I developed my PMR about three months after my best Friend died. The last few months of his life I was involved in looking after him when his wife needed a break for a couple of hours or needed to do chores. My PMR now , two years and two months later, is heaps and heaps better, most of the tiredness is gone, I am feeling more energetic more who I used to be, before the PMR took me over!!
Have others had a similar experience with the death of a loved one ( maybe) triggering off PMR or is it “ coincidence” what are your experiences?? Thank you .
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Kaaswinkel72
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I remember my grief for my mum hurting my skin, like low level flu. I had cared for her with dementia for 7 years. These symptoms did develop into PMR following further family stress. I have no doubt that this was the main trigger. I am sorry for your loss, it is a gift to be able to care for a loved one right until the end and it takes its toll.
Thank you very much. Very important for me to understand. Because by getting pmr I also could not work anymore. That was actually good, I was made to do something else on voluntary basis.
My PMR developed two weeks after our developmentally challenged daughter whom I have every weekend was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. The very thought of what she has ahead of her is heartbreaking . I had also had a shingles shot.Accept the things you cannot change and make the best of them.
I lost my best friend and neighbour in February...even though we talked about her dying, she worried about how it would affect me!... Actually looking h back, I have been on the downhill since (7 years PMR)
Today (Monday's PM)...I would have gone over to her....but she was positive person....so onwards a nd upwards as she would say........
My husband and I talked about one of us dying before the other one. He said ‘whoever is left must live their life as fully as they can. Otherwise, what has our love meant? ‘ In the event he was the one who died first, and I found what he said made sense. My continuing to find life good without him was a tribute to all that we had shared over the years.
My Mum died unexpectedly while I was having a cup of tea with her, I think the stress caused a virus infection and within 6 months I had GCA, I think it was just lurking around waiting for a trigger.
I'm sure the distressing death of my mother triggered my PMR. It wasn't diagnosed until 3 years later, but the symptoms started very soon after her death.
I'm equally sure that stress and anxiety affect my PMR now, as it does for others as this morning's posts have shown.
Thank goodness for this lkvely group of supportive friends who understand when those around us don't.
I'm certain that any stress gives the immune system a jolt and PMR rages, we are 7 months from losing a loved one, I'm beginning to come to terms with what's happened, but also I stopped Methotrexate 3 weeks ago and began taking Holland and Barrett CBD oil , my depression has lifted and sleep improved.
I'll stay at 7 mg for a little while longer then try the very slow reduction to 6 mg, again!
My husband was sick and near death several times in a three year period. I was going up and down hallways of hospitals, all sorts of physical things despite fibromyalgia. Somehow made it through, saw him off, my darling, and then: got PMR and still achy after10 years. I'm glad you are going along a little more positively. I have had bad historical things happen to me, too, like child trauma, so I think that adds to all my ills lasting so long. I have a major depression, too.
I have liked your message but I hope you know it's a like of support. Life can be very tough sometimes but you are doing a great job of surviving despite what it throws at you. 💜
I have had PMR for 18 years, GCA for about 9 years. I have had a family issue for decades. It was not brought home to me how deep it was until 10 years ago. I am estranged from my adult daughter because I broke with her 10 years ago. I was already ill, had cared for my mother with terminal cancer, and was helping my husband care for his mom and dad, and one aunt.
I loved my mother in law and the aunt, but my father in law was the dad I never had. His passing was unexpected and tore my guts out. I miss him so. My in laws were the first time in my life I had normal loving family. Their loss was hard.
I learned my daughter had a personality disorder, and had been hating me for years, although I pretty much groveled to try to get her to love me. She took my toxic ex's side. She would get angry at the drop of a hat and take grand kids away as punishment. Actually the only time we saw them was when we babysat so they could go out and get drunk on weekends.
Finally an event happened that was my Crossing the Rubicon moment and I broke with her. Years and years of emotional abuse, along with caring for my mother with cancer. I spiraled down to a dark place of grief only a mother can know. The betrayal I suffered ran deep. More so because this child had been everything. She was my only and my world. Unfortunately she inherited her father's (my ex) mental illnesses, with a real mean streak. Borderline personality disorder.
Love, the loss of love, the absence of what should be, destroys us. I don't believe there is a stronger force in the world. It was the love of my husband that saved me, just like I know it was the betrayal and hate from other family members that caused this illness in the first place. Love trumps hate. And when we lose love it leaves a hole nothing ever fills. We go on, the hole scabs over, but it is still there.
Just as a lack of love almost destroyed me, eventually it was love that saved me. That, and 7 years of counseling.
After caring for my mother with cancer I developed cancer, and had a total hysterectomy. I believe that was when the PMR/GCA went nuts, after I had cancer. My daughter came to visit me once after the surgery. She waxed on constantly about her new purse and shoes, blew into the room blew out and left. Whatever I endured it was my husband who was by my side.
So, I eventually said goodbye. Good thing because my husband said the marriage would not have survived. He was sick and worn down from watching me be abused. She wore him down.
So sorry for this long diatribe, but I firmly, firmly believe that grief can cause this disease, and I know it greatly exacerbates it. So, my prescription is to find joy, whatever brings you joy. If you are mentally unwell, and broken by suffering, find help. Find healing.
The body and the mind heal together. I have been through this.
This is a bit off topic, but I found a web-site that helped me survive the trauma of having borderline personality disordered child. Especially the following essay.
I am not the only person that read your story holding my breath the whole way.....life dished out a lot of super ugly crap and I look with amazement how you were able to pick yourself up and move on, every time, having a great sharp brain, being able to analyse alllll is your enormous advantage.
It is a great lesson for all of us to read your “ resume” and your determination to regain insight and partly resolve matters..”..my prescription is to find joy, whatever brings you joy “ is a great insight shared with all of us. Thank you again. I will never doubt the mind body connection again, and I doubt anybody else fortunate enough to read your resume will doubt this either. With gratitude, and much love, truckloads full of if.😉🌞😊👍💓
I can relate to this...my step sister had all the problems your daughter has...my poor mum couldn`t cope with her....she died 5 years ago (my stepsister) but before that her poor daughter suffered terribly at her hands, I always told her, when my sister dies her life will change, harsh though that sounds...and it has enormously, she could never shake off my sister`s abuse while alive, and she lives alone anyway....so I tell her at 55, live your life now!....you never know what is round the corner!...I just wish I was stronger and healthier to do more for her....
We have to support each other, glad you have your husband........
I do think things that happen to us...do something to our bodies in the way of illness....
I wrote to one of the life coaches at Flying Monkeys. I asked why I never had a voice in all of the mean and hate filled stuff. when I had a voice it was always a disaster (I only lately learned what gaslighting is.) His reply is hanging in my sewing room as a daily reminder"
"Never give subjective value to the opinion of a person who lies or manipulates you. Validation comes internally, not from the people who broke you. "
and they did break me, this disease and the grieving process go hand in hand. hate, ill feelings, travel across the landscape. They move in a wave, that undulates to your very soul. The only way to fend off the damage is to say goodbye to the negative relationships that make us vulnerable to hate.
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