Speaking Aloud

[jupiterjane]

There is so much

to be said,

to be spoken aloud,

to be voiced

without shame

to scream

so damn loud

I need to be heard

without feeling

blame,

without making

excuses

because I feel pain

My God!

Why,

Why do I keep

breathing,

what is the

cruel joke,

there's no

life

left,

no reason

to continue

with what is

sure to be,

unbearable

pain and

an untimely

death

let me go,

let me go,

who ever's

got the power

just let me go

do you know

what you're

asking

when you beg me

to fight

when you

turn love

my love,

our love,

my familes love

my friends love

into roadblocks

covering any

dignified way

to end this

life of pain

do you have

any idea

what pain

does to

your soul,

how it

hardens

your heart,

and steals away

your light

pain has

ravished my body

so little left

of me inside

and I am

so tired,

so fucking tired

of holding

silent

my agonizing

screams.

jupiterjane

[jobby]

Wow, i can relate to all your words so aptly put. One day at a time ,thats my way.

[shasha]

PLEASE PLEASE DONT GIVE UP JUPITER JANE - I FOR ONE DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOUR INSPIRATION

[tlongmire]

I have a lot of empathy for you. I to have days when I can barely tolerate the pain and have had the same thoughts. But we must fight on for as long as we can.

Love and hugs, Terri

[MGirardi]

I know that rage. I am a stranger with PD. Know that you are not alone. Look at what

brings you joy. And save it. Never let it go. Hold on tight. You have comrades that want to lift you up, higher and higher, to take away your pain. You are not alone. You are loved.

I will take your words to heart.

[Hidden in reply to MGirardi]

Love your words.

[Hidden]

I admire your gift of poetry and of expression. However I am also always deeply saddened to read such pain and anguish. For me illness = opportunity, I have to think like that, I need to think like that, and that is the world, the new one I have created. I do so many wonderful things now that I didn't make time for, I have so many new hobbies and projects and I love them all. Switching a bad thing into a good one takes effort, energy, desire and motivation. You clearly have all those. I look forward to the day when your glorious writing is about happiness, fulfillment and smiles. I hope it comes soon. Kindest, ever C x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Lovely words that give co,fort. Thank you from all of us.

[Hidden]

I hope you can gain some support from us other people with PD? You are not alone. Are you near a group that you can meet with. I started with one Parkie friend and that opened the door. Sending you a hug from British Columbia.

[jupiterjane in reply to Hidden]

Thanks! I never forget there are people out there like me who I can help and who can help me. I appreciate any and all the love and support I can get. It just that sometimes it it gets "too much" and I just want to scream: "I am not brave"!, "It is not okay"!, "I am sick and tired and I don't want to pretend I am not scared so that you can feel better about my illness"! but I don't think anyone would listen.