Coping with anxiety from childhood abuse.

I was abused several ways as child. It is one of those things men have a hard time talking about. Has anyone else dealt with this. And have you found healthy coping methods?

[jimreilly]

I have had two close male friends who have suffered abuse, including sexual abuse. I am sorry to they do not seem to have dealt with it "successfully" either in therapy or other wise (and one of them never will, he died in an accident--there's still some hope for the other). I've known also several women who have dealt with abuse more successfully, or at least it seems so to me as an outsider. Too small a sample to generalize from, of course, but we (men) do seem to have a harder time in general dealing with difficult feelings including the (unmerited) shame that often follows abuse. I would not presume to tell you or anyone in your situation what to do, and I have no training in this area, but the women whom I have known who seem to have "succeeded" have had extensive therapy and also participated in support groups of women. I'm sure there must be therapists who are skilled in dealing with men who have been through this, and there must be support groups for men who have been abused, at least in larger cities (and perhaps nowadays on Zoom). I don't know if there are people who have successfully coped with this "alone"but I would think there must be some. But if there are they're not telling us, by definition. I'd almost bet that even raising the issue here requires some courage on your part, so congratulations for that, and I hope some others on here can be of more practical help to you. Best of luck figuring this out, with or without help from others.

[xsevenx in reply to jimreilly]

Jim, the guy has already deleted his account, hence his name is "Hidden". I wonder if he had second thoughts about opening up? Shame.

[jimreilly in reply to xsevenx]

Oh I'm sorry to see that. I just thought his name was "Hidden"!

[xsevenx in reply to jimreilly]

I have done the same thing in the past! To get more info about this, click on the username, ie Hidden.

[Hidden in reply to jimreilly]

Thanks for the reply. I am back with a new username. Appreciate that good input

[writer75]

As a therapist, I often worked with women around the issue of abuse. But as a woman, I realize men might be uncomfortable discussing things with me. And many of the issues men have are different than those of women. Women deal with men hitting on them a lot but men probably are not on guard expecting it to happen, and I assume, by men not women? I suspect sexual abuse of men is more common than we know and can perpetrated by both men and women, although traumatic coercion and hurt may more likely be done by men. The common response by men if asked about abuse is ‘ hey, I wish women would do it to me’, although I don’t think they really feel that way. No one likes being forced, objectified or made to do something where they have no choice or readiness for. And if it’s another male, many men or boys find that humiliating if they are not ok with that particular activity. What I worked with women on was realizing that it is not ok for others to touch or compromise another, a woman has a right to self autonomy, and the violator was totally at fault. Later, the survivors need to come to the understanding that they did nothing to cause it, it did not make them less a person, and how to handle future predations-women who have been abused often are recognized by predators and re-abused. That can be true with male victims as well, or they can later become abusers themselves. That doesn’t seem to be as prevalent with women, becoming abusers. Abuse is generational and survivors need to be aware and not allow it to continue in their situation. Secrecy is the friend of abuse and abusers. And in many cases abuse victims can be blamed by family or acquaintances for telling or ’ letting it happen, or you must have done something to cause it’.

In addition survivors can have trouble being touched, or with trust or medical procedures and how they can demand respect in such situations and handle their fears. Abuse survivors need support and a safe place to talk about it, with that I agree.