Bit of advice please

[Kt19]

So I’m nearly 17 weeks pregnant 🤰 3rd baby I’ve two girls 15 and 5 . Work part time how can I explain to my partner I’m not tidying up as much and putting his folded clothes away straight away because I’m exhausted I’ve been sick everyday at least 3times a day for the last 16 weeks I’ve had bad utis too . It’s me that does the school run before and after work kids tea baths and bed.when all thats done and I can finally sit and maybe eat he has a go saying the house isn’t tidy enough he’s been at work all day it should be done. I’ve tried to explain even pointed out his clothes are clean the house is hoovered May be some toys out but I’m exhausted. Now he’s saying I’m lazy and he needs to think about our future wether he can live with us anymore (11years we’ve been together) says he’s a adult and shouldn’t have to put his own clothes away when I pointed out our girls help. Need some advice in how to make him see I’m not being lazy i just have no energy and need a little more help x

[Major2116]

Not gonna lie hun, the way he's treating you is shocking. He's an adult which is exactly why he should have to put his own clothes away.

My fiancé works 4 on and 4 off 12 hour shifts. We have a 5 week old son so the 4 days he's working i dont wake him so he can sleep and be good for work as he runs big machines that could be dangerous. Some days I'm that exhausted from lack of sleep I barely do any housework but he doesn't complain as he understands how tiring it can be.

If he's willing to leave just because he has to put his clothes away and he doesn't think the house is clean enough then more fool him. Point him in the direction of the hover and put your feet up! You don't need the stress right now. It's not good for you or baby.

Sorry I'm of no help but I don't want you to think any of what he's saying is true. You're doing your best and doing more than you should be for 17 weeks pregnant! He should be helping you. You're doing a fantastic job xx

[Kt19 in reply to Major2116]

I’ve told him this morning he knows where the door is said I wouldn’t cope without him . Funny thing is I pay most the bills myself and well do all the child care so he’s got that wrong 😡 got midwife appointment today going to hear babies heart beat for the first time can’t wait but he’s made me so angry I can’t even smile 😕

[Major2116 in reply to Kt19]

Exactly hun. You can do it on your own. You don't need him putting you down! Just focus on your baby. Don't let him get to you! X

[Klc83]

Hi Kt

I agree he's being incredibly selfish. Maybe he is used to you doing everything for him and now behaving like a child because it's not all about him anymore? Remind him you are a partnership, both responsible for the house and children and the work that goes along with it. Does he do ANYTHING to help with the house and kids? Maybe you should point out all the things he doesn't do too - bet that list is longer! When he is unwell I assume you give him the extra care and support he needs?! He should be doing the same for you too, not making you feel guilty or useless. If this was a planned pregnancy he needs to support you through every part of it and if it wasn't then at least take responibility for the situation he helped create. Him saying about having to consider the future and then backtracking with 'I don't think you'd cope' sound to me like he's behaving like a spolied brat. He's not getting his own way so is making threats to try and get what he wants. Good on you for calling his bluff!

I hope you can work through your situation and the pregnancy gets easier for you. Please don't go to your appointment with a negative mindset. Your baby is more important than his childish behaviour.

All the best x

[Kt19]

Thank you . Yes baby was planned came a lot quicker then we thought a month but yes very much planned . No he makes his own tea on a night now because I’ve told him I’m not waiting till gone 930pm to eat do offer to make him something he can warm up later but always refuses.

No he works 6-5Monday -Friday sometimes sat so thinks he does enough his words not mine . Or he’s taken to do the shopping on a Sunday because believe it or not he loves shopping that’s it. Comes home on a night I greet him with a smile sometimes a beer even give a kiss which now he’s started turning his cheek 😳 gets a bath then comes down opens a beer not ever night but most says hi the the girls then we’ll looks at his phone whilst I’m sorting the girls and my tea then god if I dare ask him to do something it’s like a sloppy teen x so fed up but personal but I’ve not even stopped the sex but he’s refusing that now won’t even sleep in the bed with me some nights I’ll go to the loo and his already in bed in the he spare room no night nothing

[Lyndsaytw79]

By telling him to pack his clothes that you haven’t washed, take his selfish arse somewhere else, because his attitude is horrible. Threatening to leave you and the kids?? I’m sorry, I might sound really harsh and I’m not being rude to you but he sounds like a right tit and if you’re doing everything yourself anyway what’s the point? Yes you could say for your daughters but I wouldn’t want my daughter thinking that that is an acceptable way as a female to be treated by a man.

[Hidden]

Oh dear, mind I like a clean tidy house but if anyone living in it told me it wasn’t up to scratch while I work have 2 kids to sort etc I’d smash the place up and leave it. Grown man can’t put his clothes away that’s more of a child to me. I’ve been on my own before for 3 years I’d rather do it again than put up with constant shite of a man saying I’m no good.

[Georgina_D]

Tell him you are not well!

[roxannacar]

I don't think you need to find the way to tell him... I think it's up to him. Yesterday I was looking after my 6m and 2.5 half year old and by the time he came at 8 I hadn't cooked yet and the living room was a mess, as baby had a rough day and fell asleep on me. So he made us some cheese and onion toasties and cup of tea.

Maybe you need to have a serious chat with him ... is there something else going on with him or is this always him?

[Kt19]

To be honest he’s always been a spoilt git mummy’s boy had everything done for him. But he’s getting worse going outside to talk when the phone rings when I walk past I’d hes on the phone he shouts off what ever he’s doing . I don’t think he cheating cause he’s home everyday but maybe chatting to someone he shouldn’t be which In my mind is as bad! I’ve confronted him he says I’m being paranoid x

[Lyndsaytw79 in reply to Kt19]

Tell him to go back to his mother!

[Sisi14 in reply to Kt19]

I was thinking it was an excuse to get out too that he’s talking to someone else and making out it’s your fault when he leaves!

I would tell him to fix up or move out , it’s 21 century and we are equals no matter how many hours he works if you chose to put he’s things away that’s a bonus for him but if you don’t then he’s able to do it himself!

Put your foot down hun because you wouldn’t want anyone to treat your children like that so their mum shouldn’t be! Xx

[Chenichen]

The thing is hes not even acting like a child because i know my child and many others do not behave that way, they help out when we ask or when they see us tidying they might join in, they are not mean to us. He’s acting nasty towards you and has the cheek to make out like you wouldnt cope, he’s manipulating the situation so that when he is ready he will do what he wants, his lack of interest in housework is one thing but no matter how tired he is from work he must want to show an interest in his children he should be helping to get them ready for bed he can crash out after im so sad for you that your in this situation but i would say do what is right for you, look at what your children are witnessing because believe me their fathers behaviour is not normal and its not ok and you deserve more x