Anger

[Strawberryfield]

Hi my family keep telling me I'm angry all the time.they want to know why.i think I'm angry with the disease and the independence it's taken away from me.i feel iv never had a break in life anorexia as a teenager then 25 years of depression.my mental health was the best it's been then I get this.i generally don't really think about it but it's always there and it won't go away.maybe I have a right to feel angry regards Carolyn x

[Whippit]

Dear Carolyn

I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel angry that you are having to deal with cancer. I was angry at one time - not with the cancer exactly, but because of the injustice of treatments, access to clinical trials, etc. in the UK. The anger grew into something very positive and I've spent the last 3 years trying to understand the issues around cancer provision in the UK, and lobbying to improve them.

It just goes to show that anger can be put to a very positive use but I'd imagine having suffered with mental health problems over a number of years that it could totally overload you at times and work in a negative way. I hope you're getting some help to deal with how you're feeling and help to find avenues you can follow despite a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Do you have a CNS you can talk to? Ours runs very small groups for people who feel overwhelmed by their diagnosis of cancer, or there may be other support groups you could join.

It would be an interesting thread to ask what things we all do to keep ourselves afloat.

Sending loads of love and hugs. xx Annie

[babsclunn in reply to Whippit]

Hi Annie

I keep myself afloat spending as much time as possible with my grandchildren and also just started volunteering at a dougie mac shop few hours a week

In spring summer love gardening x

[babsclunn]

Hi Carolyn

We all feel angry at some point this bloody disease is like a huge wrecking ball that demolishes the life we had work, family , social life everything but you can rebuild from the wreckage it's a different way of life but it can be achievable

Don't let this disease claim victory

Refuse to let it rule all of your life

Don't let the anger block out what you can achieve

Make the most of the time when not in treatment X

Have you considered asking be referred to a Councillor

Penny Brohn have retreats which might help

[Hidden]

Yes I agree, we all feel angry from time to time but we must not let it consume us because doing this serves no great purpose. If you are up to walking, get out and walk, clean the windows get rid of the angry energy as it ends up being an energy vampire. We can only live one day at a time, okay we have this illness but I refuse to let it rule or ruin my life. I do voluntary work a few hours weekly, I feel maybe you could speak to the CNS in your hospital to see if there are any support groups you can join or if there is any counselling available. I found counselling very valuable to me but maybe its not for everyone. I try to think that people who havent cancer could well have a lot of other things going on in their lives so they may not escape scot free, I tend to think that everyone has some little thing

[Jo-Bo]

It sounds like you have a lot of very good reasons to be angry. Some people seem to get through life ungraded, others seem to face so many challenges. I think you have a right to feel angry but I have learned the hard way that being angry only hurts me and makes things worse for me. So I try to let all the angry feelings go and try to live without anger. It works most of the time but sometimes I get angry again and it takes a while to calm down.

[Strawberryfield in reply to Jo-Bo]

Hi ladies thank you for your replies.when I was angry when I had a bout of depression I took that anger out on myself.this feels like a different kind of anger if that makes sense.i have no desire to hurt myself I just feel angry towards the people who are supposed to be helping me I feel really let down by the so called professionals.when I come from seeing one of and I'm with a family member I usually start a rant.i don't want my family thinking I'm angry all the time they have enough to deal with.i see my cpn this week so I,m going to talk to her about it.its nice to know you guys are there regards Carolyn x

[IrishMollyO]

Hi Carolyn. Sorry for delay in reply. You are not alone in being angry . I have been angry too and still get angry with the Health services particularly at what I see as totally different approaches by doctors depending on where you live. Some doctors operate and some don't. Some will do CA125 regularly and others refuse to do it. I do find though that for me having a psychologist who specialises in Cancer patients was invaluable. I also go to a support group and there I did meditation and learned mindfulness . I start each day with a new outlook as living in the now stops you from thinking back to the bad stuff or going forward to the future imagining the worst. I also ask questions whenever I get the opportunity and go to the OC patient days to learn as much as I can. I admire people like Annie and Suzuki who help others and lobby on behalf of other women. Perhaps we too could channel our anger and help other women. I hope I haven't sounded too preachy Carolyn. I just care.

XXX