Hi Fellas, Happy Holidays. Many of you are aware of my journey, but to recap:
I am approximately 16 months out since surgery. I had 40 treatments of RT and just finished a year of ADT. Since my diagnosis, I have tried to remain positive, and stay healthy by remaining very active, going to counseling, and meditating. My PC level has been undetectable during the adt treatments, and I am hoping it remains that way now that I have discontinued treatment with the consultation and advice of my doctor. I really would have gone longer with the ADT, but the side effects of swollen hands, trigger finger, nerve pain, 15lb weight gain and diminished endurance really became unbearable. So it has been 3 months since my last (3-month) injection and I am trying hard to stay away from the negative predictions in my head, that says I will never have a natural erection again. Oh I forgot to mention I have been on penile rehabilitation with Dr. Mulhall's team at MSK. While I have had a few weeks without injecting at times, I have tried to remain consistent and remind myself to have faith, even though my libido is at a zero. Under these circumstances my partner has been great and often insists on being sexually intimate. Talk about "fake it until you make it',...LOL, I have faked so many orgasms at this point that I am on the border of resenting the times we are being sexually intimate. Not sure if anyone can relate, but this has been my experience thus far. So moving forward I really want to believe that I will regain some sexual normalcy with regards to erections, and increased endurance when I exercise. But I don't read many stories similar to my experiences on here. I don't mean to seem ungrateful, as I know many guys have had it much worse than me. However, I really miss being able to feel sexually turned on and have an orgasm. I know sex isn't everything in life and I have wonderful relationships and a meaningful career. However, I would be remiss not to state that sex was a big part of my life force energy, and at 53, I am not ready to say goodbye forever. Perhaps my attitude and outlook will change once I start to get some T-Cells back. Lastly, I want to thank everyone on here, who bravely continue to navigate their experiences with PC, and to those who have successfully regained their desired quality of life. So grateful for all of you.
Written by
Dreamweaverman
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There's always someone with a worse story/result and someone with a better one, but it's natural for each one of us to want to see our own situation, wherever we are, improve, no need to think you're "ungrateful" or apologize. Of course sex isn't EVERYTHING in life, but it's still a hell of a big thing, and a damn good big thing, and why shouldn't you want to get your ability back? not hard to understand! And I hope you do get it back.
Faking and resentment. I can certainly relate to that. I have been there, done that, and have the t-shirt. All I get from the pills is side effects with nothing happening where it is needed. For me, I do not find that anything available today from vacuum pumps, pills, tri-mix, to viberect gets me any closer to the spontaneity and ease of sex before PC. When getting a hard on involves work or pain, it becomes a chore. Talk about a buzz killer. I have recently found that using gravity to shake the blood into my johnson while thinking stimulating thoughts gives me a serviceable hard on. Now, I just need to get a cock ring to keep it. The Giddy looks interesting, but for $99???!!!
I relate. My partner is so intent on my pleasure and I am gratified by his efforts and the love behind them. I do not know the boundary between "faking" and the naturally diminished pleasure of not having an erection and not having semen. So am I faking? Maybe/maybe not. It feels good and I left him know that. As your testosterone climbs out of the pits I hope that you will get back your sex drive. I am contemplating asking from TriMix injections at my next visit. Purely selfishly, I want something to hold onto. Is that so bad?
You sure have had to go through max treatments, and it's no wonder that you're facing the fear of never having a natural erection again. And that your libido at least feels like it's at zero.
You likely had increasing difficulty, like most men who go through ADT, in getting and maintaining erections. And difficulty in dealing with a libido that flatlined during ADT, and has seemingly not recovered.
Your libido was effectively put to sleep in the zero-T environment of ADT, and continues in that sleep mode today. But that mojo you miss is still in you -- it can be awakened.
Have you been on daily low-dose tadalafil? Could you call an erection while taking that as 100% natural?
What IS a natural erection, bottom line? It's when a combo of primarily T and bloodflow into the penis occurs, and erection happens. Psychology plays a considerable part.
You probably know I'm going to recommend Giddy and/or Xialla.
The point, though, is that it's not the end of the world, after what you went through, to find that you need some assistance with pills and/or with unobtrusive, low-profile devices that will deliver that essential bloodflow increase.
IOW, you could feel good again that erections are being achieved, and that you can view the devices as priming the pump -- gathering up that extra bloodflow without you having to resort to the really unnatural VED or Trimix, although Trimix does deliver.
I can sure sympathize with your situation, dreamweaverman. You definitely want natural erectile processes that can "take over", given that help a device provides. So you still retain a natural erection in terms of outcome.
You need to shake your libido awake! By any means necessary. And erectile progress goes hand-in-hand, or mutually arises with, reawakening libido. Subsequent erectile successes encourage a positive feedback loop to be established.
That's how I got through ADT, although I didn't have surgery first, so your challenge has been greater.
I hope I've helped to mollify somewhat your mindset about what can still constitute a batural etecyike outcome, and move to accept device assistance.
May you have a successful re-eastablishment of your libido and erectile functioning in 2020!
I seem to be on similar treatment at MSK. I had an RP 16 months ago, followed by SRT and ADT. I only underwent 6 months of ADT, not 12 months.
My last shot of Lupron has been wearing off, and I cannot tell you how good it feels to have testosterone coursing through my veins again. My mood has improved and my libido is returning to normal. I feel like I have a new lease on life.
I hope and pray for several years of an undetectable PSA, so I don’t have to go back on ADT any time soon. I’m sure you are hoping for the same.
Hey Murph, thanks so much for sharing your experience. It has been a rough ride, but I’m grateful we have options. I will be sending some good happy healing energy your way. 2020 here we come! LoL.
Hey, thanks for the update. You've kind of been my mentor brother thoughout this whole process. Remember I got my RP a few weeks after you. While I have had luck on the PSA side, I have other chalenges. Be thankful that your partner has be there for you and somewhat supportive. Mine was not. Let's keep going through this jouney together. I would like to meet you one day.
Hey Jim, Thanks for reaching out. It means a lot to me. I am sorry to hear your partner has been less than supportive. PC is tough and sometimes it divides the men from the boys. Keep your head up. I have learned to give time...time, when dealing with this challenge. Sending lots of good healing energy your way.
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My urologist after RT and ADT
my journey so far 
Is ADT the end of sex? 
