2 under 2

[JLLWM]

hey all,

its been a while since i posted on here, my little girl ended up being born 17/12. it was pretty horrific and ive been mentally not well since (i am getting help though).

i however found out last week im pregnant again. i dont feel pregnant, i literally have no symptoms whatsoever…but idk if this is because my first one i was just so sick the whole way through. ive just been trying to ignore the fact i am pregnant because im having such bad anxiety over the no symptoms…also having 2 under 2. did anyone else feel like this?

sorry this whole post may not even make sense, im not very mentally well rn..

[Violet970]

Every pregnancy is different and not feeling any symptoms is not a bad thing especially with how sick you were in your previous pregnancy. I can't talk about the 2 under 2 from experience but I would say just make sure you're getting the help and support that you need. It's important that you are looking after yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for your babies.

Xx

[triplecats]

Good morning, every pregnancy is different, I am on baby number 5 and I can honestly say not a single 1 of my pregnancies have been the same. My first was the easiest, my 4th was the worst I ended up on crutches and some days using a wheelchair just to be able to get around. So try not to think that because you had such a bad pregnancy experience last time it will be the same again this time. Sometimes the lack of symptoms is a blessing in disguise. You can always have a private scan early on in pregnancy to check for viability and heartbeat. It may help to put your mind at ease. I had 2 under 2, I thought it would be difficult but it's all about routine. The sooner a routine is established the easier everything is. Make sure you have a good set if friends and family around you who you can call on when you just need that 30 mins to sit down, have a coffee and some adult chit chat. I found that to be most therapeutic. Good luck with everything. You've got this. You've seen and experienced the worst of pregnancy you're going to be just fine. One step in front of the other. One day at a time. Don't rush anything.

[Bigblueskies]

Hi

I’m sorry you had a traumatic experience first time around! That is often a cause of secondary tokophobia which might be a reason why you are feeling this way now. Please do ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team through your midwife or your GP. It can make a huge difference to have support during your pregnancy and after. That support can be psychological, medical (by working with specialists to have a good birth plan that makes you feel more confident) and also practical like eg getting someone to come and help you go out to activities once a week after the baby arrives. It can be a life saver, especially if you’re dealing with how you’re feeling while you have a little one (and soon two) to look after.

Also don’t dismiss your worry this pregnancy feels different. It’s still so early so maybe the symptoms will hit but if in doubt insist for an early scan to check it’s all ok in a week or so. I learnt the hard way that sometimes a pregnancy feels wrong for good reason.

When you are closer to the second trimester (and if all is well and you can afford it) please also consider a doula. They are amazing support!

I hope you’re ok and you get all the help you need! Xxx

[Supergirl87]

Can you speak to your doctor/midwife/health visitor for advice? I have no advice other than that. I had a very traumatic labour 18 months ago and which I haven’t dealt with yet. Sending hugs x

[Hidden]

So sorry to hear you are struggling. I dont think women are informed/prepared enough for the affects that pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood can have on our mental health. I'm so glad you are getting the support you need. I had three different pregnancies and three very different birth experiences so I would advise you not to overthink it - you never know how it will go.

There are 26 months between my first two then 15 months between the second and third. So when my third was born I had three under 3½. I'm not going to lie, it was a scary prospect, but I'm managing much better than I expected. The key is to not put too much pressure on yourself to be a supermom and just take it step by step. First focus on just meeting everyones basic needs- food and hygiene (including your own!) and lots of cuddles and bonding. Alongside trying to keep the house in a half decent state, that's a challenge enough at first while you're adjusting to having an extra one.

I had three years of depression and anxiety in my early 20s but have thankfully not had mental health issues during pregnancy or postnatally. I came close after my first due to the pressure I put on myself to successfully breastfeed. I had supply issues and my daughter had tongue tie which went ignored by healthcare professionals for 4 weeks (! Dont get me started on that)! After 12 weeks of a gruelling feeding, topping up, pumping, sterilising regime I was so sleep deprived and stressed and I started having thoughts about my self worth that crossed the line. Luckily I recognised what was happening and made the decision to move to formula feeding.

My second birth was a bit traumatic. It all went well in the end but it wasn't at all like the first, wasnt as planned, and contained moments of fear and of not feeling in control. Because of this my first month postnatal I was very emotionally unstable while I processed it all. The third birth was definitely the worst on paper, but didn't bother me at all. I think I was busy focusing on my physical recovery. I'm actually finding this third maternity leave the best of the three when it comes to mental health. Over time it can really get you down to be stuck in this groundhog day existence of nappies, feeding, picking up toys, washing up cleaning baby vomit off the sofa... but this time I have friends with babies too, so we are getting together regularly for a change of scenery and adult conversation and it is the best thing ever! Do you have any friends with babies? Or who don't work in the day? With my first I went to a lot of baby groups at local children's centres - baby massage, baby sensory, stay and play, rhythm and rhyme etc. whatever was free. You could also join a Facebook (or other social media) group for your local area. I've recently started a friendship with a first time mom who posted on our local group for advice re: baby friendly local activities. She was apprehensive about dealing with feeding, changing, crying etc in public so I offered to go with her. We've been to the park, a cafe and are planning a trip to the farm soon.

I'm aware I've started rambling and gone a bit off topic! Basically, try not to worry re pregnancy symptoms - each time is different. Try not to worry about birthing again - each time is different, as is your reaction to it. And dont worry about the challenge of having two under two - as long as you keep yourself sane the rest will fall into place. Just make your own health a priority and continue to get the help and support you need. It sounds like you're getting it all right so far x oh! And if you happen to be in the midlands you're welcome to join our mom group or come to the farm 😁👍🏻