Diagnosed March 2019, prostate removed June 2019. 58 year old, Navy Veteran living near San Francisco. PSA undetectable twice.

[sanFranDaddyRick]

Wondering how as gay men you deal with sex. I’m a top and find that injecting albuteral is about the only thing that works. The vibrating penis pump is finally coming in handy.

[Vitruviusman]

Dear SF daddy Rick:I have not had sex in 6 years since my operation. I miss being in a relationship. I would like to communicate more with you. Dating has been torturous. When the guys learn that I cannot shoot seed anymore, they drop me. I would like to know more about you as well as your journey through this.Please write me

mineo.keith@ gmail.com

[shoeguy in reply to Vitruviusman]

I feel the same way. I just don't go out in fear of the rejection. There are no support groups for individuals like ourselves. There are plenty out there addressing intimacy for couples and straight individuals

[Vitruviusman in reply to shoeguy]

There is only one, to prostate cancer groups for gay men one in Los Angeles and one in New York City. I have attended the one in Los Angeles and number of times when I live there. What I found was, most of the guys there were already partnered or had a husband. There are only a handful of guys that were single hurry up the guys that were partnered thought everything was wonderful and hunky dory when it comes to intimacy because they already had someone. The single guys like us we were left out in the cold with no intimacy at all having to face the rejection from the gay community so I stopped going

[shoeguy in reply to Vitruviusman]

I completely understand it is very unfortunate for us. I really hope for the best for you. I have never had a relationship so I don't think I am missing anything. I am not surprised about the support group for partnered or married individual. Its not the first support group centered around couples. singles are always excluded in support groups.

[Vitruviusman in reply to shoeguy]

I was with my Jeff for 15 years ,monogamous but he passed away with cancer 7 years ago. I obviously have not been with anyone since

[shoeguy in reply to Vitruviusman]

Sorry about your lose

Wish you the very best!!

[Leeaussie5 in reply to shoeguy]

Welcome to the group. You’ll find good support here.

[shoeguy in reply to Leeaussie5]

Thank u

[wallygator in reply to Vitruviusman]

The first thing I say to a potential partner is that I cannot cum (during the "Hi, my name is..." phase. It may be a little personal for a near stranger, but it saves wasted time and disappointment. I make it clear that it's OK if they do not want to pursue a relationship further.

[Vitruviusman]

Dear SF daddy Rick:I have not had sex in 6 years since my operation. I miss being in a relationship. I would like to communicate more with you. Dating has been torturous. When the guys learn that I cannot shoot seed anymore, they drop me. I would like to know more about you as well as your journey through this.Please write me

mineo.keith@ gmail.com

[Leeaussie5]

Dear SFdaddy

After I was diagnosed, I started noticing my hookups more. Many didn’t have much of an erection. But we still played heaps and it was lots of fun.

It’s still early for you. Erections may still come back. Give it time.

And if I wasn’t 12000 kilometres away....

Best of luck

[Hidden in reply to Leeaussie5]

Hi

[Leeaussie5 in reply to Hidden]

Hi

[jimreilly]

You're really early on and there's a good chance you're going to get more and better erections--the "improvement" period can last like a year and a half. But it's also pretty certain to never be as good as before. My surgery was almost nine years ago; I was "versatile" before surgery and now I'm really not able to top (I don't want to do the injections) so I have to be satisfied without that. Sex is just different. I've had time to get used to it and I am most of the time. I suppose if I were in a relationship with someone I cared about and they really wanted to bottom I'd try the injections, but otherwise for me I don't think it's worth it. Glad they work for you and hope you are able to have a lot of good times!

[Vitruviusman]

Please write me

[e-mail]

[paige20180]

This is a mean disease. I am a heterosexual wife of man with PC. Penile implants rock. Very happy my husband had the surgery.

[TimCo]

Hello DaddyRick in Castro Valley. I find the pump, vibrator, and tri-mix all helpful.

Hope your full recovery speeding along forward. Im from Castro Valley and was a

park ranger for E Bay Reg Park District. Beautiful east bay area!! Enjoy, Tim

[Boston1967]

Hey there DaddyRick,

I am a top also. I had my prostate removed just over a year ago (8/29/18). I went through a terrible depression that my sex life was over and everything going forward was going to be unsatisfying. I did not get a lot of direction from my surgeon or oncologist on the penile rehab process.... literally zip! I was fortunate to stumble on this blog about 1 month post op and my recovery direction changed. I watched The YouTube videos of Dr John Mulhall from MSK in New York..

I immediately started on a path of my own penile recovery. The surgery did not make my desire for sex to go away, but my penis was definitely not 100% in the game anymore. The first time I masturbated, my erection sucked, but my orgasm was amazing! This was about a month post surgery. This amazing orgasm was going to be few and far between when masturbating. Over the next several months I continued to masturbate several times a weeks with varying results. Sometimes hard, sometimes not, sometimes a decent orgasm, sometimes it just fizzled out at the end and I was left unimpressed by the orgasm.

About six months post surgery I finally made an appointment at a male clinic to get penile injections. Bi-mix ended up being very effective for me. With very little preparation, I was back to topping the way I liked to top AND the orgasms were always really good as long as I was with a partner, they are still hit or miss when I masturbate.

Cialis works pretty well for me also, but my insurance only covers 4 pills a months (which go very fast) and those 4 pills are $50. I use the Cialis when I know I will not be penetrating. I’m extremely careful not to overlap the Cialis and Bi-mix as this can increase the chance of a prolonged erection which is VERY VERY bad.

Here is the good news.... most of the bottoms I have been with I chose not to tell about my situation. None of them have noticed that I actually had no cum with my orgasm. I thought the first couple of times I just got lucky.... but 7 months later still no one has noticed and I have had plenty of repeat partners.

I have learned on here that my results my not be typical, but you all should know that similar results can be possible. It will never be as good as it was before surgery.... but I’m here to tell you that at least from my experience.... it’s much, much better than I thought!

I thank God for this group and all the support, advice and knowledge I gained that I otherwise would not have known was out there. Good luck to you and please feel free to ask me any questions.

Norman

[Rustykia in reply to Boston1967]

To Daddy Rick and Boston 1967,

I’m also a top learning to enjoy sex again. It is a new journey, but I’m learning fast. My surgery was on Nov 2019 and by now I have learned to button, which rarely did before and I enjoy it more than before. My erections are with the help of Viagra and I have not tried Bi-Mix yet injections. Sex life keeps improving, but a big part of that will require mental preparation, positive attitude, and realistic expectations. My orgasms are spectacular and having no mess after each one is a bonus. I’m learning to live a new life and I’m thankful that I caught this decease when I did. I’m also thankful for finding this blog support group. I can totally connect with the anxiety and concerns most of us have pre/post treatment. All the best guys

[HoosierDaddy]

Not a bottom, ever. Pretty much just a 69 guy. But I’m curious about one thing. I assumed that a bottom received pleasure because his prostate was being stimulated. But after Prostate is removed , you still find pleasure that way? I’m tying to understand.