Can anyone offer a friendly listening ear?

[TR77]

Hello

Can anyone help relieve my anxiety on a new diagnosis? How do you navigate through this without constant fear?

[TealSong]

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear of your new diagnosis, it's such a stressful time. I found it helped to write down any questions I had, to go through with the consultant or nurse specialist. Be open about your worries, possibly even keep a diary of what's happening and how you're feeling. There are specialist counsellors who can help if you'd be interested in counselling.

This forum is brilliant for communicating with others who understand your anxieties and can offer support based on their own experiences. Sending you lots of love xx

[TR77 in reply to TealSong]

thank you, I think counselling would be very helpful for me x

[Cumbrianlass5]

Anxiety is normal. I know it is much better some days than others but the fear eases with time. Once you start treatment you will begin to trust your cancer team and recognise their skill at combating cancer. And you will be able to talk to the other patients around you who have been battling this wretched disease for years and years but are still enjoying life. When you are first diagnosed you equate cancer with death, but it is not like that. You get treatment and you learn how to live with cancer. It is not easy but it is much better once treatment gets underway. Thinking of you x

[TR77 in reply to Cumbrianlass5]

Thanks so much. Yes the dark thoughts are bad at the moment but trying to focus on things which I can control. Your message has made me feel so much better that this is not necessarily the end of my life but something I can begin to fight x

[Lyndy]

Hello TR77I am sorry you are going through this... I am not going to lie, it takes a lot of getting used to! In the early days I just remember the moment of waking and recalling what was happening as being the worst point in the day. Nearly 6 years later (and I was stage 4 at diagnosis) I have had more good time than bad time. You can do this and once you are started on a plan of treatment you will get into a rhythm. By all means grab as much support as you need but you are stronger than you think xx

[TR77 in reply to Lyndy]

Thank you again such a positive uplifting story. It is the morning when I wake up when I’m worse but I make myself get up and face the day. I think it helps that I’m working from home still. Thank you for replying x

[SophiaMariaA]

Hello TR77. I hope the ladies here have provided some sense of ease as they share their experiences. I have often found comfort in their words and in the open and honest way they share their thoughts. Though I am 3 years past my diagnosis and all the fear and anxiety that can create, I still feel uncertain at times (about recurrence and the future). What helps me get through those moments (and sometimes hours/days) is a quote from a woman, Corrie Ten Boom, who struggled with a different kind of threat but whose words hold true for each of us. If you substitute "fear" for worry, it still works. She says, "“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- thus carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

None of us knows that tomorrow will bring - - a poor diagnosis, difficulty with treatment, recurrence, etc. And not to be living in the negative, it can also hold good news -- a better diagnosis than originally thought, a clear path toward treatment and recovery, medical advances and dare I say, miracles....

Though very difficult to switch one's mindset (especially early on) from worry to hope, I found strength in her words and have learned not to carry tomorrow's burdens today, to not project "the worst case scenario" onto my future and to instead live in the moment - even if only one moment at a time.

We are here to help and support you through this - all of us - so please continue to reach out and keep us informed of how you are doing. Wishing you moments of peace and the best poosible outcome.

[TR77 in reply to SophiaMariaA]

Thank you so much. That is very comforting and those words definitely make me feel this is true of me. I do catastrophise and think about what’s ahead and fear what’s ahead, like you say I should think of today. This has really struck a chord. Thank you and I will let you know how my journey continues xx

[Jenjill47 in reply to SophiaMariaA]

Sophia your words are very comforting to me too. I'm a born worrier. I read your post to my husband and he said that you expressed far better what he has been trying to tell me over the past year of ups and downs. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.❤️❤️

[Wasginger090658]

Hello to you, I think the anxiety is very very normal, and in the beginning of my treatment I did visit the hospitals councillor who was completely fabulous, she helped me to understand just how normal my thoughts were and taught me techniques to help, which four years on I still use, brain training is a powerful tool. But I also found a poem that is my regular go to "mood lifter". You can look it up it is called "The Oak Tree" the words are very powerful and describe how I feel on a daily basis. Good luck to you, with love. X

[TR77 in reply to Wasginger090658]

Thank you, I read this poem, it is very moving and very true. x

[Wasginger090658 in reply to TR77]

So glad that you read it. As I say my "go to" mood lifter. Love and best wishes. Xx

[Riverflo]

Hi, I'm so sorry because I remember the surreal nightmare that you are going through now. A healthy person suddenly facing this shocking word! Shocking new reality.And treatment can be tough, and there will be times when you feel really low

But

Cancer was my wake up call. My body shouting at me that my life was not in balance.

And I really woke up, made some changes, because there is no longer any point in '' putting things off until tomorrow '.

And I started letting people help me, show how much they love me.

And I can honestly say that in some ways my life has improved.

And I wish the same for you. Hang in there. xxx

[TR77 in reply to Riverflo]

Thank you, yes it has made me question how I have managed the stress in my career and my lifestyle choices in terms of diet and exercise. x

[Natsmb]

I have a few strategies for myself. One is when I start getting anxious out of nowhere I backtrack to the moment that got my thinking started in that cycle. Sometimes it's been an appointment that I'm scheduled for and I recognize the anxiety started in when I had to meet another doctor about a new, scary side effect that I'm worried will increase my discomfort. Or I've had a lot of questions about CBC results and what they mean. Or, like recently, acknowledging that for example, the appointment was about increasedfluid buildup in my lungs that I am anxious the doctor won't believe that I am suffering as much as I say I am and I might try to say it's not a big deal or push me off and not deal with it.

Or I'm anxious because the medicine made me feel rotten last time and I would like to avoid as much as that as possible this time etc., then I make a plan to address the underlying concern that got me started like requesting pain medication for ahead of time, or listing what I have to say to the doctor to assert myself. I don't know why this helps but it does.

Another strategy is planning treats. I interrupt the anxiety moment by planning a little treat for myself- sushi for lunch even if it's just for myself, Indian food for dinner. Leaving the house and going to a bookstore and browsing.

I use a lot of humor. Sometimes I just start sharing observations or thoughts in my head with a great deal of sarcasm or goofing around. The other day I was talking to my cousin about how, AS SOON as I was diagnosed with cancer, how many well-meaning people came out of the woodwork to contact me (especially friends/acquaintances I had not had contact with in a while!), To offer advice and suggestions. I got a whole lot of forwarded articles about, The Cure For Cancer Big Pharma and the FDA Doesn't Want You To Know About!!

- always turns out to be this one little unknown vitamin or some super secret cancer remedy that kept Aboriginal peoples cancer free, in some untouched tribe in the middle of nowhere and for only $39.95 you too will have the secret to curing your own cancer.

Or the time I posted this hilarious incident when I ended up with covid and had to go to the hospital. I got to the entrance of the emergency room and of course they make you stand and wait and want to take your temperature blah blah blah but I was seriously ready to use a restroom or else there would be and almighty accident that no one wanted to deal with. So I ignored the very upset nursing staff, shot down the hallway followed by a security guard and ran into the bathroom just in time. When I left the bathroom the security guard was clearly ticked off and in no mood to deal with my shenanigans. In a very stern voice she says, " There's reasons we have protocol for covid and you broke them all and now we're going to have to sanitize this bathroom and....".

"Ma'am," I said, " I think the hospital staff would have a much more difficult time clearing out the waiting room and sanitizing the whole place because I had diarrhea all over the floor!"

Anyway, those are my suggestions. And if you need to have a good cry and take a bunch of eggs out into your backyard and pitch him against the wall in a temper tantrum go ahead and do it.

[TR77 in reply to Natsmb]

Thank you this made me chuckle. I am usually a very sarcastic humorous person and I know I am letting my fear take all of that away at the moment. I still need to be me x

[Ruebacelle]

We each arrive at different mechanisms to help get through this. I research all serious literature and arm myself with as much info as possible then question the docs. Rising to the challenge...how do i deal with this with grace and humor and i focus on sraying in the moment. I had fo get comfortable with escape mechanisms and mental paralysis as i trued to come to rerms with the diagnosis and the path agead. Call on any and all resources...children pets books movies exercise sleep. Dont judge yourself. Great hugs from france

[TR77 in reply to Ruebacelle]

Thank you so much, I am a little afraid of all the details and info at the moment, but I know I have to be braver. x

[Ruebacelle in reply to TR77]

You will grow into this never fear. Once treatment starts you will be much less frightened all the best

[SUE7777]

THE OAK TREE

by Johnny Ray Ryder Jr.

A mighty wind blew night and day

It stole the oak tree’s leaves away

Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark

Until the oak was tired and stark

But still the oak tree held its ground

While other trees fell all around

The weary wind gave up and spoke.

How can you still be standing Oak?

The oak tree said, I know that you

Can break each branch of mine in two

Carry every leaf away

Shake my limbs, and make me sway

But I have roots stretched in the earth

Growing stronger since my birth

You’ll never touch them, for you see

They are the deepest part of me

Until today, I wasn’t sure

Of just how much I could endure

But now I’ve found, with thanks to you

I’m stronger than I ever knew

All the best, Sue xx

[TR77 in reply to SUE7777]

This is lovely and very true

[lesleysage]

I don't think anyone has yet mentioned the free services of Ovacome, the Ovarian Cancer Support charity responsible for this forum. Their Freephone service 0800 008 7054 offersd a listening ear with evidence-based information and their Staying Connected sessions cover a wide range of topic and Dealing with Anxiety is one of them.

Their services, all free unless yopu choose to give a donation, help you to help yourself which, along with tips and warmth from this forum, is something many of us find invaluable.

Warm wishes x

[TR77 in reply to lesleysage]

I think I may call after I have had my consultant appointment on Monday, when I have more facts. Thank you

[SASSY196]

Such good advice from the lovely ladies. I am so sorry about your diagnosis. It's normal to feel a massive range of emotions and I remember the terror which I am sure will come again. I take control of what I can and try to take as much pleasure as I can. So for example I am about to restart chemo and I am preparing my home, getting it superorganised, refreshing my garden so it's a lovely space to be when I'm at home a lot resting. I have lovely long soaks, lots of video contact with my favourite people, a line up of tasty treats before I loose my taste, I've put all my affairs in order so I don't need to think about it, I do online yoga and indulge in to much TV. I research the disease in balanced way ( used to be obsessive) and try to live in the moment. You will find your way xxx

[TR77 in reply to SASSY196]

Yes I am trying to do things I have control over and try to busy my mind. Thank you

[Mptelesca]

Good morning. The initial shock of hearing the diagnosis is probably the hardest part. Once you speak with your dr and team about treatment, you go into survival mode. The fear is always there but it diminishes into just a worry in the back of your mind. You will be too busy getting better. Each day you will get stronger. Joining a group such as this lovely one is your first step to some support and comfort. I had made the mistake of googling my diagnosis and made myself crazy. Then I found this group and found all the knowledge and support I needed. I have accepted that this OC is just a chronic condition I have to just stay ahead of. I know you will do this. Pamper yourself. You can place all the rest to come in the hands of your onc team. Best to you.

Xox

Marisa

[TR77 in reply to Mptelesca]

This is a lovely message and so reassuring, thank you,

[lynn6156]

I have always been a person that can worry on a huge scale - then when I got this diagnosis, oh boy. I realised that I'd have to find a way to deal with it. I'm not even remotely religious, I can't seem to meditate, I did wonder if huge amounts of alcohol might help, then decided that wasn't one of my better plans. In the end I came across a talk by a philospher who explained that all your life experience happens from within you, your thoughts. If a colleague is nasty to you and you feel angry and upset, all that hurt is coming from your own mind. Unless they've have physically attacked you, then it isn't them who have caused the hurt. It's the same with all feelings and emotions - if you're happy or in love or angry or depressed- all of these are your own thoughts. So this means anxiety and stress is also coming from your own thoughts and you have to get these under control. Worrying about what ifs is your mind running off playing it's own games. The hard part is getting control of it. I find distraction works well - find something that stops the hooligan thoughts! You are a wonderful person, you've done everything you can for your health to the best of your ability and you have a team of doctors doing their best for you. Find things that make you happy - whether its exercise/dog walking/ reading/ eating cake /talking with friends/ little treats/ cleaning. Try and develop a routine for the day, plan how the day will start. You'll get up and dressed. .I see you're working from home so plan your hours, your meals, your cleaning...maybe a walk.

If you have treatments or tests plan a treat for after. Routine will help because it's normal and it will focus your mind on tasks you can actually do.

The anxiety will lessen naturally as well - I found there's actually a limit to how much you can worry! It's just too tiring. This group is also great for finding people who know what you're feeling.. there is always someone here who will listen and understand.

[TR77 in reply to lynn6156]

This is such great advice and this is how I am feeling. I am getting tired and I think I have worn myself out without worry. I think I need a plan to work to then maybe I can focus on what I need to do rather than worry about the unknown. Thank you

[Pianoplayer731021]

Hi, my palliative care nurse was a wonderful nurse to listen to any anxiety that I was feeling at my diagnosis. They have a team of psychiatric and medical nurses for different problems. Anytime that you don’t feel strong, they are always there to listen to you. I am a Christian and read passages from the Bible to carry any anxiety that I might have. I find this to be comforting and it keeps my faith strong. I hope that you can stay strong through your journey ahead. I live in the U. S. Sending a hug, Donna

[RainbowC]

I’m 16 months from diagnosis, and although the worry and fear haven’t completely gone away, I’ve learned to live with them. There hasn’t been a day when at some point I’ve not consciously been aware that I have (had?) cancer - but there have been plenty of times of joy, hope, and love. I’ve learned to lean on my husband and friends for support, instead of seeing my role as always one offering support. There’s been so much laughter - some very dark humour, and some truly wonderful happy moments. I know how much I’m loved and valued by my family, friends, colleagues, and that gives me strength.

My faith is also crucial to me, and there are a couple of hymns which were my close companions particularly through the early months.

For now, take it a step at a time. Try not to focus on all the what-ifs, but instead on the next steps. Each appointment in turn, what the first steps in treatment will be, and when. You will get through this. X

[TR77 in reply to RainbowC]

Thank you, I’m trying very hard to have a routine and be as normal as possible whilst knowing in the back of mind nothing about this is normal!!