Pregnant and drowning in worry

[JNDuce12-13]

I’m not sure why I’m posting, I think I just need someone to tell me everything will be ok.

I am newly pregnant (only 6weeks) and me and my partner have parted ways! He has been very distant lately and not overly interested in me.

But long story short... I am feeling sick with worry that I’m going to have a 5.5yr old and a new born to look after on my own. I can’t fathom how I’m going to cope, I know people do all the time but I can’t see clearly yet.

My family live abroad, living the life in the sun, I don’t have any close friends that can help. So I’m drowning in worry. I’m not sure I’ll cope.

Any sort of ideas or reassurance would be lovely

[Hidden]

I don’t have any advice but when the time comes I’m sure you’ll be just fine. People always find ways to cope when they couldn’t see it possible.

A lot can happen before now and baby arriving so hopefully things will work itself out xx

[Bluelady-sing]

Why did he leave? has he left before? what was his relationship history meeting you?

[Airwreckkaa]

It WILL be ok. You’ll be ok.

I have a similar predicament on my hands. I have a three year old already and am six weeks pregnant with my second.

The father of them has recently left the scene.

Isolation from family is so hard at a time like this and I sympathise with you hugely.

If you can, you should reach out to them as often as you need to.

Let them know how you’re feeling so they will know to check in on you, too. It’s amazing what a simple phone call with someone who loves you, the sound of their voice, can do for your mentality.

It’s ohr instinct to not want to worry or burden our family but I’m sure that they would want to know if you were struggling with anything and they would want to be there for you, however they could.

Would it ever be an option for you to move out to wherever they are, too?

You should be open with your midwives about your worries as well so that they can be vigilant when it comes to the risks of pre and post natal depression.

My only other advice to you would be to try to keep things as simple as possible with regards to your partner and focus only on yourself and your children.

In my case, one of my biggest regrets when my first child was born was giving too much attention to my partner and the conflict between us and not focusing the little energy I had, in the right place.

Recognise that your partner leaving you while you’re in the early stages of pregnancy is HIS weakness, not yours.

If any of your worries are about money; make sure, first of all, that the father is held financially responsible. Whether he wants involvement in your baby’s life or not, your baby is entitled to support from both parents.

Things have a way of working themselves out. You will get through the hard times and find yourself in a good, happy place again before you know it.

X

[Masha111 in reply to Airwreckkaa]

You have a good head on your shoulders. What sound advice x

[JNDuce12-13 in reply to Airwreckkaa]

This is what I needed to hear, thank you.

I have also been guilty of focusing on all the conflict rather than my little boy, and it really is a waste of energy.

My main worry is the being tired, having post natal depression again like I did with my son, and just not coping well.

As you say, it all will all work out, it has a way of doing so.

X

[Airwreckkaa in reply to JNDuce12-13]

Yeah, I understand that worry completely. I suffered post-natal depression with my first as well.

I found the first months very difficult, struggled to bond with him and if I’m being completely honest; I felt like I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life and I wasn’t cut out to be a Mother.

It’s only natural to get emotionally caught up in a break up or in turbulence in a relationship. But what you need when your baby comes, is mental space from everything else, so you can concentrate only on your children and yourself.

The main thing that turned everything around for me with my first baby was letting go of the conflict with my partner.

He walked out on us when my son was two months old, met someone else within a week. It tortured me and I let my heartbreak and anger take over a big portion of my life which left very little energy to cope with my newborn.

One day, I realised something had to give and with some things in life, you can either let go... or be dragged.

Try to keep in mind that you can never control another person’s feelings or actions, only your own and if he’s the type of person that made you feel like he wasn’t interested in you and to ultimately leave you when you arguably need him the most, I promise you that you will be stronger without him.

If you suffered with PND with your first, you may be at a higher risk of it the second time around so just make sure you tell your health visitors and midwives. As I’m sure you know already from your first experience of it, PND can be debilitating but mental health issues breed when they’re kept in silence and isolation.

Opening up, accepting help wherever it’s offered and keeping contact with your family as much as possible given the distance will see you through it all. X

[jupiter1234]

Your a strong woman you've got this!