Gutted - time for a rant and a few tears

This isnt realated to OC but I just need to rant. Just been speaking to my older brother (3 years older) and hes beaten back protrate cancer but has just been diagnosed with leukaemia. Hes got the BRAC2 gene which we both inherited. I want to scream - when will Cancer give us a break. Sorry ladies but I somehow felt you would understand how I feel. So angry, trying not to stress because I have my own CT scan reults to come on Wednesday. Ive done the tears, Ive done the swearing (and no it wasnt ladylike lol) now Im just feeling numb. xx

76 Replies

  • Omg does it ever let up... Sending huge hugs ❤️❤️❤️

  • Thanks I feel in need of hugs right now. xx

  • Oh no. So so sorry to hear your sad news. I hate bloody cancer. Sending you and him healing thoughts. Be strong for each other. Xxxxx

  • We will get through this I just need time to get my head round it xx

  • horrible horrible horrible, this disease is truly horrible, I hope you and your brother get through this. I am feeling angry for you having to go through this, it never seems to let up, just when you think things are going well, up pops the little beast and knocks you down again. I am thinking of you and know you are strong enough to get through this together. And you had every right to have a rant, I know I would do the same. sending lots of hugs, xxxx Jeanette

  • THanks Jeanette. Your right its a truly horrible disease x

  • My dear , dear girl ....I am so sorry , sorry for everyone involved . Of course we all understand , this is too much to bear , much to hard for anyone to cope with .

    If big hugs might reach you , then , big hugs of comfort .


  • Thanks, I need those hugs right now. I'm shellshocked at the mo and angry but I'll regroup and fight on with him xx

  • Honestly Kathy don't you just feel sometimes.......enough!!!! My sis got Breast cancer, I got OC my cousins 18 year old daughter is fighting Leukemia now and my other cousins 34 year old wife died yesterday of Breast cancer.......!!! Sometimes it feels like it's bloody everywhere!!!!! I had a similar day yesterday and having a run in with a wagon at work didn't help either!!!! Today I went to the gym and worked out hard.......feeling better!!!

    Let out a few screams, shouts, tears and then take a deep breath and you will get there!

    All the best to you and your brother!!!


  • See its flaming everywhere! Before I was diagnosed I lost an aunt, followed a year later by a cousin (late aunts daughter), another cousin the following year (late aunts son), then my mum a year later , then another cousin a few weeks later! Its obv a family thing! Just so angry. I know Im not alone but I truly hate Cancer!

  • Hi love,

    You have every right to feel angry! Sounds like you are as fed up with the whole cancer debarkle as we all are.Im afraid it takes no prisoners,your poor brother,you must support each other and take comfort in the fact he has won one battle,he must muster the strength to get through the next,

    Lots of love

    Carole xxx

  • Thanks Carole, he will be strong and I'll be strong for him, just sometimes get fed up of having to be strong if that makes sense !

  • I know love,but that's what gets us through,we are allowed the occasional meltdown and tears too,it's only natural,we are all here for you

    Carole xxx

  • Sending you big big hugs and so sorry to read this, life throws so much crap at us, hope he finds the strength to kick its butt. Love Gill xxx

  • Thanks Gill Sometimes I think it throws too much but hey ho we'll get through. x

  • I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope your brother is getting the best care. Your family sound like fighters, that's for sure!

    Sending you a great big bear hug 🐻 (And a little picture of a bear to make you smile...!)

    Yosh xxx

  • Thanks Yosh, and thanks for the pic, did make me smile :)

  • So sorry about your brother and the cancer. Sending you massive hugs

    Lots of love

    Judy xx

  • Thanks Judy xx

  • You and your brother must be devastated by this news. You must be wondering when it will ever end. Hoping there's a plan for him soon and wishing you all the best for your own CT scan results.

  • Thanks January. He is devastated , I could hear it in his voice but he'll get through it, he beat prostrate but wont be able to beat this but hopefully can keep it at bay for a long long time. xx

  • Sending hugs so deserve a break from this, cancer is such an evil swine...😡

  • Im sure thats what I called it Lyndy amongst other things lol. good job theres just me and the dog at home at the mo !

  • So sorry - you are such a star helping people on this forum, and your family don't deserve this. Hugs. x

  • Thanks harpist, I try to help, probably say too much but if I can help just one lady then Im happy. Hopefully I can be there for my brother now xx

  • I think it's true - turning your focus to helping others in a difficult place is a way forward. Hopefully treatment will go well. x

  • Hi Kathy so sorry to hear your story of course you are up to ninety. Rant away you are indeed allowed that, Life can be hard cant it? I have a friend who has Cll form of Leukeamia for nearly 15 years now. She is doing okay, its also familial, her brother was checked to see if he was a suitable donor for stem cell but he had the same type a different variant though. My friend is currently on immunotherapy trial here in Ireland and despite a few hicupps she is doing okay now. Her immune system has been affected but with antivirals and antibiotics she has lasted to now. So I hope this give you some hope for your brother. When I had a recurrence my son lost twin boys at 26 weeks, the pregnancy wasnt viable although the babies had heart beats. So life does get unbearable but you will also have good times. I wish you well for the result of the scan. I hope all goes okay for you and here is a big hug across the Irish sea to you,

  • Thanks Suz, needed to hear something positive :) and thanks for the hug xx

  • oh Katmal, I'm soo sorry. words wont suffice... sending you a big hug and lots of healing prays for your whole family.

    Your brother is clearly a strong man, Wishing him the best of luck for future treatment and to you too for your scan results on Wednesday.

    Asma x

  • Thanks Asma. xx

  • Sorry too read your news praying for you both 😃

  • Thanks Floz x

  • I know exactly how you feel,when will this b****** thing ever leave us alone,wishing your brother all the best for his upcoming treatment and good luck with your scan next week.xx

  • Thanks . just need a break !

  • Huge hugs

    your brother kicked it in to touch last time he will do it again

    In my thoughts and prayers xx

  • Thanks Babs. Unfortunately he cant this time but hopefully its not aggressive x

  • Hi karnal, l am truly sorry for the awful suffering you and your family have had to and still have to endure. I'm not on here very long and l was only explaining last night to my husband your situation. You are an amazing person with so much strength and positivity! You have so much good advice to give to us ladies on here. Thank you!! My heart goes out to you and your brother and you both will be in my prayers, daily 😘 Good luck on Wednesday and you mind yourselves ❤️️❤️️

  • Thanks, really appreciate your reply :) . Hope you are doing ok xx

  • :(

    Sometimes there are no words xx

  • Sorry to hear this Kathy, your joint strength will help you both through, good luck with your scan results, sending you both a hug and positive vibes x

  • Thanks Vonny xx

  • Oh no Kathy that's absolutely heinous.

    I'm sending all the positive vibes I can muster to you and your brother along with a big hug.

    I'm also doing some very unladylike swearing on your behalf.

    Let the anger out Kathy, it's more stressful not to.

    Just remember, we all love you and all here for you.

    Debs xxxx

  • Thanks Debs. Well after a terrible night's sleep, Im finally up feeling shaky and tearful. Not sure how much more I can take. I lost my mum to Cancer and my dad now Im so scared Im gonna lose my brother and selfishly scared that this news, the stress of it, will trigger another recurrence. I have to use all my strength to go on but I keep thinking back to when we were growing up and such a happy family . God Cancer sucks!

  • Hi Kathy. I'm so sorry to hear all this . I send you a big hug . Good luck with your scan results.. xoSuela

  • Thanks Suela xx

  • Hi Kathy really sorry to hear this news. I think it really is best to let it out and you have every right to. I wish you and your brother strength, hope and good vibes. Miracles can and do happen. Hugs to you both. Mary x

  • Thanks Mary xx

  • Hi K

    So sorry to hear about your brother. Cancer is truly evil and especially when it hits whole families . I will say a prayer for you both . I hope you get good news on your scan. You are so generous with your advice for everyone and now that you are hurting too we want to be there for you. Take care.


  • Thanks Molly, apprecite your kind reply xx

  • Sending you both strength in this really awful time. What a vile disease this it. xxxxx

  • I think vile is one of the words I used when I was having my swearing session lol. xx

  • I am so sorry to hear your news, I can only imagine how devastated you must be. Your brother is lucky in having you as his sister, as I know you will support him just like you support many of us on this site, but you must take care of yourself too. Good luck with your scan results on Wednesday I will be thinking of you and your family.

    Rosanna xx

  • So so sorry to read your news Kathy, , your right cancer sucks big time !!!

    And they say it's going to get worse.

    Take hope from the new treatments that are available for your brother.

    Big hugs Xx

  • Thanks Trix. I read yr latest update. I hope your ok xx

  • Rant away. Wishing your brother back to health. Hope your CT results are positive. Much love to you. Xx

  • It's a right @@&8£3! no wonder your stress and emotional levels are sky high, we think we find a limit and then something comes along and pushes it just that but higher....and all in one family, sometimes life is just c&@p. Have Cancer in my family and not BRCA and you do wonder, why on earth does it have to be us?

    Anyway, all the usual sort of words of support like hugs, postive thoughts are lovely but what you really want is for someone to resolve the problem and as we all know that can't happen, so you will have to just get back in that saddle and you and your brother do what you have to keep doing, FIGHT.


  • Defo fighting gloves back on after a shock yesterday and a few tears. xx

  • Sending you virtual hugs.❤️❤️❤️

  • OMG that sucks big time.

    On the positive side.... When I was dx with OC I was so relieved. I know that sounds weird but I'd only just finished treatment for BC and the fact it was a new primary and not secondary BC was a massive plus to me. It wont be easy but hopefully he has a chance of a 'cure' and (fingers crossed) a full remission.

    Will be thinking of you on Wednesday, hope it's good news :-)

    Sending massive (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) for you both xXx


  • Unfortunately hes been told it cannot be cured but at the moment not aggressive so hopefully can be controlled xx

  • Sending you both and your families hugs and best wishes. Life is so cruel xx

  • Thanks Gail x

  • So so sorry to read your post, this vile disease in all its forms seems to know no boundaries. You're a courageous lady and have stood up to cancer all these years, but then you really think it would give you and yours a break! It's good to rant and swear and let it all out. Hope there is a treatment plan put in place quickly and some hope on the horizon. You will be a great strength to your brother and together fight on and stick 2 fingers up to the b****r again.

    Hugs and best wishes

    Madeline x

  • thanks Madeline, Im ready to take on the fight with my bro, im not ready to lose someone else :(

  • So sorry Katmal, I don't have any words of comfort but I know how you feel as cancer seems to eat it's way through some families. Sending you hugs and thinking of you and your family.


  • Thanks Damelza, I think im getting over the shock and ready to do battle with my bro xx

  • That didnt sound right! I meant we'll fight this together lol

  • So sorry to hear this news Kathy. I just don't have any words. It makes me so angry. Good luck with your results. Do take care. Sending great big hugs. Xx

  • Thanks for the hugs Millie everyones been so kind here x

  • You go ahead and rant as much as you is so unfair. Good luck for results on Wednesday and sending a great big cyber hug xxx

  • Thanks Linda. I think I've passed the rant stage, now just going through the 'depressed' stage, hopefully that will pass. Thanks for the hug, appreciated :)

  • It's so hard to stay strong all of the time. We are allowed to have our sh**y days. Another cyber hug coming your way xx

  • Thanks Linda, very much appreciated xx

  • Kathy you have every right to scream and shout. How is it even possible that this stuff can happen to good people in such large doses? I'm so so so sorry that you and yours are having to deal with all this. I wish there was something I could actually do to make any difference but I am just sending you warm wishes and comforting thoughts.

    All the best to you.


  • Kathy-

    I read your bio and you my lady have been through so much. You are very strong and offer so much to others with your insightful posts. Cancer is a dark beast that strikes often in families. My mother and brother died of cancer way too young. Many people in my family have died of cancer. I was tested and negative for all the known genes for cancer.

    You have a right to get angry and vent here. What we all have is hope for a cure. There is a lot of research going on right now, a lot of promising trials.

    I pray for you and your brother. Chin up- you will get through this and come out stronger!!

    XX Carol

  • Thanks Carol. Maybe I have been through a lot but as they say God doesnt give you more than you can bear. There are a lot of ladies here going through so much worse than I have and they are so very brave. In fact I sat and watched 'Stand up to Cancer' last night with tears streaming down my face and realised just how lucky I have been. We just have to keep fighting....

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