In 2013 I went home and looked after my elderly father until he died whilst it was harrowing I learnt a huge amount about being a carer. I watched as slowly his body stopped him from doing everyday things. Towards the end of his life he was in effect dependent on other people to do everything for him. I am starting to find lots of similarities with regard to loss of movement. Struggling to put my clothes on struggling to get out of the chair difficulty turning in bed and a whole host of everyday dexterity just fading away.
I am analysing my emotions about this trying to reconcile with myself so that I don't slide into the trap of moaning complaining and feeling sorry.
I am fast coming to the conclusion that I need to separate completely the idea that independence is governed by the amount of dependency you have on people and things. It seems a rather crazy notion but I think there is some merit in my thinking. So I may not be able to pull up my trousers on my own or easily but the choice to wear trousers and the colour and style of them is mine. Not be able to pull them up is simply an action I can no longer perform but is that really a slur on my independence. If independence is expressed as the control of the chain of decisions you make and their relative importance or significance in any given action then it becomes easier to see that actually a lot of Independence is retained.
I have been guilty of likening my physical situation as that of returning to a childlike state. This really is not the case as the key and important decisions remain in tact it is simply the movement or lack of that has regressed.
if we think of Independence as being defined by movement I can see how one could feel that independence is lost.
So I am not thinking in that way because I cant and wont value movement over and above freedom of choice, expression, communication, desire.
it's a bit like saying that Nelson Mandela had no freedom when he was a prisoner when freedom can be simply a state of mind.