Ex applying for 50/50- chances?

[brown782239]

My ex partner has just announced he’s taking me to court for 50/50 custody of our 2 yr old, 4 yr old and baby due 5/4. I’m incredibly stressed and worried at the prospect of not seeing my children for 3 nights a week, particularly as they are so young. What are his chances of getting this? I really do not feel this is the best set up for them at this stage. He is completely unreasonable and any attempts to talk never get anywhere. I’m fine to go to court, but will be devastated if he gets his way. Would appreciate any thoughts x

[Cheekymonkey85]

Sorry I have to ask, are there any reasons why he shouldn't have them 50/50? What are the current arrangements?

[brown782239 in reply to Cheekymonkey85]

Currently he has every other weekend fri,sat, sun and 1 night in the week. They are so young I feel they need one place they sleep mostly, particularly for a newborn. I’m not objecting to time spent, just feel like they should spend the majority of slept nights in one home. If they were older then fine, but I worry a 2 yr old, 4 yr old and baby will struggle to live half and half. Also, his proposal means I would not see them 3 nights in a row each week, that breaks my heart.

[Tiddly1984]

Hi Brown, I’m a social worker and often encounter parental conflict around contact. My view is that given that the children are too young to express a reliable view, unless their father poses a risk to them or cannot meet their needs he’s likely to get some form of contact (including overnight and weekends) although it’s impossible to say what the actual schedule may look like. Children often have a primary residence and a primary carer as it affords them stability and consistency of care so contact is rarely equal, especially in the cases of young infants, but again it’s for a court to decide. At present it seems that you’re your children’s main carer which may count in your favour. With regards to contact you mention that your former partner is already seeing his children at alternate weekends and a day in the week and a judge may consider this arrangement to be sufficient if the children are settled and he finds it in their best interest to maintain such a routine, however it may also be that a judge sees fit to increase the contact or to set a schedule where it increases over a set period of time. I understand that the arrangement proposed by the children’s father would be difficult for you but a court looks at what is best for them and ultimately children do adjust if they receive good care. Sorry you’re going through this and sorry if this is not what you want to hear but I thought you’d appreciate knowing where you’re likely to stand. Good luck.

[Hidden]

I can’t even imagine how hard this would be for you. Sorry you’re going through this when you’re heavily pregnaht too! I can’t imagine the courts will give him 50/50 for the newborn...ensure you BF as that would make it harder for him to have the baby and a newborn needs their mum and one stable environment.

Is he going for 50/50 now so he doesn’t have to pay child support? I see lots of dads do this. If he wants to do it with your older too...I’m betting he’ll change his mind after a little while!

I just hope he’s a good dad to them and loving ahd reliable. Good luck and try to stay calm (although hard). Xx

[Hidden]

Hi I’m sorry you are going through this it is never easy, but being pregnant it is the last thing you need. In my experience you can’t stop over night contact. The court will look at your current arrangements depending how long they have been in place but I am assuming as you are pregnant that this may be a relatively recent arrangement. As far as the baby is concerned are you planning on breast feeding? If so they are less likely to implement over night stays for the first few months. Courts do tend to make one person the primary career so a 50/50 split is unlikely. If this is a very fresh break up is there any chance that emotions are running high and your ex is acting out of emotion rather than logically thinking what is best for the children. The court is there to protect the children and they do this my enforcing the child’s right to have a relationship with the parent it is not about the rights of the parent. Good luck I hope it all works out for you. Try not to stress xxx

[shannatate]

Tell you what I'd do because I'm so not interested in stressing myself out while pregnant. Tell him he can the kids whenever he likes, 5 days a week if he'd like and by the time the baby is here that will soon loose it's novelty, and to tell you the truth I know a newborn needs their mom yes but I would make sure he was set for the newborn too and if I was breast feeding I'd just express and drop it off to him too. He'd soon stop his foolishness about going to court and wanting them 50% of the time. Must think raising 3 young children is easy. I think this will last short period of time. A lot of men can be spiteful and and lack empathy. Unless you feel the children are at risk with him.

[LauraJ85]

I'm currently going through a similar thing, although my sons father has only decided he wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. He has had no interest in even seeing him (my son is nearly 9 months and he has only seen him once, doesn't turn up when we arrange for him to see him etc) and now hes threatening to take me to court because after months of ignoring cms they went through his employer.

If you are not planning on having him on the birth certificate for your new baby he will have to apply for parental responsibility and you will have to go for mediation first and like other have said def try to breast feed.

If there is a reason your ex has decided to do this such as money then dont worry the courts aren't daft they will have the interest of your children as priority.

Keep doing what your doing as they will see your not stopping contact.

The gingerbread website is fab for single parent advice.

I'm really sorry you are having to go through this especially when you are pregnant. I'm constantly on edge waiting to hear from a solicitor so can imagine how you are feeling. Hopefully he is all mouth. Good luck with everything x