I had my baby 7 weeks ago and everything seemed fine but 3 days ago. I started to find myself not wanting to look at my babys private parts-

[mumma3]

-I started to find myself feeling uncomfortable when I was changing my baby girl, not wanting to look at her private parts. The thought came completely out of the blue and now they have magnified to the point that I think I am going mad. I can't believe that I would have bad thoughts like this - I feel disgusted at myself. Can anybody help me please?

[juppster PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

Hi there. Let me firstly tell you that these thoughts are much more common than you think and you are in no way going mad. Have you had any other symptoms of post natal illness or is it just the thoughts? Unfortunately when we are suffering from this cruel illness the brain can do some very strange things, it isn't you making yourself think these thoughts, its the nature of the illness x

[mumma3 in reply to juppster]

Thankyou for your reply ,juppster. Have you heard of ths before? I have made an appt to see my G.P. this afternoon and my health visitor can see me on Thursday. Any advice from you till then would be so gratefully received as I just can't seem to be able to tell anyone about this in case they think I,m not going to be look after my baby properly. Thankyou for you message of support - it really did help me, xx

[mumma3 in reply to juppster]

Thankyou for your reply, juppster. I t really did help me. I am due to see my G.P. this evening and my health visistor on Thursday. I just hope I can get through ok until then. thankyou again, and any further advice would be gratefully received- I just don't want them to think I am not well enough to care for my baby, all my love, mumma3 xx

[juppster PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

I just wrote a long reply and lost it, sorry honey! I am out to go and watch my sons nativity play but promise I will reply to you when I get back. . .my one bit of advice would be try to be as honest with your gp as possible, remember they are there to help you, not judge you. Good luck x x

[mumma3 in reply to juppster]

Thankyou so much for your reply - have a lovely time at the nativity play, it's impossible not to . isn't it?! Look forward to hearing from you, juppster, love Mumma3 x

[wanagetoverthis Administrator TRUSTEE PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

Hi Mumma3

If you follow this link, you will find (on our main forum) a whole thread on this symptom.

pniorguk.proboards.com/inde...

It was also the major symptom for me (See my initial posts on Page 8 as username 'Scared'. I then became wanagetoverthis a bit later, once I felt comfortable enough to register and not just post as a guest).

With CBT therapy and medication I am on the mend so please don't despair.

I am attending a live Web TV Chat on Thursday at 1pm and I plan to be very open and honest about this symptom (which I'm scared to do but I feel I have to so women know). It'll be streamed here - studiotalk.tv/show/postnata... - if you want to watch.

Keep talking to us, we understand how you're feeling and can support you through this.

Love Nat xxx

[juppster PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

Right, lets try again!! Firstly I can pretty much promise you nobody is going to think you cannot look after your baby girl. The fact that you are reaching out for help will tell the gp and your hv how much you love your daughter and want to get better. As nat says, they may suggest a course of cognitive behavioural therapy which works specifically on changing your thoughts, it can be a hugely powerful tool and I personally benefitted from it massively.

Remember, it is the illness making you think these thoughts, not you and once you have received the right help and support they will slowly start to fade and you will be able to enjoy your daughter as you should be able to.

Good luck with your gp and if you feel you want to then please let us know how you get on. The online forum we have will also show you you are certainly not alone and the ladies and support network there are fab. Www.pni.org.uk, you are most welcome to take a look round the site and join us there also if you should wish to do so.

Big hugs honey, it will get better have faith in that, but in the meantime please be gentle on yourself x x

[Mummy91]

I am lying in bed crying after reading this, as I thought I was the only one and I was going mentally ill. I was diagnosed with post natal depression when my baby was 3 months but my GP didn't do any thing till my son was about 18 months old and I was seriously ill. I have been on the mend over this last year and have been so happy, however I have had this symptom in the last month or so and it's completely controlling me. I feel like I'm sick in the head and I feel so alone. I'm not eating or sleeping and I'm getting worse. Now I have found this website I feel like this is the start of me being able to get the support to get better again. I feel like I can't talk to my partner as it is such horrible thoughts I am getting, and I'm worried what the doctor will say. Your definitely not alone mumma3. It does get better as I have been on the mend, just going backwards at the minute. Xxxx

[mumma3 in reply to Mummy91]

Dear Mummy91, Thankyou for your message - I'm so sorry you had to wait 15 months before your GP decided to take action, but it's great that you have been getting better over the last year. I know what you mean when you say you haven't been able to tell your partner-it;s such a difficult thing to describe if you haven't experienced the thoughts yourself. I hope that, like me, now we have found this wonderful forum and can see that we are not the only ones suffering these horrible thoughts and can share them with others, we will both start to get better again, with love, mumma3

[Tralala]

Hi, I've just posted to another similar question. I can recommend a book called "Dropping the baby and other scary thoughts" which specifically has a section on what you describe as well as lots of other types of disturbing thoughts such as fear of knives.You can get it on Amazon ( available on kindle/iBooks too) and you can read the sample chapter and index too. Its amazing that this type of information is not included in the Bounty packs or from the midwife/HV! Take care Txx

[mumma3 in reply to Tralala]

Dear Tralala, thankyou for your message of help. The book you talk about sounds like it could be really helpful and I am going to read the sample chapter as you suggest, Thankyou again, Tralala, with love from mumma3

[wanagetoverthis Administrator TRUSTEE PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

I know Tralala, this is something we are trying to get into the hospital packs, given out with the pregnancy books and pushing for it to be openly discussed in the GP / midwife appointments. It's a very difficult and a process unfortunately but we are definitely seeing a shift in midwives / HV's wanting the information to give out to new Mum's so hopefully things are looking up for the future x

My personal belief, is that they don't discuss it in the hope we won't get it. It's ridiculous as we have no choice in getting PNI but, I think, they will think they are putting ideas in our head or adding to the stress.

If women knew this was a common illness that could happen and it wasn't so hush hush, I believe women would be much more likely to get help - and faster.

Love Nat xxx