I’m not a regular poster on here but I read others a lot and the reply’s which has helped me on my journey.
I was diagnosed with OC last year and had TAH with BSO, omentum lymph nodes and apendix also removed. 6 rounds of chemo, three days a week every three weeks with 2 drugs. I’ve had my last chemo and I’m now getting ready to face the real world again but I’m finding it hard. For so long I’ve been on a roundabout spinning with having so many chemos and recovering in time to be knocked over again. I feel like Ive been a recovering drug addict you see on TV, poorly, dirty, sweaty, horrible and now I have to make myself look decent enough to go back to work in a law firm.
I have lost my hair and eyebrows and gained a lot of weight and I know these are trivial things considering what I’ve been through but I’m scared of people seeing me and being shocked. I’ve paid for wigs but they just dont look nice anymore. They look messy no matter how much I brush them. I need new clothes and l don’t have the energy to go shopping. Moan moan moan.
My point is has anyone else struggled with the whole back to normal part of the journey?
I’ve hopefully beaten cancer, I should feel on top of the world but along with all the above I’m terrified of it coming back.
Any advice appreciated.
Thanks 😊
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rareoldme
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I know how you feel. I am now on the road to recovery, but because I was self employed, my husband took over most of my little biz and I had to shed the rest, thus decimating our income, but making things more manageable physically.
I was struck down in August of last year, 2017, and have been mainly bedridden for 7 months. My all clear came on 5 of March and I have been slowly working my way to facing leaving my house for anything but a doctor's appointment!
I had been exhausted and my muscles wasted, and in the last month gained more weight than I needed to, after losing so much weight with the illness. My family loved feeding me 3 meals a day, and being bedridden, the meal breaks were a welcome diversion, even when everything tasted awful. Now that food tastes good again, I have been overdoing it. So cutting back is important.
I did get a great wig from the MacMillan Charity, and I am now wearing it from the moment I wake up to the moment before I sleep, so I like the way I look. I hate myself bald (but grateful for the Chemo that caused it).
Don't go back to work until you are strong enough. Don't rush things. But I have to say, that I became almost agoraphobic and dreading facing the real world. And it took a lot of effort to walk out my front door.
This week was the milestone for me, when I got dressed (in loose dress and tights with flowing cardigan over), put on makeup (I'd already begun to use eyeliner and eyebrow pencil at home) and took a walk around my neighbourhood. I live right in the centre of the little city of Bath, so my neighbourhood is the city and lots of folks saw me.
I walked around, feeling great, stopped at a shop and bought oranges, the first time I had shopped in 8 months, and was very proud of myself.
So, find some clothes you are comfortable in, wear comfy shoes, fix your wig so that you are happy with it, put on some makeup, and start slow: meet some friends for lunch. Everyone will be happy to see you!
Hi Rare Have you been in to work at all to discuss phased return etc? I think once you get past the initial visit you will find things will be ok. People will just be glad to see you are ok. I dreaded going back to work with a wig, several stone heavier, no eyebrows etc but people were so kind. In fact within two weeks on a dressdown day I went in minus my wig! The whole episode does knock your confidence and I have always been a confident person but I am sure you will find people accept you have had a rough time. Lift your chin (or in my case it was chinS) and I think the reality of returning to work won't be as you fear. I wish you well, big hug. xx Kathy
Look up the charity, Look Good Feel Better. They have workshops in many hospitals and community groups. They help with make up and hair tips so you can make the best of your appearance sans eyebrows and lashes, not to mention stylng wigs, etc. You also get a goodie bag of some expensive makeup that the companies give away to the charity.
It’s not trivial to want to look your best, especially in today’s work place. I wear more makeup while I’m under treatment than I ever have done since the sixties.
You could also try ordering clothes on line. If you’re not sure of the right size, order two sets, it’s easy to send stuff back these days.
Hi there...yes definitely rings a bell! When I went back to work I was able to take it very slowly (1day a week) but it was my changed appearance that gave me the wobbles. In the end I decided that if I was coming back after a major accident they would expect me to be changed... so I went with it...everyone could see I had fought a battle but gradually I got stronger and they accepted that too.
Working has been wonderful...it gives me something else to concentrate on! xx
Hi there Rareoldme, I really feel for you and get exactly how you feel. I returned to work last week, on a phased return (2 mornings). After 6 months of surgery, chemo and radiotherapy for BC and now Tamoxifen and full menopause! I've found it as difficult to cope with now the treatment is over, with change in appearance and ongoing and new side-effects. In all honesty, I think I've gone back too early (finished radiotherapy 5 weeks ago) and I am dog tired. I didn't realise how self conscious I was and have been used to only going out with fam members or friends. My advice is to get yourself back on-track, for you. Small steps to feeling confident. I'm not sure if we'll ever feel 'normal', but the transition from old chrysalis to butterfly is frustratingly going to take a bit of time. I'm wishing you luck and sending positive vibes - you'll get there. Phew what a journey xxx
Ah I know how you feel. Bless you.
I went back to work after 2 months following chemo. I had a covering of hair but very few eyebrows and lashes.
The first trip to work was hard. But I’d invited colleagues round for coffee and cake before I went back. So they saw how I looked.
I bought some elasticated trousers and tunics.
I work in a school so was worried about the children’s reactions too.
But everyone is so accepting.
No one batted an eye lid. So welcoming.
Be brave. Be strong. Be you. Be the new you. Everyone will be so happy to see you back.
Start on phased return. A couple of hours to start and then build up. Xx
I had forgotten about life which included work, but 6 months to the day I had surgery, I went back, with a phased return, starting at 4 hours/day. I have to admit, I had been feeling not quite normal, but steadily improving, all the time up to going back - (I'd kept as active as possible, walking miles per day even during chemo, and I got back to my old healthy eating habits very quickly as my sense of taste improved) - I was rating myself at about 98% of the way there and then the day I went, my powerful, wonderful brain snapped back into gear - and I declared myself at 100%. My business clothes still fitted, though I'd been wearing loose stuff for the whole time I was off - the wig was close enough to my old hair that no-one picked up on it, and I'd never worn make-up, so a very light touch was all that was needed - for filling in my eyebrows. I had my life back. Except that they made me redundant and then i had to turn around and apply for a new job with chemo brain! Reader, I got it. Stuff them, I haven't looked back.
Postscript: I fronted up at the new job from the start without a wig - so I may have looked somewhat formidable - but now I have a wild head of curls, as I've still not had a trim. (I wrote a song called "Attitude" about having really short hair, as people assumed I must have one; my band and I are rehearsing this now and intending to record it soon. They were the first to see me with stubbly hair (I wore my wig to and from the studio) and loved it - we were three skinheads jumping about the studio and making a racket, it was magic. )
Total respect and admiration for you going to the new job wig-less. That took a lot of courage but shows how hard you have worked to beat this damn disease. Well done. I work I a big shared office at a uni and have been trying to pop in on a good day each cycle. If we walk around the campus I will have something on my head but in the office I go bear on my head and get really lovely comments which makes me feel good.
Good luck in your new job, new start, new you xxxx
All respect to you for going "bare" in the office, that takes courage - the thing is, it becomes the new "normal" so quickly! To be honest, I love the look. I attended a Look Good Feel Better make-up session and was thrilled by the bravery of the women who removed their wig in that safe, supportive space (I did not take my little beanie off) - they looked so striking and amazing. We all protested when they put their wigs back on to go home! Ironically I'm in a big shared office at a uni too. So glad you're managing to get in to the office on a good day - every single day is a victory. Best foot forward, you are doing great! xxxx
PS I now have the wildest, thick, curly hair... you never know!
Good morning, I went through the same thing as you last year. I lost all my confidence and struggled to leave the house without my other half,. But going back to work was really good for me, it made me feel normal again. Everyone seemed pleased to have me back, I wore head scarfs to begin with, black classic style, and I had a lot of positive comments. as my hair started to come back in I went to work with my cropped look. Everyone said it suited me, so I’ve kept it really short. I had to get bigger clothes for my change in size, and that has upset me at times, but as one lady said to me, your alive, and that is the most important thing. My confidence has returned, through going back to work. Your first week will be hard, plus you will get tired easily, so take it one day at a time. Lipstick and eye brow pencils got me through the early days.
Yes I too have struggled. I was diagnosed at the beginning of June 2017 and still have not returned. I keep in regular contact. I had a major bowel op in July and a stoma and my TAH in September 2017 with chemo finishing the end of November 2017. I still dont feel right but I suppose this is the new normal. I have been out and about now so just beginning to think of returning. My point is - don't rush it - take your time. Return when it is right for you x x
Hi - yes I definitely struggled with this stage, I found it really hard coming out at the other end and everything you’ve expressed sounds familiar. Although I kept working to some extent through the beginning of chemo, all anyone expected of me was to get through treatment.
I work in a really caring and friendly school and I’d only been there for a year when I was diagnosed. I loved working there and I really wanted to get back to work. I initially did two mornings per week (officially although that was never the reality) and started that in June 17 just one month after finishing treatment and one week after my sign off.
My CNS thought that was a bit early but I felt that I needed to do it to feel normal and I also knew I had the 6 week summer break ahead. It was tough and rather than feeling normal it was a bit of a wake up call to the fact that I wasn’t the person I’d been before. I then returned to my 25 hour contract in September (3 months after sign off), it was still tough but my work were very understanding about my need to keep to my hours and looking back, our headteacher and other staff continued to cover a lot of my responsibilities. When I saw the surgeons at my 3 month review at the end of September, they thought it was amazing that I’d returned to work by then so I was able to be a bit kinder to myself about being slow at work.
I would say that around about February (9 months post treatment) I started to feel more myself and I stepped up in terms of responsibility - which I still found a bit scary because of the worry about how it would impact on my health. But so far so good and I’m enjoying it.
Sorry, there’s lots about me there but I just wanted to give you an idea of my timeline.
-I don’t know what your work allows in terms of paid sick leave but based on my experience I would say don’t rush back unless you have to.
-You’re protected by the equalities act (but you probably know about that if you work in a law firm) so your employer needs to make reasonable adjustments if they are able - Macmillan have a team that can help to provide advice.
-Arrange for a phased return - I originally wanted to go back for 3 mornings but my CNS said she would prefer for me to do just one day. Once people see you at work they just assume you’re back and have expectations of what you can do. Even in my kind and caring environment there were some people who just did not get what it’s like coming out of cancer treatment and I had to explain that while the cancer had been treated effectively, I now had to recover from treatment - they still didn’t get it. It’s also incredible how quickly people forget you’ve had cancer (long before you do).
I struggled less with how I looked - I had a wig and I had an amazing hairdresser who looked after my wig and my hair as it grew back. I was lucky that the “look” chosen by a few top models and actresses last summer was shaved white hair so I decided to adopt that look. OK so I had no eyebrows but I just pretended to myself that I looked like Cara Delavigne (will try and post a couple of photos) Someone has also mentioned Look Good Feel Better which I know is supposed to be amazing. I would say that if you can, try and feel proud of what you’ve achieved getting through treatment and use that to face the world with confidence and a smile. I think most people will feel in awe of what you have been through rather than shocked by how you look - it might be worth going in for a visit before you go back so that they can see the new you before you’re back at your desk.
Here’s a link to a document that someone shared with me at the end of treatment that I found really helpful: workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-...
And the Cancer Survivor’s Companion by Lucy Atkins is also helpful
Both of these will reassure you that everything you feel right now is normal. You’ve been through a lot so be kind to yourself and it will get easier.
I’ve read and read posts on here but have not yet posted, but this post has just struck a chord with me. I was diagnosed Aug ‘17 had the de-bulking hysterectomy, resulting stoma and the 6 sessions of the traditional chemo finishing 3rd March. I was given NED on 20th March and my current sick note runs until 14th May. I am already having night panics about this. I have only lived in black leggings once I was able to dress, I have no idea how this stoma will react under wasted clothes, it terrifies me. I have ventured out for a couple of hours with friends and sat there very self conscious of it making noises (I have no control). This on top of the fatigue, lack of confidence with chemo brain work terrifies me. I too became a virtual recluse during treatment. I have joined a local cancer re-habilitation class to help with mixing with people, strength and stamina, but I just can’t face work yet (I’ve never previously had a sickness record). I keep telling myself I need to pull myself together and should be ready by 14th May but reading some of your posts and seeing the longer timescales I think perhaps I may be being a little too tough on myself. I have always previously trusted my instincts and am now thinking I should perhaps listen to them again?
Hi Julie - if you can afford take longer then do. I found that even my GP didn’t really understand what I needed, they just asked me what I wanted in terms of sick leave.
From reading your post I would say focus on getting back into the world walking, socialising, adjusting to your stoma and maybe experimenting with different clothes. I don’t have a stoma but like you lived in oversized leggings for a long time. I discovered Treggings at White Stuff which were a bit of a step up.
Focus on getting your confidence back, and get all the help you can to do this, before going back to work.
I don’t know what your work are like or whether they’ve kept in contact but I would suggest you arrange a meeting with your work to keep in touch and let them know how you are doing and when you might be able to return to work. It’s better for them if you’re realistic - for example if you say 3 months it’s easier for them to put in place longer term cover than if you keep needing a couple more weeks.
I went back early but I knew I had a 6 week summer break ahead because I work in a school. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gone back at all until September which would have been 3 months after sign off. Also I knew that my work would be supportive of my needs, I work in a very caring environment.
Thanks Andrea, I think My mind set is with your reference to 3 months after last chemo, I’m going to get my head around that time scale, following above recommendations I called my local Look good feel Better yesterday and was thrilled to get a place for next Wednesday. Am now off to google White Stuff, treggings. Work have stayed in touch and been very supportive. Thanks for your input, am going to stop worrying and get my sick note extended.
Hi Julie - that definitely sounds like the right thing to do. The other thing that might be helpful is the Penny Brohn Living Well with the impact of cancer course. I did the residential course in Bristol - I thought it might be quite alternative but it was actually really grounded and helped me to focus on living life.
The do run local courses but if you can get to Bristol it’s good to stay over so that you get to try out all of the delicious food.
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(I wrote a song called "Attitude" about having really short hair, as people assumed I must have one; my band and I are rehearsing this now and intending to record it soon. They were the first to see me with stubbly hair (I wore my wig to and from the studio) and loved it - we were three skinheads jumping about the studio and making a racket, it was magic. 
back to work mon.....
Feeling lost and so alone 
Fears subsiding at last. Reality faced.
Bowel obstruction 
How to Starve Cancer
