Appointments

[ZenaJ]

Morning lovely ladies. Hope you are all feeling well today.

Question:- When you go for all your different appointments do you prefer to have someone with you or do you like to go alone?

Best wishes to all, Zena J xx

[Suzanne333]

Someone with me. I’m ok going for scans and treatment alone but need someone with me when seeing an oncologist or doctor. Xxxx

[ZenaJ in reply to Suzanne333]

Thanks Suzanne xxx

[CallmeMum]

Always best to have someone with you in the event of bad news at least then someone is listening to what’s next whilst you are taking it in.

[ZenaJ in reply to CallmeMum]

Very true, thanks mum xx

[Irisisme]

I like to have my hubby with me in case I forget stuff - and he gets the explanations first-hand too, much better xx

[ZenaJ in reply to Irisisme]

That is very true. Thanks Iris xx

[85live4ever]

Hi Zenaj, I always take my daughter in law even though she has 4 children, my son to look after & a job. She is excellent at not only being there for me but she won't let anything go without her say on it. I feel its keeps the onc on their toes.

Why do you ask? Your not thinking about going on your own are you? I am sure there are ladies on here that do but I am not that brave. Do you already have a appointment date for your scan results? Sorry for all the questions I must drive my family crazy I am always asking them questions as well.

I must add I do chemo on my own my daughter in law drops me off. I have done most scans on my own but cancer clinic appointments no way. If my daughter in law can't come I take my son & I think once I went with my sister but she wanted to take the whole meeting over it didn't work. I think it would be nice to take your lovely hubby. Take care Cindyxx

[ZenaJ in reply to 85live4ever]

Thanks Cindy,

I have taken my husband or friend occasionally to oncology appointments but on the whole I'd rather be on my own. When there's delays and there usually are, I get agitated because I think they're getting bored. I don't mind a long wait myself and usually read but I feel more comfortable on my own. Don't get me wrong, neither my husband or my friend and ever indicated in any way that they mind, it's just the way I feel.

I preferred my chemo on my own so I could sleep, read or do what I wanted. My husband always took me and picked me up but I couldn't see any need for him to stay for seven hours. This is because he has a hospital phoebia.

Also, my husband works. He takes people to airports and picks them up and you can't leave people stuck.

Anyway, I'm off now for my scan and my husband has just left for the airport. I haven't told my children I'm going so they couldn't even offer to come if they wanted to.

My appointment is 5 or 5.30. I feel a fool because I'm sure I put it in my phone and it's not there so I'm not even sure what time the appointment is now. I'm going on the bus so I have so allow at least 2 hours to get to the hospital. It' will stop me eating as well, as they said no food for 4 hours before the scan.

Rambling again. Sorry.

Zena xx

[ZenaJ in reply to 85live4ever]

Forgot to say, Cindy, too wrapped up in myself. Your family sound great. They must be a big help to you. xxx

[85live4ever in reply to ZenaJ]

Hi Zenaj, I know my limits & know what I am happy to do which is most things on my own. It sounds like you know what makes you comfortable.

I am quite wrapped up in myself I think cancer does it.

Good luck on your results take care Cindyxx

[ZenaJ in reply to 85live4ever]

Thanks Cindy. xx Take care xx

[Caleda4]

Hello Zena J,

I hope that you are feeling ok. Whenever I go for any of these hospital appointments my husband always comes with me. I have given him the option either way,but he insists on coming aswell & to be fair at times 2 heads are better than one.

I have seen some people go into apps. with several family members,but I suppose that depends on what the app. is for.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Love Caledaxx

[ZenaJ in reply to Caleda4]

Thanks Caleda4, I'm back from my scan. Using public transport this time it took five and a half hours. I'll drive next time.

My daughter is so wrapped up with her own problems she forgets I've ever had cancer. I remember, once when I was on my chemo, she asked me to go somewhere with her and when I said I was having chemo she said, 'Oh, I forgot'. Perhaps that's a good thing. At least she wasn't worried. My son was good, he cooked me lots of dinners and showed lots of concern. I try to protect my husband as he's not good with this sort of thing. When I was first diagnosed you'd think it was him that had something. Poor dear he can't cope with anything hospital related.

Hope you are okay. Zena xx

[lorraine71-Australia]

Hi Zenaj. It's evening here I'm having one of those nights when i can't sleep it's 1.30pm Sunday night and just reading posts and playing solitaire.

In answer to your post my daughter takes me to chemo but like yourself I like to be on my own. so when I'm finished the other daughter picks me up.

My husband or one of my daughters likes to come to the oncologist visit and that can be helpful, I have gone to a couple of my oncologist visits on my own as it's not always convenient for the family.

Hope all goes well with the scan take care Lorraine xx

[ZenaJ in reply to lorraine71-Australia]

Thanks Lorraine, I was beginning to think I was an odd ball preferring to go on my own. I like to get my head round things before I tell others then I feel on top of it.

Scan over. No problem, I hope. Don't know when I'll get the results. Can't fault our NHS at the moment.

Best wishes, Zena xx

[Mumtazbegum in reply to ZenaJ]

HI Zena like you I also prefer to go on my own for appointments and scans even though family and friends offer to come. I decline the offers. My husband takes me for the chemo but as I am only having carboplatin it usually only takes just over an hour. Just finished 3rd chemo and 3 more to go. We are all different and just like you I prefer to just get on with things and not trouble anyone if I can help it.Take care.

[ZenaJ in reply to Mumtazbegum]

Thanks Mumtaz, it's good to hear there are others like me.

All the best for the rest of your treatment. What stage are you? It sounds as if you're doing well.

Zena x

[Mumtazbegum in reply to ZenaJ]

I am stage 1 c so was fortunate to be detected so early. Just hope for the best for both of our treatments. Stay positive .

[ZenaJ in reply to Mumtazbegum]

My neighbour has stage 1C and she's doing fine. She's back to work and everything is normal. You've got a great chance. xx

[Yoshbosh]

Hi Zena,

Anything strictly routine, I go on my own (e.g. Scan appointments), anything where big news might be on the cards, I take someone (either hubby, mum or mother-in-law). I don't want to waste anyone's time with the routine stuff, so for example, I did the CT/MRI appt on my own and then the kidney function radioactive test (6hr day) on my own, but the actual test results with my husband.

The one time I didn't take someone was when my CA125 had shot up, but because I felt so well, I was just expecting to pop in and out. Backfired on me, big time!

[ZenaJ in reply to Yoshbosh]

Oh Yoshbosh that must have been horrible. I think your thinking must be my thinking. If no one is there with you there will only be good news. I'm better at accepting bad news than the rest of my family so I'd be the one comforting them. lol (I never do an lol)

Hope all is well with you. Zena xx

[Andrea63]

I went to scans and routine stuff on my own (eg bloods day before chemo) and I would also go to chemo on my own and friends or family would drop in.

When I was diagnosed in December I was on my own as I was expecting everything to be OK so that was weird but I was well looked after. My husband now comes to the main clinic appointments with me, partly because I get stressed before and it's also useful for him to listen as well as he hears different things.

Andrea

[ZenaJ in reply to Andrea63]

Thanks Andrea. The general answers seems to agree that the second pair of ears are a good thing. I was also told when on my own. I was in A&E at the time. I felt more sorry for the doctor that was telling me. I think he thought I had some sort of mental deficiency as he asked if I understood what he was telling me because I was so calm about it.

Hope you are doing well now. Best wishes, Zena xx

[Lewisriley47]

Hi, My sister used to go with me for chemo and some oncology appointments but now I am coming up to 5 years with this blasted disease for the past 2 years I go alone my choice Pam x

[ZenaJ in reply to Lewisriley47]

Thanks Pam, You are still doing well. 5 years is great. What stage were you?

Best wishes Zena xx

[Lewisriley47 in reply to ZenaJ]

Hi Zena. I was diagnosed with stage 4 and have had 2 recurrences but at the moment fingers very tightly crossed I am feeling well long may it continue Pam x

[ZenaJ in reply to Lewisriley47]

You are doing fantastically well. You must have the right attitude, Pam. I definitely agree, long may it continue. Best wishes, Zena xx

[babsclunn]

I don't mind going on my own been twice on my own but other times hubby or daughter have gone with me

I think I prefer to be on my own as if it's bad news would be stressing how they would be taking the news would rather cope initially on my own then when I have had my melt down then tell them

Mind you my last chemo I had I went on my own backfired a bit when I had a serious reaction to the chemo hubby was at home at the time had no car family were at work was fun and games but I was eventually able go home about eight o clock that night and my brother came to collect me

Babs x

[ZenaJ in reply to babsclunn]

Oh Babs, you sound just like me. It's great to know I'm not the only one.

How long did your chemo usually take because I used to leave home at 8 in the morning and never got home before 7.30 at night? The cold cap added an extra hour and a half.

All the best, Zena x

[babsclunn in reply to ZenaJ]

Yes mine was all day too left home about eight but was home for six apart from that one time

I dident opt for the cold cap as I hate the cold at best of time thought of it on my head was just a no

[ZenaJ in reply to babsclunn]

Hi Babs, I looked like someone trying to wear all their clothes at once. I also had blankets and fur lined boots. It didn't help that I don't drink tea or coffee and there's only so much hot chocolate you can drink. I'm always cold and my husband says I can't be so as he is always so hot it's three or four jumpers layering during 7 months of the year. Miserable and certainly not very glamorous. The cold cap was worth it though.

Best wishes, Zena x

[chrissapam]

I go on my own...don't really want to have to worry about other people, like Babs. However, my daughter aged 14 vhas been with me for my MRI and to see the onc. when it was school hols, but she wants to be a Dr(!)

. My son would like to come but I think that is because the Marsden is near the Kings Road and his sister once bought a retro T shirt there!

I try to combine it with something else and have fun. A friend came to my first chemo. My husband might faint!

More seriously, I think being an only child has a lot to do with my attitude...I like to fillter things a bit and also work out my own reaction before I hand on questionable news...!ove Cxxx ps the French restaurant on the corner opposite the Marsden in Dovehouse St could not be better if anyone needs cheering up....!!

[Yoshbosh in reply to chrissapam]

Damn! Why did I move to Sutton?! The Hummingbird Bakery is just around the corner from South Kensington tube station too.

[ZenaJ in reply to Yoshbosh]

And you've got Harrods and there's a Liz Earle where you can be pampered.

If you fancy a burger there's Sticky Fingers. They do a good macaroni cheese.

[Yoshbosh in reply to ZenaJ]

🤦🏼‍♀️ Lalalalalala <sticks fingers in ears> I can't hear you!

Being in the middle of a housing estate in Sutton is far better.

[chrissapam in reply to Yoshbosh]

Yep....and hopefully its not so far from home so you can get back to your kids.....more important!!! Cx

[ZenaJ in reply to Yoshbosh]

Hi Yoshbosh, I live on a housing estate by the mouth of the river Thames. It's a train ride into London. I used to work there years ago but wouldn't want to work there now. Nothing wrong with a housing estate. Nice people where we are. xx

[Yoshbosh in reply to ZenaJ]

Ah, no, Zena, it was more of an observation of the difference in the two locations of the Royal Marsden. One is in Chelsea, with loads of things in the local area, the other is in Sutton, in the middle of houses, with nothing nearby (other than houses). I live in a housing estate too - nothing wrong with them 😊

[chrissapam in reply to Yoshbosh]

will investigate the bakery.....but Sutton has some compensations! Especially with a family relatively close!!!! C x

[ZenaJ in reply to chrissapam]

Thanks Chris, you are so like me. I'm an only child (only I'm not because I was adopted and have recently found I have three sisters and a brother) but I like to sort myself out before telling others. I feel stronger that way.

When I go with my friend we always go for a meal but being at Southend Hospital our nearest is the Wetherspoon in Leigh. We still manage a bottle of wine and enjoy ourselves before getting the bus home.

If you like Indian food try Benares in Mayfair. Its Atul Kotchhers restaurant and I'd highly recommend it. Of course it's a bit dearer than Wetherspoon. I'm up for both ends of the spectrum. I liked the Ivy as well although it's a bit cramped in there. I do like my food, it's a pity I can't cook.

Hope all is well with you. Best wishes, Zena xx

[chrissapam in reply to ZenaJ]

Zena, was nice to hear from you....I had a feeling you must live somewhere I know....come originally from Romford, tho' now living in Dorset and used to cycle on the A127 cycle path to Southend as a teenager. My cousin lives in Westcliff!

Must be weird but lovely, knowing you have siblings you didn't know about..my kids have 3 half siblings in the States, two of whom they've met and I am pleased for them.

Do hope your scan goes well....am not sure about my present state of play..feel as if it varies day to day!

Love Chris xxx

[ZenaJ in reply to chrissapam]

Hi Chris, I lived in Gidea Park in the 80's and had my children in Harold Wood Hospital. That's gone now. Strange world. I worked for a while in a building which looked out on the A127. I might have seen you flying past.

I have managed to meet one of my sisters (twice). She lived with our mum and dad all her life and told me I'm very much like our mum. It's like Long Lost Family. We're still looking for our brother but as we're all getting on a bit and he is 15 years older than me I would be surprised if he's even still alive. A pity but that's life.

Chin up, Chris, although you vary day to day I think we all do to some extent. Some days we have aches and pains, some days we don't. Not quite the same thing I know but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Best wishes, Zena x

[Sunfleury-UK in reply to ZenaJ]

Yes yes yes to Benares... look out for their lunch deals as such amazing food and we thought really reasonable that way... We had late lunch and then an early evening event so was a rather fab day! X

[ZenaJ in reply to Sunfleury-UK]

It's lovely there and they take the gourmet card which gets 25% off. xx

[Boot1947]

Hi Zena, I always go to appointments on my own, because I think friends would find it boring sitting around with me (and cluttering up the waiting area!). My son used to come with me to chemo, which was nice, but he used to get a bit restless after four hours, or so, bless him! I had a friend who used to drive me there and back, but he really hated hospitals, so he never came in. I never mind being on my own, because I can read without feeling guilty! Deb xx

[ZenaJ in reply to Boot1947]

This is exactly how I feel, Deb. xx

[Avis52]

I always take someone with me as they seem to hear the news about treatment and findings that you miss or perhaps do not want to hear.

[ZenaJ in reply to Avis52]

That's a very good point Avis xx

[Rosewall101]

Hi Zena, my default is to go on my own. But if I know there is lots to discuss and decisions to be made then I like to have someone with me.

So I’ve been on my own when I’ve been told I have cancer. But when I need to discuss chemo/ what to do, then my husband came with. I think its really important to have someone with you during these meetings. So much is lost due to shock and confusion.

My sister came to a genetics meeting and on occasions I’ve conference called my husband in to oncology meetings.

It’s so personal. I favour the pick n mix approach!

T. X

[ZenaJ in reply to Rosewall101]

Good choices. I'm surprised at how many of us like to be on our own. It started with the replies from everyone wanting someone with them but the loners are taking over a bit now. xx

[Grace123]

Hi Zena Just to say that I do scans, tests and routine appointments on my own. Often with chemo my partner or sister brought me to hospital & went home with me, but I felt it was a waste of time them hanging around with me while I was having chemo, so I sent them off sight-seeing round London, so they had a bit of fun. I made a really good friend at chemo & so I'd hang out with her & have a good laugh - she was such a darling, transformed chemo for me - so I too tried to talk to others having chemo who seemed to want to socialise too. It made it more fun and a bit of a social event! I sometimes went to & from chemo on my own. I've taken my partner to one major results appointment - but I think it's a bit too distressing for him - so I have my sister on the phone for major appointments - she's a single mum with a 6 year old and a busy job in north Wales - impossible for her to accompany me physically. We get clear on what I want from the appointment in advance & so she'll make sure everything's covered, as even if I'm well prepared & don't feel nervous, I somehow feel disempowered to ask everything in the consultation. I also sometimes write down all my symptoms and concerns in advance & either email it to the medical secretary to forward it to my doctor or I take a copy in with me and go through it with the doctor. I'm fortunate to have a Macmillan at my hospital, so I've been in for a cry & support before and after my appointments in the past! - that's been a big help for me. My partner's and my information needs around my cancer are different - I like to know a lot more than him so I can prepare as best I can - his style is to take each day as it comes - so I'm careful to take care of both of us as best I can so we can play to our very different strengths.

Wishing you all the very very best xxxx Sundra

[ZenaJ in reply to Grace123]

Thanks Sundra. I like the list idea. I take a list of questions every time I go because I know I'd walk out having forgotten to ask something. I sometimes think some of my questions sound silly but why should I know things I've had nothing to do with. It was new to me even if they've heard it all before.

It's hard trying to keep everyone happy when all family members have their own ideas. We get there in the end though.

All the very best for the future. Zena xx

[Barlow1951]

Hi Zena, my sister came with me to appointments at first and family members used to drop in while I was having chemo, to break up the long 7 or 8 hour day. However, since finishing chemo in April 2016, I have been to all appointments on my own, except when I went for a second opinion on repairing my large hernia, when I took a good friend with me, which was great. Like some others have said, I prefer to process information then pass it on to family and friends in my own way. At present I am waiting to see a gastroenterologist due to abnormal liver function test results, but I am not telling family as I don't see the point of inflicting my uncertainty on them as well. They just want to believe that I am cured and don't even ask about my 3 month check ups, so I have more or less stopped discussing cancer with them at all, which seems to keep us all happy.

Hope that answers your question and that you can continue to do well.

Love Barbara x

[ZenaJ in reply to Barlow1951]

Thanks Barbara. I was just interested in other peoples views and they are different. My children don't ask about my check ups. They don't know when I'm going unless there's a reason they need to know.

I still discuss cancer with my husband all the time. Poor dear, he must be fed up with it by now.

The answers seem to be about half and half. Some like someone with them, others prefer to be alone. All different reasons just like everything else in life.

Good luck with the liver thing.

Best wishes, Zena x

[IrishMollyO]

Hi Zena

For five years I attended all my appointments alone. I didn't want to upset family or friends and felt I could cope as long as I brought along my list of questions and could write notes. In hindsight it was a huge mistake. I realised that I was subtly intimidated by certain consultants and one nurse. Last year my sister in law started coming to my appointments with me and I felt that it made a difference. You may think that you will remember everything that is said but with the best in the world you won't.

On my chemo days going alone was no problem. The nurses were lovely and once I went the first time I learned how to pass the time very easily . In fact people who brought along a couple of people upset me . The last time I went I had a woman's husband reading the emails on my iPad over my shoulder and firing questions at me !

Anyway Zena that is just my feeling but there are many different opinions . Good luck with your decision

XXX

[ZenaJ in reply to IrishMollyO]

Thanks Molly. I'm afraid my decision has already been made. I had my op 4 years ago. I was just interested what everyone thought about it. Most agree that you need more extra ears to listen to all you're being told. The other reasons are not worrying family or friends or just prefer to be alone. There's no right or wrong it's all down to personal preference.

Thanks for your response. It's interesting and will make me think deeper in the future.

Best wishes, Zena x

[BellmoreBelle]

Alone! I could not wait to get out of hospital and get home so I could be alone in the dark and the quiet to start to heal. I could not have stood having someone else about the house during those horrible days when I had to learn how to sleep and walk and everything else all over again. Silence is bliss! Everything else was done on my own except I had a friend who would accompany me partway home (walk/bus/train) after chemo, just in case. I could always let her go her own way at a nearby station and continue on on my own. No sense in walking her all the way to mine just to have her have to turn around and go back home!

[ZenaJ in reply to BellmoreBelle]

I too, Belle, love a bit of silence. You wouldn't like living here at the moment. My next door neighbour is having a new drive laid and it's been 3 days up to now listening and shaking to the pneumatic drill. It's doing my head in as they say these days not to mention my ears.

You sound like you have a good friend who likes to keep her eye on you. I found that some people seem to say and do things that they wouldn't normally do when they think you're on your way out. (Sorry if that bit upset you). I had visitors that I hadn't seen for years because someone put it on facebook. I like to prove them all wrong and live a very long time. Now I'm surviving I haven't heard from some of them again. Strange how things go.

All the best to you. Zena

[Sunshine2052]

Alone

[ZenaJ]

Thanks sunshine. xx

[Caroles1]

Hi Zena,

I go mostly on my own,not because no one offers to go with me,because I get loads of offers,but because my best friend calls me a stubborn little f....r!!

I always know whatever the news is I will cope! I am a lot braver than I thought I would ever be.

However, when I was really ill all my consultations pre op, Hubbie came with me.But, post op and chemo, I went on my own.

It was almost like a challenge and still is,weird I know,but,there it is, I think it is one of my coping mechanisms,or a control thing😳😬

Or it could be because I am an only child and fiercely independent,

Carole xx

[ZenaJ in reply to Caroles1]

I agree, Carole, it's a control thing. I like to be in control and get fed up with people telling me what I need and how I should feel. I, too, am an only child (I'm not really as I've discovered 3 sisters and a brother) but I've been an only child for 60 years.

The news is the same if we are alone or with someone. I like to get my head round it before others are involved.

Zena xx