Evening all, I have spent the whole day crying. Life has just got completely on top of me and as a result I feel like the worst mother & wife in the world. The last few years have been difficult to say the least...
2018 traumatic birth after years of fertility treatment and didn't cope well during treatment and after the birth (large postpartum hemorrhage ... Poorly healed episiotomy needing surgery... Severe postpartum depression as a result and general mismanagement in my care (received a formal apology from the trust) ) .
Started talking therapy March 2020 and again wasn't dealt with terribly well, unearthed some really difficult historic trauma which I wasn't prepared for then covid hit nd every door closed.
Multiple gynae issues told would never conceive naturally which hit me hard.
Then found out I was pregnant naturally.
c section 2021.
Since then my daughter has been diagnosed with autism, doesn't sleep very challenging behaviour which is getting worse. Help from the professionals is non existent. We have had to fight every step o f the way. And my now 1 year old son has also had some red flags raised about his gross motor development and social communication.. Plus he was hospitalised at 3 weeks old, unsettled CMPA reflux etc .
My father in law has been diagnosed with vascular dementia ( mother in law not coping). Husband won't discuss our struggles with his family.
We lost a child on my side of the family due to cancer in April. My side in pieces.
my cat has cancer cells in her bowel
no local family who can look after the kids both have very high needs so friends can't help
im going round the clock 24/7 had to give up work
its all come to a head. I feel so worried about my children. My husband who is nearly always very supportive just snapped at me today saying he could no longer help with the nights because it's not sustainable, he needs more rest. Told me I'm not doing enough. I feel broken 💔 ended up at the GP today I just walked in and cried 😢 he was nice but basically said I need to have a break
fine if I have someone to take the kids. My daughter isn't settled in preschool and so at home is very difficult. Everything from washing and dressing to brushing teeth to sleeping.
I feel so alone and like I've failed my children somehow.
Not even sure what I'm looking for but I need to talk to someone