Mothers of young children

[Toomanyquestions]

I’m watching my children playing in the garden. Instead of filling me with joy it is breaking my heart. How do you cope?

[LeeannW710]

Hi.

I remember days when I couldn’t look at my daughter without crying. It came after my first reoccurrence. Took days to finally “trick” my brain and get myself out of the really dark hole my mind took me to. It took some time to get out of that mental state of dread. I shifted my focus bc I refuse to let this disease take time away enjoying my daughter. I hope and pray that you can make the mental switch so you can enjoy your beautiful girls. Look at them and let them be the reason you continue moving forward! Are you able to join them outside? Hugs!!

[Toomanyquestions in reply to LeeannW710]

Did you take antidepressants? X

[LeeannW710 in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I took xanax as needed to take the edge off. I also started meditating and praying more. I do believe antidepressants can have an adverse effect. My friend had a terrible time with the meds. Have they reduced your dosage? Wondering if you will feel better at a lower dose? I recall one post where you stated the doctors were positive. I would trust what they are saying. Hugs!

[Toomanyquestions in reply to LeeannW710]

Thank you for replying and remembering my post. I’ve had progression in my liver. The rest were okay. I’ve just lost my mind, can’t seem to get back x

[LeeannW710 in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I also recall another post where someone also had it go to the liver and the spots have disappeared on her current treatment. Try to remain positive. I am sure it is very difficult. Try not to let this take away any more precious time spent with your beautiful girls!! I am a huge believer that a positive mind is a very vital tool. My oncologist nurse practitioner agrees! We have many more options then we did years ago. And each day, they find something new. We are all rooting for you! Biggest hugs sent from NY!

[Toomanyquestions in reply to LeeannW710]

Thank you. It was my daughters birthday yesterday so I’m probably extra sensitive. It means a lot that you took time to reply x

[Hidden in reply to Toomanyquestions]

Careful about Xanax. It’s intended for situational anxiety. If taken regularly it can cause “rebound anxiety” which I can say from personal experience is awful. No one warned me about that. It was so bad I had to take klonapin (so? Or klonazepam— not sure of name). It’s very strong but necessary when one can’t pull oneself out of deep depression. Perhaps you can ask about that. It helped me. I then weaned myself off after about six months. I’m so sorry for your pain. Keep telling yourself it has a timeline and take and do what you need to heal your heart.

[Wintervt]

Hi,

I have two school-aged daughters and when I was first diagnosed (last March), every time I looked at them I cried. After two months, something shifted and decided I was going to use this disease as a gift to keep me grounded in the now and to make every moment count. Just recently, I purchased two journals and I'm currently in the process of writing love letters to them.

xo Jade

[Toomanyquestions in reply to Wintervt]

Oh my goodness how do you have the strength to do that? You must be very strong x

[Wintervt in reply to Toomanyquestions]

I'm not sure if I'm strong, just an optimist that sees each day as a gift.

xo Jade

[Moon-and-Stars]

My child is 14 months old and I was diagnosed just after she was born. It was very hard in the beginning (first 6 months), I couldn’t look at her beautiful face without crying.

But one day I said enough is enough. I now look at MBC as a chronic illness rather than an incurable disease.

We do lots of fun things together and take loads of pictures of our antics. Some of which I have up on the fridge so when I am having a bad day, I can look at them and they cheer me up. That gives me the boost to plan more things to do together and make even more memories.

The months are passing by, and she’s getting bigger and more incredible every day. But I do take each day as it comes.

[Timtam56]

My heart goes out to you dear woman. I don’t know what to say, but that you are just feeling the truth of what “is”. Let yourself feel, and try to believe there is hope.

[laurac1014 in reply to Timtam56]

Me too. I hate it for these young mothers. I guess the reason I don’t need antidepressants is that I am at peace with where I am at. I have 3 honorable kids and daughter in laws and grandkids. I can’t imagine the strain this would put on a young woman with so much relying on her.

[Hidden in reply to laurac1014]

Dang! You have grandkids? May I say you look too young and not like any granny! You go girl.

[laurac1014 in reply to Hidden]

So i May need to update that photo

[Red71]

I have adult children and young grandchildren. I always imagined I would be around to see them marry and have their first children. That may or may not happen now but what I did when I came to that recognition was to close my eyes and clear my head of the what if’s and ask myself how I wanted my grandchildren to remember me. Then I determined to act that way. I cook with them, I’ve been to the zoo with them, we are regular library visitors. I can’t rough and tumble play but there are lots of things I can do. I can also show them how to deal with something bad in their life, because everyone has something bad in their life, and that’s to live with GRACE. No whining, no crying; I watch with a smile and a cheer when they do things I can’t do and participate when I can. They worried about me when I was confined to a chair but now they are happy just to have their grandma back. You can mourn your loss but the sooner you decide how you want to live what may still be a long life, the longer you will have to live and love your children and teach them the things you need them to learn. We are very lucky that we are not taken away by a quick car accident but have the time to teach our kids what we want them to learn from us and about us. Please go on living, it’s not the time to give up and retreat. Elaine

[Benoahmom in reply to Red71]

Perfect. I would only add that it is okay to find someone to cry with too.

[Lovemylakie]

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I used to be all gloom and doom but now I have decided to not go to that dark place any longer, I refuse to let this cancer win. My 3 granddaughters just visited me last month and I told them the new update they were sad, I am their only living grand parent, I told them this is just like a chronic condition and I am going to be around a long time. Then we went to the kitchen and baked cookies and all was great again.

I like the earlier post about writing in a journal, I did that for a few years after my husband passed away. I sometimes reread them and am amazed at how I have changed and grown.

Just enjoy being with family and friends and focus on having fun and making new memories.

Hugs to you,

Robin

PS: I am at the airport now going to Utah to visit my cousin. A year ago I didn't think I would be able to do anything fun.😊

[Benoahmom]

It takes time for this not to become all-consuming. The first 6 (+) months are bleak. You will come around. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Give yourself time.

[PJBinMI]

This diagnosis is like a kick to the gut with a steel toed boot! And having young children has got to make that so much harder! I was a grandma when I was diagnosed and remember clearly the first time I met a young mother with mbc--I wished I could give her all the time I had left! So unfair! That is really what makes me the angriest about this cancer, that it robs children of their moms! I don't know how I would have coped had I still had children who needed me--my daughter was 38 when I learned I had mets, during initial staging. and my two step daughters were 24 and 27. This cancer makes us feel so vulnerable whatever our age, but ....... I wish I had an answer for you. My only suggestion is seeing a bc specialist at a comprehensive cancer center for a second opinion if you haven't already. You can find a list of the CCCs in the US at the website of the National Cancer Institute.

[Godbeforme]

I just heard this on tv, and it spoke to my heart because I was in a funk this morning and didn't want to get out of bed. This isn't the whole thing. May you be lifted up and God bless you and heal you in Jesus name, amen! Remember, there is NO expiration date on our heads! THAT is the reality of it! <3 and hugs! Psalm 40

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord

and put their trust in him.

[shannamilton]

I have three young children, and progression in my liver and spine. I was originally diagnosed stage 3 almost 4 years ago. I found out on my oldest daughter's 10th birthday in August that it has metastasized to my spine. Now 6 months later the letrozole ibrance combo isnt working. So it's back to the drawing board. I am now on lynparza and will repeat scans in June. I tried antidepressants for a bit, but felt numb. It's hard, but I just remember that I have to fight as hard as possible to watch them grow up. All days aren't easy, most are hard. I just try to be thankful for the time I do have.

[SeattleMom in reply to shannamilton]

Hang in there, Shanna! And love and prayers to you as you await that next scan! They are always so scary, but knowledge is power and allows you to weigh many options that weren't available just a few years ago! God bless you! Linda XO

[shannamilton in reply to SeattleMom]

Thank you, sorry I'm just getting on here. It's hard to manage a household, business, children, and cancer. Life must go on. I try to stay busy. I have had much better side effects on the letrozole. So I hope its working. I can definitely manage these side effects.

[SeattleMom]

Hello! I have so much empathy with your situation. I was diagnosed with BC 18 years ago when my kids were 10 and 7. I was very early stage with very small lump but still opted for double mastectomy (with pathology showing no spread to lymph nodes). My somewhat radical choice was totally based on my two beautiful children and only one thought in mind: I want to be here while they are growing up.

My children (a son and daughter) are now 28 and 25; and my prayer was answered! But their mom now has MBC. Who'd have ever guessed? And it was determined to have spread from original cancer--not a new cancer. This is such a tricky little devil!

But how lucky all of us are to be alive today. Most of today's meds were not available 18 years ago. We are in an age of incredible advances in overall cancer research, not just BC research. Stay hopeful! You are in my thoughts and prayers! May God bless you and your little ones! Linda XO

[shannamilton in reply to SeattleMom]

I am glad that you did get the extra time with them. That was my initial plan. I had a double mastectomy, radiation, chemo, and a full hysterectomy and it still came back. But I will fight until I have no other options. I was told I was lucky because I have the good kind of cancer, lol.... hmmm we shall see

[SeattleMom in reply to shannamilton]

Mine was described as “timid” because it had stayed in hiding for 17 years. So far, spread has been detected in spine and pelvis, currently holding steady. Hard to not wonder how long it will be held at bay. Bless you, Shanna! XO Linda

[Klamato]

Please try to relief the Good Lord for strength! Only God knows when our time is up! Someone could be going to the market for an ear of corn and be hit by a car! We are up against an ugly monster and we know it! We cannot let this cancer wi ! Enjoy EVERY DAY with family and friends. This is become a chronic disease and we can battle forward! Please don't waste those precious moments by thinking negative, new research can save us all! Please believe this! Kiss this cancer in the ass and think positive. It will help you survive! Fight, fight, fight and NEVER give up. The rest is in God's hands! Sending love and prayers to you and your lovely family! Stay strong! Love, Kathy from Syracuse, NY 💖🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[shannamilton]

It is a chronic disease, and we have many tools. I served in the Marine Corps for 4 years and did a tour in Iraq. I'm tough, and know that I have it in me to fight this beast.