How to react to husbands poor behaviour to toddler and baby

[Cheekymunchkins]

Husband told two year old to shut the F up when she was having a random tantrum in the middle of the night, have told was unacceptable but not sure how for react; also screamed for me because was busy downstairs to come up and take the baby (5m) and scared him so he cried. How to react, he is stressed with work but not excuse

[Wondering20]

So sorry to read about your experience. You are right to say this is not acceptable. If this is out of character for your partner it sounds like he is extremely stressed and struggling. It could be a sigh of trouble with his mental health, perhaps depression. If you can talk to him when he is in a good mood, to explain how it made you feel, how it made your children feel, and that you are concerned because it is out-of-character, perhaps he will have the chance to open up about why he is feeling this way. You may then be able to suggest methods for helping him, whether this be more spending time with the kids/less time at work/doing something one-on-one with your children, or perhaps seeing a doctor for help. I hope it all works out for the best - children are innocent and it is unnecessary (and detrimental) to speak to them in this manner. Any you need support from him too. Parenting is hard but together it should be easier for you both, not more difficult!

[QT314]

Hi! I wish I had an answer because something similar happened to us a few months back and I was shocked that my boyfriend could treat our baby daughter like that. He's now great with her but I struggle to get past that cos it was more than once and unfortunately I'm afraid to let him take the lead when she's unsettled as I don't trust he'll be patient enough and end up doing most if the work myself... he has been working on his patience and hopefully it'll never happen again.

Regarding what you said about him being stressed, it is still unacceptable to talk to your kids like that BUT I remember being really stressed once when my company was treating me really badly and once I was fine I realised I had been treating people a bit badly...