Man problems since baby

[LottyB]

Hey ladies, haven't been on here for ages, but you've always helped me before so here goes.

Again, me and the fella are struggling. We seem to have resolved a lot of our previous issues but with us both being at work (though I'm only back part time so I can spend time with my gorgeous Niamh) we never seem to spend time together. Niamh will go to bed between 6.30-7, And then we have tea and wash up and do housework. After all that we sit on our phones and catch up with Facebook or suchlike. We dont talk any more. And when we have nights off, when Niamh goes to stay with the grandparents we end up having a meal out then going to bed as we are so tired.

Niamh is 18 months now and so adorable, I am so amazed that I made that little person. Though i can count on 1 hand (I'm not even exagerating) the amount of times we have had sex since I got pregnant. When I was pregnant I didn't feel like it with having felt sick for the majority of the pregnancy and then got really sore and achy towards the end, then it took us 6 months after Niamh was born to even try sex, and for the last year I have had to intiate it every time, only to be rejected because he doesn't feel like it 99% of the time. It's been 7 months since we last had sex or even passionately kissed.

Is this normal? I've always had a high sex drive so for it to just go completely is really hard for me. Is it unrealistic of me to expect it even once a month by now?

Thanks ladies. Hope you and your gorgeous babies are all ok. Xxx

[VRT102]

Hi 😊 I've not been on for ages either but it's nice to hear from you again, and lovely to hear Niamh is doing well!

To be honest, myself and my husband went through a stage of this and it was really tough to get out of. The thing that snapped us out of it really was the wedding! He works as a Bar Manager so works ridiculous hours, and when he is home he's constantly on his phone (not saying I'm not guilty!). He doesn't really do any housework either which frustrates me.

But it got to a point where it had to stop, but talking to him about it only got me so far. I had to lead by example and put my phone away, then when I challenged him he couldn't accuse me of the same.

As far as the sex life/drive problem, I was the same too. But honestly, the problem was that our bond wasn't as strong. When we got married, we reconnected because we spent so much time together, talked to each other and laughed so much. It sounds silly, but I really looked at him for the first time in a long while! Spending that 'quality time' with each other really worked and we're back to normal.

I totally understand you have busy lives, but maybe dedicate at least 1 night every week (when Niamh has gone to bed) to your relationship. Don't do any chores, just have a lovely meal together and talk? Would you/he be up for trying? Think it's worth a go.

[LottyB in reply to VRT102]

Hi! Thank you! I'm totally up for trying but like you said talking isn't working and I don't have the confidence to be 'rejected' any more. I'm going to try and make him come for a walk today and enjoy life as a family.

Thanks again I'll try what you suggest. Hope you are all well. Xx

[VRT102 in reply to LottyB]

I totally understand that, it's a real blow when you don't feel wanted anymore...

That sounds like a great idea! Keep us posted.

(We're great thanks Isla's 2 now, can't believe it!) Xx

[LottyB in reply to VRT102]

Just had a good long chat, so hopefully we can move forward with it now. Xxx

[VRT102 in reply to LottyB]

That's brilliant I'm sure things will be so much better for you now. Really happy for you xxx