Hubby wants another baby for fear of being bored now our two sons are getting older? Is he right about a void? There would be a 7-8 gap

[yelskwah85]

Hi

Not quite sure how to ask this but here it goes...

Our gorgeous boys are 7 and 10. My husband has brought up on and off for years about having more. I've always said no as think the age gap is too big...

Well it's risen again. He feels there will be a void. A VOID... What is he going to do with life? Spare time? Just me for company 🤣🤣🤣

We are early 30s.

Now he's put the idea in my head and it's kind of a now or never thing. I'm worried about age gap, starting over, the effect on my boys having newborn. Relationship effect.

We are already half way through so to speak ... I think maybe the dream won't quite live up to reality. Holidays? Entertaining? With the age gap. Would it then be fairer to have two so have company?

Anyone been through this

[sanchia46]

I wouldn’t worry so much about the void. I think the boys will cope fine.

[SwishyP]

I don't think that's the right reason to have another child... tell him to take up a hobby if he's stuck for what to do with his spare time.

I know plenty of people with teenagers who are far from bored so I think you still have plenty of 'entertainment' to look forward to!

[Mad_musician7]

My step daughter is pregnant with her 3rd. There will be 9 years between no. 2 and 3, 14 from 1 to 3! Age gap isn’t much of an issue but she’s already got rid of all things ‘baby’ so it’s a total start from scratch which is costing us all more! Think about that side as well. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[hopefulljoy]

I think that there wouldn't be a void, kids need the same if not more support as they get older it's just a different kind. That being said if you do have another the age gap is fine but can cause issues we struggled to have our second and have a 7 year age gap the 7 year old is great with the baby but 6 months in and he is struggling with the attention the baby needs and it is had trying to entertain them both, today we are leaving baby to go do something with the older one so although we don't regret it it is difficult and can cause some problems it's also really hard to have a baby again even a very much wanted one.

[Dad101]

My sons 5 and a half years older than my daughter and there is a 6 - 8 year gap between myself and my sisters and it doesn't make a massive difference. With the boys being older it means you'll have more time with your new addition, and they may prove very useful. Just make sure to connect with them daily so they don't feel secondary!

[Nanaki]

Hello,

Well first of all, I don't want to be mean but are you sure that's a good reason for having another baby? Are you happy with the idea of a little one having already to teenagers-ish?

First think I though when I read the title of the message was "why he doesn't buy a new PS4? Will be cheaper and less streasful"

I think you two need to sit down and have a talk about it. If your hubby is bored, why he doesn't try a new hobby or do more activities with your two boys? I think they're in a great age for that! Or even travelling all together, maybe more nigths out with you and friends? (I'm a Stockholm Syndrome mum of a 11months boy haha! cannot wait for a dinner out with hubby!)

Hope you can find the best anwer for your two.

Loads of luck and Happy new year! xx

[Amanda86]

There wouldn’t be a void. My nephew is 10 his brother is 1 and they love each other to bits.

However, this really isn’t the way to chose to have another child. Your both very lucky to be able to just decide to have more children (a lot of us don’t have that luxury) but please do it for the right reasons and not because you need something to fill up any spare time you might now have x

[sweetilemon]

I think only you can answer the question of whether you feel another baby is right for your family. Your husband obviously enjoys his role as a father and is struggling when he feels needed as the boys become more independent? If it's your own new born baby then it's really up to you, I wouldn't worry about the age gap.

Have you thought about fostering as a family? Maybe your husband would suit being a main carer? It's a very demanding job and would require a lot of his time, you would also need to consider the impact on your boys. Not something to do to 'fill a void' but if it's the caring for children and investing in their future and development he enjoys then that might be a positive option.

[yelskwah85 in reply to sweetilemon]

You hit the nail on the head... he's struggling as the boys become older and more independent...

My hubby works long hours running is own firm. I recently got redundant

It would be me as the main carer. The idea is lovely etc but I guess my main worry is age gap and effect on my boys

[sweetilemon in reply to yelskwah85]

There wouldn't necessarily be an age gap if you fostered as many are older children but it is a big consideration for your boys.

I assumed he was maybe a stay at home dad, this is a big ask of you to carry and bring up another baby if he is working a lot. I suppose it's only you that can decide.

[Hidden]

I think you need to sit down and have a real discussion together about this with honesty on both sides. Both of you need to really want another child if you do decide to go ahead. Your life is fairly easy at this time and that will obviously change.

The timing is completely unimportant, we had 3 close together and then a fourth when the youngest at that time was 12, our others were 14 and 16.

They all loved having a baby around the place, in fact the two eldest boys found it a good way to chat to girls as having a baby sister at their age was a magnet for them lol, they both loved taking her out in the pram! Our youngest son ended up marrying one and they now have 3 children of their own!

I have to say we both felt our youngest was a real god send, having to start again was expensive and was tiring but as the older 3 were pretty self reliant by then we had more time to fuss over and enjoy her.

Good luck with your decision xx

[Sisi14]

Hi Hunni, I have an age gap between my youngest and middle of 10 years and they are 3, 13,15 years old all girls! It wasn’t a problem for us as we wanted a baby for us all my eldest children kept asking for another one and we as a couple wanted one too. Now we’re in a position where we all want another little one , i miscarried my twins in August so now we’re just taking each month as it comes and if it’s our time we will . But now it will also be nice to have another to grow with our 3 year old . So it’s a discussion you all need as a family to have as a baby will affect you all and as a parent sometimes it’s hard because you feel your children get more independent each day and don’t always need you but the bored bit is a bit crazy as there’s so much you can all do as a family now. I hope your ok and best of luck xxx

[yelskwah85 in reply to Sisi14]

That's the position I feel. If we had another I'd want another one to keep company. So I think my real decision is probably two or four...

Xx

[Sisi14 in reply to yelskwah85]

Well yes there is that too I suppose. I am 35 just turned last week, so I’m in a position now to say it’s now or probably never. No matter the age gap you will all love the new baby it’s just about if you want a little one as much as your partner, there’s always pros and cons but the love is unconditional. My 3 year old plays with my niece she’s 8 and they get on great as she’s the youngest too but the gap closes as they get older. I hope you manage to come to a decision! No matter what we’re all blessed with what we have already too. Xx

[HarleenQ]

I think your boys will be fine with the gap. I’m 13 Years void my eldest brother and 8 Years void my sister. So it’s not all bad. But ultimately it’s your choice. Good luck

[Faith23]

Are you sure the reason to have another baby is the right one ? Hmmm

Upto you both

I have a 7 year gap between my eldest and my youngest who’s 7 months old ... they’re birthday is one week apart...

this age gap is brill I couldn’t of asked for a better gap! My son is so mature Emotionally and helpful and really appreciates my youngest ! I love it all

They get on so well it is hard work giving equal time to both without lacking but that’s just a sacrifice u make to make sure both my baby’s are happy

I wouldn’t change it but it’s emotionally draining so he prepared x

[hough]

Key issue is do you BOTH want a babba & could ur hubby not find another way to occupy spare time? Perhaps he feels u will be early 40s with 2 grown up children & this stretches before him as he is hoping for early retirement (being a business owner)?? Recommend hobbies, advanced study as an alternative (i don't say this lightly, I worked as a careers adviser between 2002 & 2014 with young people & adults in 6 schools & 3 FE colleges - perhaps he just wants / needs a new challenge??)

Age gap not a prob I have one sister 12.5 months younger than me & one sister 10.5 years younger; we managed. My mum struggled most (teenagers & tiny one at same time). Now we're 41, 40 & 30, but all married, been to uni (just diff times) & have our own young children (5 between us 3 & under - 2 are twins). My dad was / is career high flyer: commercial property surveyor & partner in own firm (there were 9 partners total, so big firm) - now retired. He has also been (in spare time): manager of a 5-a-side football team, director of a well-known south west football club (he bought shares) & chairman of Juvenille Diabetes Research Foundation. Since retiring prob 8 years ago or so, he did a stint as a volunteer with the Samaritans & their local food bank (with my mum) to give back. Now 66, he's looking for his next "project" & attends church every sunday. My mum is different, "only" 2 O levels, mostly stay-at-home mum; but more sociable & got my dad into JDRF work & food bank. Has also volunteered with Marie Curie doing fund raising events (coffee mornings, etc.) with her sister. Now also 66, doesn't feel need to do much more than be a great Grandma (and became a great, great - yep, great, great - Aunt in July).

So your hubby may benefit from some hobby ideas or community spirited opportunities / sideline in teaching or business mentoring/coaching.

[hough]

My mum brighter than my dad actually. Reads alot. They also travel alot & visit all sorts of European cities, etc. on cruises & holidays. America too.