With apologies to poets from Keats to Yeats to Frost I wrote these lines at some unearthly hour this morning when I just could not sleep with worry about Mon morning and chemo once more.
" As I step back on the chemo train
I'm really scared of future pain
My journey was over or so I thought
Now there's another battle to be fought
For five years or more I dared to dream
Fate had other plans it would seem
My NED status , it just disappears
And left me sobbing ,full of tears
That first time round , I was very brave
I took that poison, my life to save
The side effects I tossed aside
And wore my wig as a badge of pride
The second time round is such a blow
Now I've learned all there is to know
This disease is evil , it has no pity
It strikes us all from town to city
There's one great thing , I didn't have before
( and I know they'll help me more and more)
Are a group of women who are always there
Take a bow my ladies from Ovacare !
P..S and of course Ovacome too but it wouldnt rhyme !
Written by
IrishMollyO
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Molly how lovely! You brought a tear to my eye! I am thinking of you as you get back on the train! I really hope the journey is short and uneventful as you head towards the NED stop again!
Hi Molly .. superb ode 😊 Wishing you loads of luck on the next part of your journey to the NED stop. Keep us posted we're with you all the way Love Michelle x
I just wanted to make sure all you lady. Angels were holding me up. Take care. You will definitely hear from me but I hope I don't bore everyone ! Last time round no Ipad. What a gift it is !
What a lovely poem , It looks like we have a poet as well a s a singer in our mists. The best of luck tomorrow and chin up you've done it once so you will kick it's a*** again only this time twice as hard. Kittie.
As they say in Cork " listen girl ! What about you ? The star of Joe Duffy and Miriam ! Next stop Graham Norton I believe . Seriously you blew us all away. Your voice is beautiful and you harmonised perfectly with Tommy Fleming who happens to be one of my favourite singers . There wasn't a dry eye in my house or any house in the country. Plus you looked brilliant. I don't know about a career for me but I'm sure the record companies will be knocking on your door very soon. Keep on singing.
Thanks for cheering me up this morning, I have chronic face ache and it's making me feel really miserable , hope all goes well with the chemo. Love Bridie xx
You poor thing. I hope there is something you can take for the pain. It's no joke . I am now wired up and getting my steroids. Waiting to turn into a Duracell bunny any moment now ! I remember last time 5 years ago. Nobody could stop me talking . By the way I love the name Bridie as it was my late mothers name. Take care and hope you feel better soon.
Thanks for writing that poem Molly. You put into words what so many of us have experienced. Do hope the chemo goes smoothly today and for the rest of this course. All the best, Barbara
Just started at last about 10minutes ago. Keeping the fingers of my free hand crossed that I don't get an allergic reaction ! So far so good. The worst bit was getting up early as I am a morning grouch ! Take care
I am over the first day at least . Really early morning but after that it went ok with a few hiccups. Couldn't find a vein so my two hands were in use. I should have remembered on time that being a cold creature my veins had to be heated with a small electric blanket to find them. Then my chemo was delayed coming from the pharmacy. After that all went well . I was able to go to a relaxing class in the centre. I also have a visitor to entertain ! She arrived today. Long story . The good thing is I had no bad reaction unless it suddenly comes out of the blue ! I will stay hopeful.
XXX
Wow, that is quite a poem full of truth and feeling, wishing you the best in your treatment we are all here for you
It was born of no sleep the night before and a sick worried feeling. I try to write it out of me if you know what I mean. The first treatment was surprisingly not too bad. Carbo only and my bloods had been done the week before so it wasn't too long a wait. Apart from delay in my cocktail coming from the pharmacy. I don't know why they called mine a cocktail since there was on,y one drug ! The only cocktails I have ever known are served in fancy glasses with a peacock feather ,
Today was good too despite enforced lack of sleep due to steroids in my cocktail. And the eight I have already taken today will no doubt play havoc with my sleep tonight but I have a cunning plan! I am going back on my sleeping pills even though I gave them up ages ago. Tomorrow I am getting a train to Dublin to attend the funeral of an old friend from long ago. We didn't meet very often but kept in touch especially at Christmas. She had lung cancer but wasn't expected to pass away that quickly . I was very sad to hear it as I was sitting with my IV drip when her daughter texted me.
I had better wind up as the steroids are making me write too much as well as talk to much. Most people on this site will think I am on steroids constantly as my posts are always too long ! You are always so kind and helpful in your replies. Take care
Hi Molly, I'm sorry you're back on chemo again. 5 years was a good break to have. I know exactly what you mean, i entered into treatment blindly first time around, second time though i was frightened of the side effects but I spoke to the cons about my fears and she prescribed additional steroids for me. They helped in so much as the awful bone pains I got first time didnt materialise, the down side though was they gave me a ferocious appetite and I have put on a lot of weight. I finished my 2nd line chemo 3 weeks ago. Due to have scan on Monday. Will probably be very anxious when its time to go for results. Will tacklemy weight issues starting in a few weeks time, want to give myself a chance to get over this viral infection I've had first.
Waiting for the results is the worst thing isn't it ? No use saying try not to think . I try to keep busy but those worries sneak back in. You just have keep batting them away. Yes I agree that the steroids are pretty good but you get such false energy as well as putting on weight. Today I travelled on an 8 hour bus journey to Dublin changing 4 times in the pouring rain with lots of bags . Even bought a pair of shoes and a jacket after I shopped for food at my last stop . It was then I noticed my very swollen ankles . I was just about to check if I should be worried as its only 2days since chemo ! I came here to to a funeral of an old friend and I'm staying for a week so I hope I don't end up in a different hospital !
When will you hear about your results ? It usually takes at least a week with mine if not more. I will light a candle for you and say a special prayer for you. As I stood in the rain at one of my stops which was at Dublin Airport this evening I looked up and saw words on the spire of little church which is now almost hidden in the huge expansion there and they said " God is love " . They somehow comforted me and reminded me of my youth working at this airport when life was carefree and was never going to end. Now I'm getting too sentimental so I'm going to bed. Anne I wish you only the best of news with your results and that the virus is defeated. I will be watching out .
Well said Molly. Those words resonates with all of us .Iwish you a peaceful and pain free chemo journey . We are all rooting for you and eagerly awaiting your next ode ....
Thank you for your lovely kind words Connie. So far so good so I hope now that the steroids have gone that my Duracell batteries don't run out completely ! I have such energy since Mon catching up with friends in the city . I to realise that any severe reaction will be probably from today . I have just had a lovely long leisurely lunch with an old friend who was diagnosed with endometrial cancer 3 years ago. Luckily diagnosed on time but as its the same chemo she understands . In fact we had a good laugh . Now fingers crossed that those effects stay away long enough for me to meet a few more friends. You have given me an idea on how to stop me thinking too much. I could give my progress now and then in rhyme ! That's if everyone could bear it . Take care
You are really kind to say so. I just wrote another one this afternoon to take my mind off things . It did help just to write. Hope all is well with you.
I was already crying as I read your kind words. I don't think I have words for the way I feel right now. It is all beginning to overcome me . I was with my psychologist yesterday to help me make a major decision . I woke up with my head spinning and have until this afternoon to make a call to ask for a change from one of my team. My treatment has remained at a low dose from the beginning due to my raised creatinine level and that is a major worry for me . I only have 2 more to go so I am dreading scan results. Sorry about the moan Juliette. I haven't put up any post of my own for ages as I wouldn't even know where to begin ! I do try to see the positive side but second time round it's a bit more difficult . I can give positive replies and advice based on my first treatment as it is possible to live fairly normally and hopefully by practicing mindfulness etc. Anyway Juliette I have stopped weeping and must now do something positive like finally having breakfast ! Will keep in touch. Take care
Thanks Debs. Just waiting for a call from the hospital so I hope that I will have some kind of closure on this. It has been immensely stressful and I feel almost totally worn out from talking about it and thinking about it. It is really make my mind up time. I have done the Pros and Cons and it all points to one answer. Will pm you with the outcome. Take care
Thanks for your reply. For various reasons I am very stressed , anxious and generally depressed since I started back on chemo. Chemo ward more crowded than I remember even though nurses are lovely but really walked off their feet. I can't have an increased dose of Carbo due to my increased creatinine levels and that worries me but there is little time to go into detail about my worries. I try to drink the water but find it difficult to keep up the volume I need. It's all very impersonal and then I have to tell myself that I'm not the only one with Cancer and there are other women worse off than me. I am sensitive about sharp or curt answers and as i go alone mostly it feels like intimidation . Anyway my psychologist is helping me to work through it so I hope I get back up to some kind of normality soon. Thanks D for your reply .. Will keep in touch...take care
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Feeling so lost and alone 
Chemo 2 of round 2
Ovacare Dublin "Coffee and Chat" Sat 19 Jan @11am