I have been off line since 2019 ? this has been due to my wife becomming Stoke / Diamentia victim,
we are both 85, years old plus I am her full time carer seven days a week, I have four hour a week down time, when i have paid carers come in so i can get to two small clubs I belong to. This is mainly for conversation, I regret I cannot do all the verious hobbies I use to do, which is due to all the interuption and overly repeated queastions.
When I was last here I was suffering from Fibromyaliga plus Ostroarthritis slill no different today,
so I am sure you all readers will understand my being in touch will on a add hock basis,
Best Wishes to all. Hermes 123.
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Hermes123
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So sad to hear of your wives changing health, I am sure this will have changed your daily life considerably also. Plus the virus restrictions complicating live for all. Goes to show we are not invincible good news to hear you can still get out for a while, much needed break from caring. Do take care and thank you for update. Life goes on so try to take each day as it comes and enjoy best you can.
My father is going through the exact same situation as caretaker. My mom is in end stage parkinsons. I can't remember the last time he did something for himself. Finally this year, they hired a cleaning lady. They are still in their home that is way too large and not one floor. I am so sorry for the struggle. You always want to be there for your partner but it can take a lot of energy and can also leave you lacking in self care. I am glad you have a few outlets via clubs. I know the dementia can be difficult too. It is common in end stage parkinsons to have dementia as well and my conversations with my Mom sometimes make no sense or she will think I'm her cousin. Sending healing vibes and stay strong. Wishing less pain for all on this site!
Sorry to hear about your wife and definitely understand my father in law passed away last month with dementia and my mother in law was his full time care giver.
I would like to say that I have a true admiration for you your strength and how you are suffering and witnessing such a terrible decline in your lovely wife
To have spent a whole life time together and still are selflessly caring
To have such a blessing I can only imagine
Thank you for humbling me
Though your wife may not be able to express her true self I know that her heart and soul are filled with an abundant love for you
What are your tips to complement life to daily living?
There are some really good resources out there for caregivers now. Ones that will allow you some time for yourself which is extremely important for your health. At least in the US and regardless of how f you have the assets to pay for them or need the agency/charity to absorb the cost…at least in the US. I know because my wife is my caregiver and she works full time too. I’m totally disabled now but can still get to the bathroom okay in my chair. She works 8-4 so it’s 2 meals a day because I can’t cook or fix a sandwich anymore. It’s really hard for me and while I have some diminished cognitive abilities certainly nothing serious and may just be “old timers.”
I understand what you are going through as my dad at age 83 made the excruciating but necessary decision to put mom in a nursing home her last 12 months as she deteriorated from Alzheimer’s and a brain tumor. He was still teaching and coaching at that time but quit the job he had loved and done from 1949-2007 (48 years as a high school teacher, coach, superintendent and 10 years as a college teacher, coach and athletics director) to be with mom from 8:00AM till 8:00PM. They had been married 58 years too and he loved her more than anything, hated the decision he made and had a strong obligation to do his very best to be whatever she needed even when she didn’t know him and could no longer speak. I never saw my dad cry as his son. He wasn’t a tough guy but a tremendously good man and mentored so many young men over those years. For example one of his former players started a Facebook page for anyone who he coached. That site still has over 160 men some old like in their late 70s relative Bing winning regionals and advancing to the state championship game with a school that had less than 100 kids total enrollment in 9-12 grade playing Knoxville Central the largest school in the state and taking them to triple overtime before losing…in 1952. They credit dad for their success in life as they are all good men as well. But he cried all through the visitation and funeral because he lost his love and best friend even though he really lost her 12 months earlier but a little piece of her was always enough for him. She died in ‘08 he in ‘11. Wow that’s probably TMI but I miss them both but dad especially because he loved me the same way and I wasn’t their biological child but adopted instead.
Okay my point is he like you was in good health for mid-80s but not after first caring for mom at home for 18 months than what I just described. He should have at least used adult day care or in-home day care to go to coffee, go to the gym where his former players practiced, gone to the community center to swim at least one day every 2 weeks. But neither he nor I knew of the wealth of services for just those type of activities and if you’d like I can easily get you info on the U.S. resources or I’ll search the UK resources if you live in Britain. It would be my honor and pleasure as I’ve seen what it’s like especially at your age and even though I’m younger at 57 have seen it from the caregetter perspective as well. So if that info would be of interest to you I’d love to help. As always my best to you as you walk this journey with your spouse and if you are a believer I wish you God’s peach and comfort in f not that’s okay to and hope you have peace and comfort.
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