Back again… Twin boy continues to cry! Advice?

[XOXO13]

Hi everyone,

Back again, with the same problem as before. My twin boy (now 4 months old) continues to cry a lot of the day, and I really do not know what to do anymore.

Since my last post, I took him back to the paediatrician who changed his milk to an amino acid formula and his Omeprazole dose was increased to help his reflux. He also saw an ENT doctor who confirmed his has laryngomalacia and reflux laryngitis. He will grow out of the floppy larynx apparently and if we control his reflux, that should help his reflux laryngitis.

For a short while after changing his milk, he seemed to massively improve. He went from crying 90 percent off the day to a happy, smiley baby. It was so lovely to see, he’d wake up smiling and sleep a little better. I thought we’d turned a corner but it was short lived…

He has recently had his first cold, very snotty and a bloody nose which the doctor said is just because his nasal cavity is inflamed from the cold. I thought maybe that’s why he has been clingy again but the crying is just all day, inconsolable at times. If I manage to get him to nap, it’s for the shortest of times before he wakes up crying again. It then takes forever for me to settle him back down.

I’ve reached a point today where I just feel quite overwhelmed with it all, and like I’m failing both of my babies. Because my little boy took so much of my attention last night (I got maybe 2 hours of broken sleep, and he slept with me in the end), I neglected to notice that his twin sister had pooped and therefore she now has nappy rash which has really upset me. The doctor has prescribed her some cream and tried to make me feel better about the situation, but I can’t help but blame myself because I should have checked her. It was just that I was so exhausted trying to comfort her brother, I didn’t think.

I’ve tried everything that I can think off, but these days I’m now even nervous to go out incase he cries none stop and then his sister starts. I have a supportive husband but he has to work, so I am alone a lot of the time.

Has anyone and similar and can offer some advice on what could possibly be causing him upset? I don’t always pick him up when he cries so it’s not that he’s used to being held, I do leave him to cry it out but it doesn’t seem to work!

Thanks so much for reading this far if you’ve made it! Xx

[Rabbit89]

Hi there,Bless you sounds like you are going through it .

My daughter only has one but he had bad reflux too and wouldn’t nap for long before waking. They then tend to cry more as overtired.

She used a baby carrier which was a godsend for her and he slept more which stopped him being overtired and waking at night .

It worth a try…….

She has also used a sleep training app…. Absolutely brilliant and they are responsive to any questions.

Hope this may have helped a little ….

Xx

[Purpledoggy]

I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time, that sounds really stressful. Please don’t be hard on yourself-you’re doing the very best you can.

If having a cold made his crying worse could he be stuck in an overtired cycle? It’s wretched trying to get out of one once they get mega tired. I can’t really offer a good solution, it just sounds familiar as I have had a few of them and they take days to sort out.

Is there anything at all that can help him to nap like a car journey just to try and settle him and get him some sleep?

Xx

[Cinderella5]

Awww my love please forgive yourself for your little girl having a poo and you being so caught up in tlyour little boy. My boys are at nursery now and are getting poorly and it's bloody hard to balance your cuddle and caring time, really hard. I agree with the over tired, it can make them really cranky but so does being poorly. I found eucalyptus oil in their room helped them breath better and sleep longer when they have a cold....my house sometimes smells like a spa....which to be fair is better than poo!🤣 Also our GP gave us a tip to put something under the matress at the head end (like a rolled up towel) so babies were sleeping on a slant to help with refux. My heart goes out to you and sending you a million hugs.xxx

[Millbanks]

Oh love, I really feel for you. I can’t imagine how tough this is 💔As the others have mentioned, the overtired thing makes things even worse and I started using the Huckleberry app which is scarily accurate as to when my bud needs a nap. He starts getting cranky and almost immediately I get a notification ti say it’s nearly nap time. This really helps to manage his tiredness and know that I’m putting him down at the right time.

It might be totally useless for you but thought I would mention it.

Also, do not feel bad for missing your little girls poo. I have done that several times (even when he’s telling me) and I only have one.

We’re only human.

Much love to you xxx

[Mcra]

Poor you, this sounds so exhausting and your poor baby boy. Don't beat yourself up about your girl's nappy rash. We've all been in this situation and you have twins, you're doing great! I hope GP will listen to you and help your baby feel better as it doesn't sound right.And I'd advise you not to let your baby cry it out, it's a myth that it helps with anything. Babies are meant to be picked up and comforted, it's not spoiling them, it's responding to their natural needs. That's how they build their confidence. They only just spent months being so close to you all the time. I echo PP's advice to try babywearing. It's very helpful. You could try to babywear your boy while attending to your girl.

Good luck, you've got this!

[Pnw2020]

Hi. First of all you are obviously a brilliant mum so don’t be hard on yourself! I can only imagine how distressing it must be seeing your little boy unsettled.

I have 2 month old twins and find a a sling very useful. It settles my ‘cranky’ twin quite quickly and allows me to tend to the other twin and have free hands. Fabric slings are nice for the home. I borrowed the caboo lite from a local sling library. I have now progressed on to a different one but it is folds small and fits under pram along with all the other paraphernalia!

Also, could you ask your husband to do part of the night shift so you can catch up on some sleep? Even a few nights would probably help.

[Olive12345]

Colds make reflux worse, it will take a little while to settle. Slings are great for reflux babies, they nap much better in them and have you raised the cot so he is sleeping on an incline? I wouldn’t worry about the nappy rash, most babies get that and if anything, I’d just be patting yourself on the back it didn’t happen sooner! Hope everything settles back down soon xxx

[Bella_Bee]

Aw hun, fck, I'm sorry. Mine is 4 months too and he had awful gas and suspected silent reflux. The crying.. that high pitched, purple in the face, throwing their limbs backwards and arching their back. The stuff of nightmares. Mine cried from 4 weeks to 16 pretty much on the dot. I'm happy to say it stopped 2 weeks ago though so hopefully yours will too? They say it sort of works itself out around 4 months. I never believe it could the way he cried. And like you I was terrified of going out in case he kicked off. I didn't leave the house for a month at its peak except for park naps. Please don't do that. The crying bothers us more than anyone else. Force yourself to go out, even if just at friends' houses.

If the medication worked, even briefly, it must mean that it did address the right issue. Brain dump of things that helped mine here even though I'm sure you know it all - I'm a first time mum making this stuff up as I go along:

- regarding sleep: wake windows, blackout curtains, swaddle, shushing and dummy. I did the tiny incline under his bed too that cindarella mentioned but I was too freaked out by the thought of him sliding down. It was a TINY incline so I'm sure I was overreacting but it only lasted a couple of nights as I was up all night checking on him. When I had to force a nap the only way was to take him out in the pram (bassinet). We have a bumpy road here in our local park. Worked a treat.

- regarding reflux: there is this reflux lady on instagram with a massive following. Aine something.. Google her. She pushes sales FAR too hard for my liking which really pissed me off but if my boy's issue hadn't resolved I would have probably bought her course as she does seem well respected. If it's gas instead of reflux Dr Brown bottles and infacol helped me the most. But you will know. Mine felt instantly better (temporarily) after letting out some massive burps. With reflux that's not really the case.

- regarding crying: everyone has mentioned baby slings but mine HATED it. Any position that crunched his tummy in any way he hated. He wouldn't even rest on my shoulder, just stand there upright as I held him or arch backwards. [Almost dropped him a couple of times he would fling himself back so violently.] I had to carry him with his belly up across my front if you know what I mean. He liked that. When he was inconsolable putting him on a changing mat and sliding it on a bed back and forth made him laugh. It was the only thing that worked everytime. Do not ask me why 🤣 And the monkey on the tree hold across my forearm worked too.

-regarding mental health. I cried constantly when my boy was inconsolable. It is a well established form of torture. 3 months of it is just unbearable. Now is the time to claim back all the favours of a lifetime. Friends, family, neighbours, acquaintances.. can your husband do any work from home? I know he works but so do you (I would actually take the paid work option ANY DAY over looking after screaming children) so please make sure he is super involved. I had my baby on my own but am spending maternity leave with my parents back in the UK. His care falls to me 80% of the time but my parents are amazing esp when things get a bit hairy. I also asked my brother to come over. Everyone is a little daunted by a screaming baby but my presence doesn't change anything, he still cried so everyone just roughed it out.

Regarding your daughter's nappy rash: I find aquaphor baby healing ointment the best of the best. It's hugely popular in the US, here it's a bit expensive but it comes in a MASSIVE tub which probably lasts a whole year.

Fingers crossed it passes quickly hun. You have all my empathy. PM me anytime. Xxx

[XOXO13]

Hi all,

Sorry it’s taken me a while to respond to you all… hands well and truly always full (in the best possible way).

Just wanted to say thank you for you encouragement, advice and support. It was just what I needed. I managed extra sleep and it’s made me feel more alive! We took my son to see an osteopath who said he’s holding a lot of tension under his rib cage and in his tummy so they’re going to try help with some treatment for him. Last resort!

We really have tried everything though; sling (he isn’t a fan), a carrier (we do this occasionally and helps eventually), pram (doesn’t settle in there anymore) etc., today though, he amazingly just fell asleep nestled in the nursing pillow, immediately after his feed and he slept for 2 hours! I’ve decided that getting him to nap in the nursery right now isn’t my goal, I’ll take wherever he chooses to nap over me trying to continue with a routine for now!

And totally agree with the use of Dr Brown bottles, I also use those as my preferred bottles.

And just FYI, I also don’t leave him to cry for long on his own! But if it’s a whimpering cry, I do because I have his sister to attend to as well so I can’t physically not put him down at times. Don’t want you thinking I just leave him to cry hysterically on his own though, I’d never do that.

His sick is still terrible, he’s been sick so much today but he’s putting the weight on which is good news. The midwife today just said that it’s one of those things, he will grow out of it eventually which is basically what everyone tells me.

Anyway, I really appreciate each of your responses, thank you. Sometimes I just need to refuel but finding the time to do so is much harder than I ever thought would be possible!

He’s currently asleep in my arms, and just looks like an Angel 💙 xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to XOXO13]

❤ You're doing great....just remember, this is the hardest job in the world ans you're doing it for two!xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much ❤️ Really need to hear this xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to XOXO13]

I know you do, I did too! I'm really hoping you catch a break soon sweetheart! It has gotten better at my end, different challenges with but sleep is better. Massive hugs.xxx

[Bella_Bee in reply to XOXO13]

Good to read this hun. It is so so so goddamn hard. But what makes our feelings about it all so complex is also how wonderful certain moments are. And all this whilst feeling physically broken ourselves (in my case anyway!). And you have two! I can't even imagine. Hang in there. Everything will change up soon enough and we'll have new problems to deal with. 😁

[Hidden in reply to XOXO13]

Just to add encouragement I had a reflux baby and the osteopathy was really beneficial for us but we didn’t go until 6 months for various reasons … fingers crossed it will help you , it looks like they are barely doing anything but I did see a noticeable difference in her neck and shoulder mobility and so milk intake must have been better and reflux / sleep eased slightly after that but was still tough going for some time . Good luck , your doing amazingly !!!

[XOXO13 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!! So glad it helped you and really hoping it does him as well 🤞🏻 It just feels like it’s one thing after another with him, and I guess I’ve two extremes with his sister as well which makes everything he’s going through seem so much more worse than maybe it is. But I’m pooped! He’s currently sleeping on me, head on my belly, bum in air and legs on the bed - he gets into the most random positions to be comfortable for sleep 🤣 xx

[Cmc2020]

Hey that sounds really hard my now 1 year old had bad reflux too he might need it increased even more she was on a very high dose at a young age they put her on neocate formula which made a massive difference she still has reflux but she’s not half as bad as she used to be she sleeps now and never cry’s I was at my wits end it’s very tiring just keep going back and forth to docs and tell them it’s not right etc when people say it doesn’t last for ever at the time it feels like it I couldn’t leave the house most days because all she done was cry it’s such a shame for them and is what formula have they put him on ? Xx