Settling a 4 week old

[Loue86]

Hi my 4 weeks old son was in neonatal for the first 9 days of being born since we brought him home he has been very clingy won't be put down until he is asleep and even then sometimes he will wake after 10 minutes if not in deep sleep please can anyone help I have tried leaving him to self soothe but he gets too worked up and I can't leave him like that its not nice

[Seb9]

This is very normal behaviour, they've been attached to you for their entire lives, they won't be able to self soothe yet, it's a developmental stage that they won't teach for a while yet.I would have a read about the fourth trimester and just hold that baby while they need you.

[Sunnyday33]

He's still very young and in need of his mummy!

[copperkettle8]

I found a sling invaluable at this stage, if that's something you would consider trying. Means they can be soothed and you can keep a bit of sanity being able to eat dinner or go for a walk! Also for the first 6 weeks it's very common to be entirely on their schedule with little sense of night or day, which may mean taking it in turns to sleep with a partner or anyone else that can help you whilst the other soothes baby. If you haven't already, reading a bit about the "fourth trimester" might help you understand what's going on. Good luck! It's not an easy bit, and from what I understand babies that have been in neonatal will want that closeness even more to make up for it. I bet now he's with you he's loving it and doesn't want to let go xx

[Squeaker1]

Hi Loue86 I don’t normally post on these forums but I just wanted to let you know that we went through the same with our dd. She spent 2weeks in scbu and was 6 weeks early and when she got home she refused to be put down for weeks. She just needed that comfort and to know mummy and daddy were there. However we found that once she got big enough for baby sleeping bag she got a lot better. It seems to help as you can cuddle her in it and then it is warm and smells like you and then when she was put in the Moses basket the cold didn’t startle her and she didn’t cry as often to be held (although sometimes she still insists on being held all night) . From then on she would sleep for 3/4 hours in the cot most nights until she was hungry again so vast improvement. Keep your chin up through this phase…you will get through it 😁

[lizzybee81]

I was you until 24 hours ago, or so I bloody hope! We are 6 weeks tomorrow and everyone told me to hold on and I think they were right. He’s needed to be on someone 24/7 since birth, there’s 3 of us here and we were all zombies!

3 magical things happened in the last few days that told me he was ready

1 He started going longer in the night between feeds 4-5 hours, I took that as the circadian rhythm kicking in

2 He started smiling and gurgling (HV told me there’s no learned behaviour until they smile)

3 I believed

I think 3 is important it can’t be a coincidence that I thought ‘today is the day’ yesterday, I was calling it MY Freedom Day, and he spent a full 24 hours sleeping on his Snuz pod and Next to Me cot.

The last thing I’ll leave you with is you’ll also know the cries, you need to leave the smaller ones as much as they break your heart to hope and pray they stop. Good luck to us both! xx

[Loue86 in reply to lizzybee81]

Thank you I'm glad it's not just me I feel like a zombie too I also have a 3 year old to look after and my partner has gone back to work he works nights so I can't have any help from him only his nights off I'm hoping we get through it soon as I feel om no good to my newborn or my 3 year old as I just can't function fully

[Hidden]

I have a 4w old I swaddle him or he wakes himself up. Not sure if you’ve tried already but might help.

[Loue86 in reply to Hidden]

I have thank you its abit hit an miss with him

[Hidden in reply to Loue86]

My 1st (15 yrs ago) used to be like that but used to cry constantly for hours aswel, I used to prop up her mattress, put blankets either side of her, put a hot water bottle in before to heat up (winter baby) sometimes she’d fall asleep on a pillow for a bit nothing really worked. I was breast feeding at 6w I switched to formula as I was like a zombie just couldn’t do it anymore as soon as I did she settled I think she was starving or coincidence but it was like she was a different baby.