First pregnancy & MMC

[Party_Weasel]

Hi all. Although I have been a member of the forum for a few months, this is my first post and I just wanted to say how helpful it has been to me over the past few weeks.

My partner and I have been trying to conceive our first child for over 2 years - been through all the tests with the NHS and had been referred to IVF. The day after getting the IVF referral, I found out we had conceived naturally. All the excitement followed. I had my dating scan on Friday, however, only to find I had a mmc. There baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks.

Naturally, we are completely heartbroken and it is today that my body has decided to deliver the tissue (if that's the right phrasing). I am so grateful, however, that there are so many honest and supportive women (and men) on here who have been willing to share their stories and offer help to others. Reading posts and knowing how many other people have been through this helped to protect me a little when the news broke. Your stories of subsequent success have helped lift our spirits for a more positive outcome next time. You are all kind and generous and I wanted to say how your messages are helping even the silent members of this forum. Thank you. X

[Hidden]

Aww I’m sorry you’ve had to go through a mmc it’s awful nothing really prepares you for that awful news. Take time and care of yourself x

[Party_Weasel in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, you are absolutely right. I The blow felt cushioned by doing lots of reading that helped develop an understanding, but the grief is still stark x

[Hidden in reply to Party_Weasel]

I’ve had 3 mmc at 12w and currently 13w my scan is tomorrow although we’ve had 2 scan already I still have that dread because of prev mc

[Party_Weasel in reply to Hidden]

Oh my goodness, that's a difficult run. Wishing you all the very best for the tomorrow 🤞

[kc21]

Hi so sorry for your loss ! Xx I am going through same although cause it was ivf I found out sooner I am 6 weeks 5 days abs I am over a week behind and my hcg is rising too slowly so it’s a loss. I go back in tomorrow for a scan and I hope to get closure as I’ve been in limbo for a week which is like hell on earth and I am still so tired as technically pregnant! Xx it’s the worst pain I’ve ever had x I am lucky I have twins from who are 3 but it doesn’t take the pain away from thinking you are pregnant to not being ! Xxx

[Party_Weasel in reply to kc21]

Thank you and I am also sorry to hear about yours. I really hope you are able to tie up this chapter soon and your body can start recovery. I am trying to let my mind heal at its own pace, but that can be easier said than done. I hope your journey isn't too bumpy. Xxx

[kc21 in reply to Party_Weasel]

Thank you I am not going to lie I am struggling ! X I prob need to talk to someone when this over ... I am so sad and I need to pull myself together ! Xxx wishing you baby dust for the future x

[Party_Weasel in reply to kc21]

I wouldn't say you need to pull yourself together at all. Let yourself grieve, that's what I am doing. I am lucky to have a very supportive husband and we have been very open and honest with each other, sharing our sadness. Talking has really helped me, so I can only suggest that you do too if you feel it will help. xx

[kc21 in reply to Party_Weasel]

Thank you x my husband is amazing but I think it’s hard for him to totally understand when his body is not going through it x I just need a bit more help I think x mentally I am drained x

[E_0115]

Im so sorry for your loss x After 5 years of trying my husband and I went for ivf which ended in a MMC at 6+5 back in April, so I very much feel your pain. Everything you are feeling is valid and it’s great to hear that you are able to talk through you’re grief and that you feel supported. I personally really struggled for months and it can still catch me by surprise even months on. Like many others on this forum I would be happy to chat if it helps, I’ve been hugely comforted by the kindness of strangers.

After a second shot at ivf I am now 19 weeks pregnant, so please do have faith that it can happen.

Wishing you all the best x

[Party_Weasel in reply to E_0115]

Thank you for sharing. I'm only just a week in and already understand what you mean about being caught by surprise unexpectedly. Really happy to hear your good news, though, and I hope wholeheartedly that this time round everything works out well for you. x

[Hermias]

Love your attitude, heartbreaking news, usually 3 month after mc is a fertile time....good luck! Well for me it was xxx

[Party_Weasel in reply to Hermias]

Wow, that is great to hear! Both that there is an increased chance and that it worked out for you xxx

[Gillis]

I'm so sorry to hear that your going through this difficult time. Take time to grieve for your loss.I myself had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks with my first pregnancy, I'm now 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. I think the hardest thing was thinking everything was ok and then being told its not. I wish you well and hope you get good news soon, if you need to talk I'm here for you.

[Party_Weasel in reply to Gillis]

Thank you for your kindness. I guess I had a niggling anxiety that there was a chance of bad news, but was certainly thinking that I had previously had no reason for concern and that everything was going to be OK at the scan.Brilliant news that you are so far along with your current pregnancy, though. Wishing you all the best for a happy, healthy baby x

[AER91]

Hi there, I am so so sorry you’re dealing with this. Your story is almost identical to ours (almost every detail - time trying to the IVF referral and eventual loss via MMC at the same gestation. (Mine was in August).

I just want you to know that things do get better. Although right now you probably feel like the world is swallowing you up and every day probably feels like the longest 24 hours of your life, but each day that passes will bring a new (albeit small) window of feeling ok until you get back to functioning in a similar way you did before.

Personally, what helped me was embracing a new hobby so I started hot yoga and breathing exercises. The first few times I cried in there but every time was a new chance to breath through that emotion. I find I use the techniques when I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with the thoughts. It’s not for everyone though and I’m sure you’ll find your own way through as you sound super strong and it sounds like you have a supportive other half which is invaluable.

I know you mentioned stories about subsequent successes and I wasn’t going to mention until I re-read your post - but we were also told that the 3 months following would be highly fertile and we ended up finding out I was pregnant again in October after my first period (although that has brought its own onslaught of anxieties and each day now feels like it’s a 1000 hours long in a new way).

I hope that this has helped you in some way. And I really wish you and your husband the best! X

[Party_Weasel in reply to AER91]

I read your response earlier but couldn't reply as it choked me up. I'm sorry that you have also been through this, but really happy you've had another positive so quickly. Thank you for your words of advice and encouragement, they really do mean a lot. I showed your post to my husband too and he was heartened by the words as well. Sending every best wish for your pregnancy. X

[AER91 in reply to Party_Weasel]

Ah I hope you’re as ok as you can be today. I’m not really a poster but when I read your story something told me I had to reply. You’re welcome, you’re also more than welcome to message me if you have any questions or even if you want a chat. One of the hardest parts of my grief was Googling everything and I’d find myself knee deep in forums looking for people who had been through the same thing, so if I can help in any way I will do. Thank you so much for your wishes x