Stage 4

[Kempton-25]

I'm stage 4 and due to have my second line tomorrow. At this moment in time I'm so down I could burst into tears. Has this happened to anyone else?

[HopeP]

Absolutely. And through endless occasions of trying to fight it I've decided sometimes it's better to have a good cry.

Take each day as it comes, make the most of the good days and I try to give in to the 'down' days. Doesn't always work !!

It's really hard and we just have to find out our own way of coping, but remember there are lots of us willing each other on.

I will be thinking of you . X

[Dollysmum]

It's understandable you're upset. Cry as much as you want. Throw things if it helps. I'm due my very first tomorrow and today I've sobbed. But hey, we've every right to. Try to watch or read something humorous, maybe. I downloaded Audibly and listening to talking books. Currently listening to Ladies of Letters with Prunella Scales and Patricia Routledge at their very best. They make me laugh like a drain. Surround yourself with things that make you feel better.

Remember we're warriors, fighting a God awful disease. By all accounts, it's exhausting. But fight we will and as women we'll roll up our sleeves up and face it head on. If you are very down, ask your GP to prescribe you something to take the edge off. Anything that will soften the blow.

I wish you all the best love. xx

[Kempton-25 in reply to Dollysmum]

Thank you 😘

[TinaB1 in reply to Dollysmum]

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Debs. I know it's your Birthday too which is hard. xxx

[Dollysmum in reply to TinaB1]

a good omen, I hope. Thanks love xxx

[chaplin]

Hello, sorry to hear you are feeling so low with further treatment imminent. There are no rules for how people 'manage' this terrible disease so don't be hard on yourself. Many of the lovely ladies who use this forum do so comfortable in the knowledge we understand the ups and downs of treatment and can empathise with the arch other. If you have not already done so, do speak to one of the specialist nurses.

Details below launched earlier this week:

free-phone support line number, call 0800 0087 054 to speak to a specialist nurse about all things ovarian cancer.

Thinking of you and hope tomorrow is not too bad for you😗 Xx

[Kempton-25 in reply to chaplin]

Thank you for your response. I will call the support line for a chat x

[Julie40]

Hi. I'm also stage 4 and just over half way through 2nd line. In many ways my recurrence was tougher than the original diagnosis. I guess I thought I had fought so hard to get through the treatment I shouldn't have to do it again. If only that was the logic ! I've accepted that I'm back on treatment and although it isn't easy some days I'm staying focused on the plan and doing everything I can to stay positive. It is ok to let go though as we are all only human. You will find so much support on here for the good times and the tough times. Do speak to someone if you need to because it will help and whatever you do try not to let this ruin the days you're feeling good. They are too precious. Hugs xo

[Kempton-25 in reply to Julie40]

Thank you

[Hidden]

Hi I'm in the same position, I'm on my second line and just had my 3rd treatment yesterday, I was devastated I had to have treatment again and only 6 months after my first line. I cried ALOT and found it very hard to deal with but with support from my family friends and medical team you do find the strength to get through it, I have days where I still cry but on the whole I try and be positive. There is support so dont be afraid to talk to your CNS about it. I found support from all the ladies on here to, as it's nice that people understand fully how you are feeling and what you are going through. Sending big his to you and best wishes xxx

[hannakat]

I also have metetastic late stage OC. The encouraging thought to you is this....I have had it for 11 years! I have had surgery, 7 rounds of different chemos, plural effusions drained 5 times, and I am doing great. I will just keep on going.........have eliminated all the stress from my life, take in dogs for doggie day care, and my cancer is really under control....I still have it.....but am living well with it....think I'll go on another 11 to 20 years ( I'm 70 now, so pretty sure something else might get me first). I am one of millions of women who are living well with cancer...you will too!

[JanePW1965 in reply to hannakat]

Wow, that's a good positive story Hanna. My Mum has an appointment on 26 Jan. She was diagnosed 3c end 2013. Debulking, etc. Jan 15 recurrence news. 6 Caelyx. Last one 21 July 15. Oct appt - CA125 down from 250 to 159. Tumours slightly smaller and not attached to anything! 3 months watch and wait. Now I'm wondering what they will say on 26th. Not sure if I can go with her as I'm over 200 miles away with children. Will try though although she has loads of friends. I suppose they will take a blood test and go from the CA125? She feels well though so I guess that's a good sign. But it must cause so much anxiety from appointment to appointment. I have copied and pasted your message into an email to Mum.

Lesley, I love your message too about the Stanza Stones. What a lovely idea.

Jane x

[tntknc in reply to hannakat]

Wow! You are a beautiful soul! Thank you for sharing your story. Hearing that you are "living well with it" gives a weird sort of comfort because you have placed yourself in control, not letting your cancer control you. You are an inspiration!

[ponzlaw in reply to hannakat]

Thank you for your positive message and god bless

[Caroles1 in reply to hannakat]

You are inspirational, it's so good to hear of people making the most of life with this awful condition, I hope if I get a re occurrence that I am as strong as you.

Thank you for that lovely post, It's great to hear xxx

[Dollysmum in reply to hannakat]

Hannkat, you are an inspiration. I love you. xx

[LesleyGreengran]

Yes of course we've been there. We have much in common but react and cope in different ways. I seem to go into treatment for recurrence positively but collapse emotionally about halfway through. (I'm on 3rd line now). I find it so important to do good things when I'm able so that I have days to remember and to look forward to. One of mine this time has been the stanza stones - a series of beautiful poems (and I'm not usually much into poetry but love these) carved on rocks up in the hills of West Yorkshire. I'm getting people to take me to them on the easy routes ie not the 47 mile walk! And I get lonely so I've got friends and even people I don't know all that well coming to visit me this week. And my daughter got me a cheap tablet so I can keep up on Facebook and the internet even when I can't sit at the computer or the heavier laptop.

[lesleysage]

Hello 'Kempton-25',

You may not read today's posts from any of us until after the chemo today so do hope the positive vibes have wizzed out over the ether to you. I'd like to share what I am making work for me - 3 things which I repeat very often:- (1) I weep tears into streams, into rivers, into torrents and into oceans but I can swim and everyone is swimming alongside me with lifejackets to ensure I stay head-up. (2) I constructed a 'visualisation' of being on my favourite walk which uplifts me, and whilst on this walk imagined the chemo as aggressive, indescriminant riot police bashing down crowds, plus an 'A Team' (I was on Avastin as well as carbo + taxol in my recurrence) of specialist search and rescue guys & lassies and finally I imagined my immune system cells mopping away all the dead cells as The Seven Dwarf and even taught myself the words of "Hey-ho" from U-tube!! and finally (3) I repeated a mantra of 'this cancer is only part of me, it is not the whole of me'.

These three things I built into each day, along with listening to CDs etc. which may you laugh (as already suggested), exercise (I downloaded a short easy yoga session of 25mins and did walks which got shorter and shorter taking longer and longer as chemo progressed), drinking plenty of water & visits from friends (but these got shorter as the chemo did it's worst to make me depleted). And finally, my GPs advice is that my job is to focus on growing healthy cells and leave the killing to the medics, so he 'prescribed' good diet, exercise and rest....so I integrated the weeping, crying and sadness with all these good things.

It takes time, testing out what suits you and then practice but for me, it felt a positive use of the hours we get on our own, during the day but a lot at night too.

Big hug and hope just one tiny bit of what is working for me (stage 3c clear cell since May 2011 with recurrence in Jan 2013) will spark something for you. L xx

[Barb4145]

I am so sorry to hear that you have received this awful diagnosis but felt I had to send a message to try and boost you on because I was diagnosed with the same at the beginning of 2014 and have had 3 lots of Chemo, all the offending bits removed, another 3 lots and then given the all clear at the end of 2014 for it to return in February 2015 but the Chemo last year, 8 lots, was not so bad as the year before and my tumors are stable as at 21 December 2015. I am returning to the clinic in February but my CA125 had doubled in December but they did not know why. They are keeping a good eye on me and said to leave the worrying to them, easier said than done!

All I can advise is keep positive, if I ever start to feel upset I try and do something to keep busy and I know the thought of it never goes away but I try and make the most of every day doing what I want to do and trying to be as normal as possible. I know at the GP I go to she has another lady who has lasted 10 years with the same thing as we have and I have spoken to others who have lasted years longer. I have to keep hoping that there will be something to keep us going a lot longer or even a cure!

I don't know if this helps but I do know that this site is excellent because we are all in the same situation and try and boost one another up so when you feel down just spill the beans on here and someone will get back and help you. We all know how you feel and will try and make you feel better if we can.

All the best and a big hug.

Barbara

[Lily-Anne]

Sending you a huge hug, this cancer lark is so scary. I start second line soon too and am so not looking forward to it, I know I'm going to have a total meltdown. However at least there is a massive positive here, there are lots of ladies on here who have had chemo while diagnosed stage 4 and are ticking along nicely.

I don't know what area you are in, but have you tried Mindfulness, there is a free Mindfulness introduction running at AI Coaching Solutions in Northants on 16th Jan, it may help you relax.

Best wishes

LA xx

[MsLizD]

Oh yes, many times but somehow, from somewhere comes the strength to be brave, to accept what we have to and carry on, taking each day as it comes.

Good wishes to you. X

[Hertsmum]

So sorry you are feeling this low but it's completely understandable. Sometimes you just have to cry the tears out otherwise the tension and sadness inside just build up too much. I hope your first treatment went ok and you're feeling a bit better to have got started. I'm on 2nd line too and have had 2 lots of carbo/caelyx - I was in for 2nd yesterday.

Recurrence is devastating as we all can't help hoping we will be one of the lucky few who are cured, but we just have to remember that many, many women like the amazing stories here on this forum do live fulfilling lives for years with this disease. It may never be the same as life before cancer but it is still life and the good days are to be cherished. I know sometimes though that it is very hard to see it that way as everything gets eclipsed by the enormity of having cancer and the desperate wish to go back to our 'normal' lives. If it is getting like that most days then it would be worth seeing your GP

or getting a referral to a psychiatrist who can prescribe the right anti depressant for you or counselling sessions which are also available through Macmillan and other cancer charities.

Hope today is a better day and you have some belated birthday celebrations

Love, Madeline. Xx

[Kempton-25]

Just to say a massive thank you for all your kind replies. I went for my treatment with positive thoughts and it went very well. This was my first post and I'm so glad that I did it. 😘😘😘👍

[Dollysmum in reply to Kempton-25]

I'm so pleased to hear that. I had my very first today and it also went very well. Positive IS what positive DOES. We can do this.

I told the Senior Onc Nurse that I think of myself as Boudica and the cancer cells those nasty Roman soldiers. He either thought me mad or brave or both.

Dxxx

[hannakat in reply to Dollysmum]

Dolly, thanks for replying...can't believe I've been doing this for 11 years, but God is good. I love your attitude....it is THE WHOLE KEY!!!! I learned to joke, not to take it seriously, not to change a thing about my life, no matter how tough....laugh. I don't believe in any of these "groups", "survivor t shirts", "bald heads" ...none of that crap. Wear a great wig...always look good.....don't whine!! Cancer is alive....it LOVES attention, and when it doesn't get any, it just sits back and pouts....It leaves me alone and I leave it alone. When it acts up...I nail it with the next chemo and go on my way. You WILL WIN!!!!

Kathleen

[Dollysmum in reply to hannakat]

You're amazing Kathleen. (That was my mums name). I have quite a dark sense of humour which I guess fits this disease. I'm working on a blog called - Not Dead Yet! xx

[Hidden in reply to hannakat]

I have to say I love your attitude, I dont do tee shirts or plastic hats to mimic bald heads either, I actually hate the thought. I do however get comfort from talking to a counsellor in confidence in a support Centre a few miles away. I finished Avastin a few months ago and when the numbers rise again, I will as you do, "nail it with the next chemo" best wishes

[Hidden in reply to Kempton-25]

I am sure it took a lot of courage to do your first post. As a lot of the ladies have said, we are on the same road, we have all been there with our ups and downs. It is normal to feel upset so you are being normal. It is daunting to get these reports from our oncologists and its not easy. I have coped by attending a Cancer Support Group for counselling and light massage. I try to get out most days but really the walking does stop now and again I have to admit, Before Xmas I did a Mindfulness course which does help the mind from going into overdrive. I suggest you contact your CNS and find out what Cancer Supports are available to you, it is a hard step to take but it does help. You can also contact the Ovacome Nurse if you have any worries, they will only be too glad to help. I wish you well in this course of treatment and finally be kind to your self as in dont be hard on yourself, we are all only human, sending you a big hug for having treatment today

[judyved-US in reply to Kempton-25]

Good for you! We all have our way of coping, and it sounds like you're finding yours. Lots of prayers and good thoughts coming your way. Judy

[ruthlighty41]

Yes, for sure! I was diagnosed May 2014with stage 4. I am now in remission! There is hope. Just hang in there and do what the dr prescribes. I pray for you!