When to give up?

[Raven321]

Hey guys, I haven't posted for a while as I've had so much going on. I really am feeling extremely upset and need some advice from you guys. Your collected wisdom has helped a lot in the past. So my friend who has PA and coleac is in a bad way. All I want to do is help and she treats me like utter crap if I'm honest. I keep putting it down to her illnesses as u know they can make you depressed and I don't want to give up just like everyone else probably has :(. if you read my posts from before you will know the situation with her. I haven't seen her for ages and all she says is she is ill. The sad truth is I understand it and accept it. She is cold, bitter and insensitive. How the hell do you convince someone 'it's ok'! No matter how cruel she can be to me I would still move mountains to make her smile. But seems I can't convince her or maybe I'm being a fool and to blind to see. After the whole switz conversation I had decided I would be there no matter what! and that's all I'm trying to do really. But if someone pushes you away, doesn't respond to any contact what can you do? It's killing me to think she's alone n suffering as she means the world to me. But I have to respect her decision even if I feel they are wrong. It's hard watching someone drown when all you want to do is say 'stand up and look'! I'm sorry it sounds mental but I'm just confused and upset really. Shall I just walk away as it's her decision to push me away and treat me like crap. I feel like I have no value or respect in her eyes. Or is this her depression and bitterness because of illness? Is it a cry for help and if so what shall I do? I just dont know what to do please advice

[Gambit62 Administrator]

Really find this very difficult - as I did last time you posted.

its difficult to comment on your friend but I'm guessing from what I remember in your last post that they are a lot better. Having someone 'fussing' around you a lot can be very disturbing and leave you pushing away. Also she may not feel that you are a person who can really help and you should be living your own life.

All I can suggest is giving some space - not clear if you have done that - leave it a while before you call in or get in touch - they have your details if they want to contact you and you have said that you are there if they need you. That really is all you can do. Leave it a week or two at the least. Its not giving up, its giving them space. If you are calling round then I'd suggest starting off with 'just called to say hello but can't stay long' - may sound counter-intuitive but you are taking away an expectation that they need yoru time.

[Raven321 in reply to Gambit62]

Thank you gambit for your reply.. I actually have a very full on life but make time for people that matter to me that's all. There is a conference in Dec in Birmingham but the tickets are so expensive have you ever been to one? I was thinking of going down might be good to meet people with the same issues. I don't know I think it may help my understanding?

[Raven321 in reply to Raven321]

thanks again gambit

[Silverlady5]

Hi Raven you sound so caring and you would be a very good friend to have I'm not sure how I would feel if I was constantly rejected but can only agree with what's already been said and maybe back off for a while. A text message just to let her know you are there occasionally might help and feel like she's not totally alone.

Hope she will be ok she is lucky to have you. 😀😀

[Raven321]

Thank you silver lady, it's not an easy place to be but I'm sure it's much worse for her x