpful with advice about getting stuff cleared. I’m sure you’ll be amazed at how quickly you get it done once you start. Take care and good luck.🤗
It is hard to think about when you've lived somewhere for a while, but you are wise to make a start now before, as you say, an enforced move. I have spent two years decluttering; one pile to definitely go, one to keep and one to think about and come back to. Its certainly helped. A lot has gone to charity, some on Freecycle and only a small amount in the bin.
The good thing is that while you are saying goodbye to your old life, you are making room for a new one, which will take better account of your more limited abilities.
Start making a list of all the the organisations you will need to contact re change of every address with their name and contact details. This website has a list of those you'll need to notify - aspiretomove.co.uk/blog/who...
Planning ahead will make the move go more smoothly.
Thank you strongmouse! I’d forgotten about Freecycle. Gumtree is the other one. I hate throwing away anything that someone else would like and really wants. Clothes have not been a problem: my favourite hospice charity shop.
I moved here 14 yrs ago and the complications of buying and selling I’ve been through a number of times in the past. Gosh, it’s fun!
At first everything seems unsumountable, however you have some wonderful suggestions here to overcome clearing your house. I am the same, as my husband died three years ago, then a year later, my youngest left, so I am rattling around my 4 bed house, with my cat. Like you, I am slowly clutter clearing, and have found out that my council actually have some strong people who will take old furniture down my steps for the council to collect and dispose of., though it all has to be co ordinated.
Once you start the ball rolling it really does build momentum. Your challenges are mental ones...you really need to let the practical part of your brain take over. Set your mind on something more manageable and start to declutter as a starting point. House clearance companies, charity shops, and lots of communities advertise for you if you wanted to donate furniture etc as a lot of people have suggested already. Don't be afraid of the changes ahead as a new home opens up new experiences and new people and friends to make....one of my favourite quotes is....Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is....
I know where you are in this journey, and yes it's daunting just believe that you can do it, because of course you can.
Thank you! Everyone is giving such helpful ideas. I agree about fear of the future to an extent but in my case fear of the status quo is greater which increases my will to do it.
I’m availing myself of the services of my friend who works part time as a housekeeper. I pay her by the hour. She’s swift and very capable. I do feel a pang in my heart as I watch her briskly dealing with things that are not needed. The pang is that we are the same age but I might as well be her granny 😢We have a good laugh though x
It can be tough to accept help, especially if you’ve always been independent. But I’m sure it gives her a sense of purpose to be able to help (and some extra pocket money). And giving in friendship can work in different ways. She might be able to help you out with housekeeping, but I bet you lift her spirits by having a laugh together. Don’t underestimate the value in that and the value you bring to the friendship. 😊
This sounds a lot to face, especially when you’re not feeling well. Sorry it’s all feeling particularly challenging at the moment.
Could you break it down into a list of smaller tasks, so it seems more manageable? Perhaps make a list of all the things you need to deal with in the kitchen, such as ‘decide which saucepans to keep’, ‘decide which crockery items to keep’, ‘box up unwanted crockery’, ‘arrange for someone to take the box to a charity shop’, etc. The smaller the task, the better. Then cross each item off as you achieve it. As you start to cross things off, it helps build a sense of momentum.
Having a list of everything that needs doing can help give a sense of control too, as you’ll feel more organised and proactive. And it also means that if anyone offers to help, you can easily see which tasks would be helpful to have them do.
And also, let all the positive things about moving to a new place help motivate you. For example, easier to clean (so more energy for fun things!), cheaper to heat and maintain (so maybe more money for treats), cosier in the winter, new friends to make, etc, etc.
And also, regarding your comment about feeling ashamed about how much the house has deteriorated, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself. You’re dealing with complicated health conditions, and just managing the essentials each day (preparing meals, washing up, errands, etc) can be a lot. You’re doing the best you can in the circumstances you’re in, and I bet you’re being harder on yourself than you would be on a friend in the same situation. Besides, with a property there’s always more to do, so we never feel we’re on top of things!
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