Hi everyone. My Daughter will be 40 in early April and is having a gathering for 20 family and friends in a very busy Restaurant in the City Centre.
I am nervous about going because of this flipping virus. I am 71 and have Pmr and quite a few other health issues, including a twisted spine, which is liable to fracture with too much coughing. I have had four fractures already.
I really don't want to go but feel such a kill joy if I don't.
To talk about it would be helpful. Thank you friends.
Jenny x
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Attic
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It is getting hard deciding these things. We are in a high risk group so you have to put yourself first right now. I am going to my grandson’s baptism this weekend but it is a private ceremony between services. I will not be going to the service. My daughter was going to a wedding shower this weekend in another state and she canceled because it would involve stopping at public bathrooms and staying in a hotel.
Hi Attic, not convinced it will be any help but you if you really don’t want to go then you shouldn’t. I’m sure if you speak to your daughter she wouldn’t want you to do anything that caused you worry. Could you perhaps arrange to do something with her alone either now or later when things are more settled? I’m only thinking of perhaps a girly night or day at hers or yours-getting some goodies in to eat and drink and some dvds of both your favourite films from way back. Not as exciting as the city centre meal maybe but lets her know you want to spend some special time with just her?
My daughter is getting married in August (hopefully) and I didn’t want to go to her hen weekend-not that it’s going to be raucous-but have promised that her and I will have a sleep over with nail painting, watching Friends on telly and “mean girls” on dvd. Intend to make our favourite meal etc. Sounds a bit lame now I’ve written it down but hopefully be fun just the two of us. Me and my girl 🥰
Make them promise to FaceTime you or WhatsApp photos from her birthday restaurant meal. She will be happy that you’re not stressed by having to be there in person.
Whatever you decide l hope she has an excellent 40th. Every good wish x
You daughter may be being very optimistic about her plans , things are changing quite quickly in terms of opening and availability of restaurants and public spaces.
If I was your daughter I think I would be rethinking my party plans and possibly doing it in a different place.
If it was going ahead as planned and I was invited I personally wouldn't take the chance as I have various health issues myself , not just GCA/ PMR . I wouldn't be doing just because of a virus threat but also because I know I'm not physically up to a big gathering or party right now with my current symptoms. I know I would be in a lot of Pain and Discomfort during a party and would probably be quite Stressed by it before and pay for it in Pain and Fatigue for days after.
You sound like there are many reasons that a gathering of this sort is not something you could feel happy to attend right now either . Let's say , perhaps Covid 19 has given you the perfect excuse to use to cancel early without having to sound or feel like a kill joy for doing it.
Cancel as soon as you can if that's what you want to do as you don't want the fact that you are likely to cancel it to play on your mind for weeks , cause you stress and make your current health issues feel worse . You need all your strength in case you get an infection or new symptoms , even if you never get Covid 19 , avoiding Stress with Chronic Illness helps to keep us stronger.
In reality , I'm sure many healthy people will be feeling the same concerns as you . They may prefer not going to a public party but will feel awkward about cancelling themselves.
Celebrating the big 4-0 is important , it would be one of the most important things in normal circumstances for your daughter's friends and family , but these aren't normal circumstances. If the restaurant doesn't have to cancel , some of the people she wants to invite may want to or have to .
If I was your daughter , I think I might just do something with my closest circle right now and choose to put money aside to have a big weekend away or party with friends later in the year when all of this has blown over and she can really enjoy it.
Whatever you want to do , be decisive as soon as you can so that it doesn't cause you to become run down by worrying about it.
You are being sensible. I would be truthful and say that as you are in the high risk category you have to take great care to avoid populated areas. Obviously you are upset about it and will have a special celebration with her when this is all over. To be honest we may all be in quarantine by then. Be wise, be careful, and don’t feel guilty!!! 😀
Well Ladies thank you for your replies. As luck would have it my Daughter just called in on her way from work and without me saying a word said " do you know Mom I don't think you should risk coming to the Restaurant, it will probably be cancelled anyway. We will do something later"
So pleased I didn't have to let her down, what a relief.
As I keep saying - I am biased, I live in Italy and I am experiencing the result of NOT introducing social distancing at an early stage. Had the government introduced it just 2 days earlier it would almost certainly have reduced the numbers of sick considerably - they admit that and regret it. This morning my GP told me her family is at home, do not go out and no-one visits them. She goes to the surgery, triages patients by phone and they wait outside, going in to the practice one at a time. She says SHE is scared.
Nothing would induce me to go - simply because it is the idiots who ignore symptoms and still go out who put us all at risk. On the LupusUK forum someone has just heard that the pharmacist at her usual pharmacy went to work with all the typical symptoms that are to trigger self-isolation and breathed all over his colleagues and the patients - who you imagine are mainly ill already. Now he is home self-isolating - horse, bolted, stable door comes to mind.
But it may be that events overtake you - no cafes or restaurants are open here now.
I had Dr appt 18th. I have cancelled as it was to discuss medication and get prescription as not on repeat yet. I will ring the chemist tomorrow and have it delivered... I will empty the boxes and paper bag outside. Yuk and how stupid... I know people think they are irreplaceable at work sometimes. You are not! Sheer ignoramus.
It's the sad lesson of Italy which is the prime mover I think in practically everything being shut down with only three "presumptive" cases here. (We still await confirmation from the only lab in the country which can do this, fortunately we now have a quicker test which can give a definite negative, and the others are what are called "presumptive"). It's going to be tough, but as a recent post pointed out, we are only being called to basically do nothing.
Hi Attic, Just think of the misery and guilt it would cause if any harm should come to you. You have a compromised immune system and you are in the at risk age group ( just). For your and your daughter’s sake I’d give this a miss. Perhaps just the two of you could do something sweet and meaningful at your house instead? I hope your decision, if you decline, is met with kindness and understanding.
Someone asked about driving to Europe rather than flying for their holiday - good luck to them: all hotels, restaurants and cafes are closed here, as well as holiday appartments!!! And I don't see it changing for some time to be honest.
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