As divine timing would have it, earlier this year, a 3 part course on ‘Building Sangha’ popped into my inbox. The call of my inner knowing found me signing up without hesitation via ‘Alternatives’ for this trio of 90 minute virtual sessions with Malcom Stern.
Malcolm is a psycho-therapist of 30 years, also the co-founder of Alternatives, teaching groups in both London and internationally.
Sangha is community. More than that, it is part of our sadhana - our psycho-spiritual practise. A space where two or more people come together to practise being with one another. To truly listen.
There were about 30 people who showed up live for the first session on zoom. So not a huge number, small enough to be intimate. How swiftly we can pick up on energy, and allow ourselves to be seen, and others to be held safely in that.
A pivotal moment was me responding to Malcolm’s offering to the wider group to share something personal and to be witnessed. I took the plunge and began speaking quickly and buoyantly, referencing I’d had two kidney transplants, at which point he immediately slowed me down and said, ‘Ok, let’s just mark that. Wow. Two kidney transplants. That’s huge. How does it feel to just look around the group now (on gallery view!) and let yourself be seen in that.’
I felt a shuddering energy move through me. Just 2-3 seconds as I literally sat in that support and looked around to see such compassion in all the eyes kindly witnessing me. It was deeply moving. To be seen. To be held safely.
It is rare to have such compassion in a group setting. This spoke to the kind guidance of Malcolm. If we are honest, how often might we experience that in our own relationships. Because when we feel judged or unsafe, we shut down.
The key qualities of sangha are this. Love, awareness, understanding and compassion. Creating a support structure with a deeply shared common interest. Finding our inner radar. You know when you’re safe.
A recognition of what’s possible. Facing oneself.
After the course finished, I bought Malcolm’s book, ‘Slaying your dragons with compassion.’ A wonderful handbook with such honesty. A beautiful and practical book, to help the reader understand the deeper aspects and how sangha might run in their lives. To reflect upon where are the spaces we feel heard. Where are the spaces we can speak openly and honestly. Big stuff right?
That as with any spiritual practise, that is truthful, the inner work is what moves the dial. We take responsibility for how we show up. And the more we practise showing up fully as who we are, those qualities are mirrored back to us. This in my mind is the practise of self love. That when we open up to compassion for ourselves, we are able to hold that safely for others.
Sangha asks that we step into a circle of sacred space. Where there is no judgement or shaming. Where we are not interrupted. Where the listener is present and not reacting, even with affirming facial gestures or making noises. That is not deep listening. Allowing our faces to be neutral and our bodies grounded. Wholly listening.
Be kind in reflecting on this for yourself. What is the sangha that already exists for you? What does that look and feel like for you? What is missing? Where are the gaps? Where do you shut down? This is recognising triggers. Unresolved trauma that bubbles up. Reinforcing habitual patterns that enslave.
After the first session, we were given homework to choose one person your instincts says there is a potential relationship to develop and expand. And to reach out to that person. Someone immediately popped into my mind and I did reach out. And we have been travelling together since March in regular sangha. Honest sharings on how we feel. Themes that may be coming up for us, and that practise of listening with presence. Not listening to respond and give advice. We listen and then reflect back. This is very different.
So for you, who might you reach out to and begin a journey of sangha. That in itself can be a big piece of the inner journey. Or perhaps for now, it is allowing yourself to notice how you do listen. Or not! Are you embodied in conversation or are you listening just to respond with your own view.
So much to explore. The depth of our inner well.
It is so important in these times that we keep remembering who we are. Beyond the charge of narrative and wounds. Always an ongoing discovery. To be you. You are allowed to be yourself. Always. In all ways.
I leave you for now with an adapted note from the I Ching.
Until we reach a certain stage in our evolution not only do we need the support of others of like mind, we have a duty to seek that support.
Wishing you safe harbour within your own Self. And the courage to keep diving into what it is to be human in this great cosmic universe.
In warmth and munay,
Ciara
