Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain...

[BIGI]

Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain...wow! That would make a good song...I can almost hear the melody!!! Just kiddin'. But, Sonny and Cher had it right. Drums DO keep pounding a rhythm to my brain. It's like when I was in marching band in Boone High School in Orlando. You know, when the snare drumsticks hit the drum head with force and speed. And the "big drum" (I forget what they call that one), beats double time and makes your heart "pound" with each beat. We had on our crisp white, orange and black uniforms and did the high stepping and quick, clean "military" turns and about faces. I still love the rush I get from hearing a marching band. It was and still is exhilarating!!! However, though my brain loves the beat of the marching band, the body, hands and feet just ain't keepin' pace anymore. I imagine it's partly because I graduated over 40 years ago and the body naturally does what the body naturally does, but the diseases and illnesses just cause "insult to injury", as they say! LOL I fought that lack of pace keeping for a long time. Consequently, I frequently over did it and was constantly wiped out and in more pain, having to cancel or postpone outings and making some folks very frustrated and some even got mad. I wanted to keep the cadence I had always kept. I had been known as "a doer". I was always going places, spending lotsa time with family, keeping my grands overnight, working and volunteering at church, etc., etc. I couldn't be still and always had to have my hands in many things at one time. Believe me when I say that due to me being involved in lotsa stuff in the past, I found myself in plenty of hot water!!! LOL Now, it's only my hands that are frequently found in hot water. Literally...due to Raynaud's Disease. Well, at least it's not my whole being in hot water anymore, just my hands!

Now, due to many health issues listed in my first posting, such as Rheumatoid Arthritis and Limited Sclerodetrma (which includes Sjogren's Disease), all of which cause fatigue and sore and/or swollen muscles and joints and tight skin, I march to the beat of a much slower drum. It's more like a tympani in an orchestra. You know those huge kettle drums that are hit with a big mallet? It's true that it's a challenge to hear the fast marching band in my head and know that if I try to march with it, I'll be sitting in the bleachers a lot sooner than I'd like to be. So, I listen to the marching band and watch with enthusiasm, but now I play in the orchestra! As much as I loved the high stepping marching band with it's catching drum rolls and beats and the horns reaching into the air then bowing down as they marched, the orchestra is surprisingly an equally satisfying place, if I allow it to be. I get to relax in a nice chair and still "play music". I continue to "entertain" and be a part of a grand picture, it's just that I do it in a different way. I still make plans that have to be cancelled or postponed. But, one of my favorite verses is "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Prov 16:9 I am to make plans but be open to the fact that everything is subject to change...except God. I have to let go of the frustration that I feel when I have to cancel or postpone whatever the plan was. I have to come to grips with the fact that I can't have the grands over as much as I'd like to. I have to face the fact that I can't do what I used to do at the pace I used to do it. I still love the rush I get from hearing a marching band. But, hey...it is what it is! And, though I do not embrace the diseases and illnesses that my body is currently hosting and I pray that God will choose to manifest the healing while I am still here, it is what it is! I can fight it and stay frustrated or live peacefully with the new limitations imposed on my body and do what I can do, when I can do it. The folks who got frustrated or mad have pretty much disappeared. But, the folks who want to understand and love me enough to stick it out with me are closer than ever and I thank God for them every day. The things I used to be able to do with strength, speed and agility are limited. The time I spend sitting in my recliner on a heating pad exhausted is more than I'd like. But, it is what it is...tha beat goes on...just a little slower!

God bless