OK, I guess I'm ready

[Barb070]

Wow, it seems like things sort of escalated in the last two months, but I'm seeing how it unfolded and accepting it. I'm a teacher and realized that by February, accomplishing my day was so stressful. I slept through my lunch every day and sometimes at the end of a class. I got up two hours early so I could handle the commute in and still I was terrified. I love children, but my colleagues and superiors have shown me that I'm really not up to par.

They've worked it out for me to qualify for retirement disability and I'm gonna do it.

[Hidden]

Sounds like me 5 years ago. My last semester of teaching was extremely hard! At times I could not remember my student's name (one of my students was my granddaughter). It was very difficult to grade papers, I couldn't concentrate enough.

I didn't have enough quarters in to get disability retirement, so I spent my last year as a teacher's aid. I really enjoyed that year, even though it was difficult.

Giving up teaching was one of the hardest things I had to do.

It was helpful that my husband had already retired and we now have time to do things together.

[grayland in reply to Hidden]

All the best to you. I'm in the same boat. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and thought I'll be fine. I'm not. Don't have the energy and I'm retiring this year. A new journey

[Casey in reply to grayland]

It is a new journey but with retiring you can focus the energy that you have into new avenues...when you can...good luck to you....

[Casey]

It is a big decision and a larger adjustment when realizing that it is time to retire...I know tat I was sort of forced into it and I didn't even have the fight in me to say "Hey wait a minute here". I haven't had alot of support in realizing those signs that you have to stop and think about your next move & what is for the best. My hubby...bless his heart felt if I kept moving I wouldn't slow down & he kept pushing me to move...move...move....We know better now! Please keep us posted how you are doing...good luck to you...casey

[grayland in reply to Casey]

Thanks for writing about this Casey. I did consult with others with parkinson's before I decided. Initially I felt kind of wimpy, like really only after two years. I have come to realize that I've had pd for probably 5-8 years. Whatever I thought, like you, I feel kind of forced into it. I don't really have a choice because pd has been relentless. At the same time, I am at peace and want to remain at peace. Have you filed for disability yet? Good luck to you

[Casey]

I had to stop working back in 1994..on the advise of my therapist...I don't think i would have on my own... I thought I would have to wait until I reached a certain age (I was 45 at the time) and I did receive disability right away...we still joke that we don't know if the disability is for physical or mental (warped family humor). I had worked in an all male office for a large national moving company & whispers had started that I was coming to work drunk (even though they all knew that I don't and never have drank)...it caused a great deal of heartache, but I have gotten beyond that now knowing that I have to stay on top of what is going on with me and to accept what each new day brings...to do the very best that I can My only support system has been my husband but I am hoping to find local group to join and take part in. I am a big believer that in reaching out to one another we can be a great strength for one another!!!

[Barb070 in reply to Casey]

It's encouraging to know that even though I feel like a complete stranger to myself and my colleagues, there are people in the world who are walking where I am walking.

[fishinggirl]

This all sounds so familiar. I decided to retire almost 4 years ago when I felt I couldn't do my teaching job up to my standards. The kids deserved a teacher who could do everything without health concerns. It was hard because I saw myself as a worker all my life and my work was 80% of my life. Still get very bored, not much to do in my area, but it all works out. New people, new hobbies,..

The only thing is some of what I used to dream I would have time to do, now that I have the time, I can't do because of my PD. But there is lots I can do, I just do it much slower than before.

[Hidden]

I also believe that I had PD at least 6 years before being diagnosed. I only taught 2 years after finding out I had PD.

[GrammyC]

This sounds so familiar, Barb. I hated giving up my job as a preschool educator, after over 25 years. I decided that I would leave before my boss had to ask me to leave. I miss all of "my kids" ( all 225 of them) and the staff at my school, but retirement has been a good decision.

[Barb070]

Thank you everyone. This is a rough week. Plenty of tears behind the backs of the tiny ones.