STOP NOW

[J1707-]

Please can people stop arguing with each other when people reach out for help. This doesn’t help the poor person who needs help and empathy. I feel EMPATHY is lacking on this site which is supposed to help and support each other. People are leaving which is a shame as this site has helped me in the past especially when I was first diagnosed. I have made some wonderful friends on here but feel the tone is changing . People are put off from posting or asking from help due to people’s rather crass comments or diversion from the original post.

[Eiram50]

oh! I’ve been on this site for a few years and have always found people sympathetic and extremely helpful. It would feel sad and disappointing if this was changing 💜

[Madmusiclover]

I would suggest reporting your concerns to the moderators of the site. I have.

[AgedCrone in reply to Madmusiclover]

The moderator has sorted it…as will be obvious in a few days.

[skinnycappuccino]

Thank you so much for this! I haven't been posting much lately for exactly that reason.

[welsh12]

Haven't noticed any posts like that and found replys helpful fairly new here but do check in most days but I am tough old boot years of working with people who are direct.

[Spanelmad]

I agree@ I sometimes think twice when posting as it seems 'clickie' and unkind at times.Well done for speaking out

[helixhelix]

I’ve been here for 13 years…so does that mean I’m part of the clique you are complaining about?

I’ve not picked up on anything recently, but am not here as much these days. But you should tell admins either via report or private message if there are posts that you think are exclusive..

[Deeb1764 in reply to helixhelix]

I did not read this as a clique more if someone has posted and obviously distressed or anxious over an event, that if others start a lively but fractious debate that veers away from the original post that they remove themselves from that post and discuss privately rather than add a potential stress to the original post person who is looking for assistance.

🥰

[AgedCrone in reply to helixhelix]

No HH you are not guilty ….the person named the clique they were talking about & included me by name.

But the post that started the confusion was taken down very early in the game, and a lot of people were replying to the replies not the actual post about the PIP interview! Hence it looked as if people were being unkind but they weren’t!

[Sheila_G]

I have been on this site for many years and the vast majority of people are very supportive and helpful. Yes, there are the odd ones who are full of their own importance. I used to get upset but I now filter and ignore what I don't like. This site is so important to so many people and it is so sad to hear that people are leaving. I hope you stay with us. I do think that texting or emailing can be very difficult ways of expressing oneself as there is no inflexion, no facial expression, no voice awareness and things can very easily be misinterpreted. Perhaps, we should all take a moment before we send a message, to read it through and read it as a recipient will read it. Be kind. xx

[Jackie1947]

I had to check I was on the correct site as I didn't understand what you are referring to. Have I missed something. I've been a member since 2013. I'm not clicky and I support people and they support me. If you have concerns refer them to Admin instead of making assumptions .

[AgedCrone in reply to Jackie1947]

The original post was taken down…& that was what caused the confusion,

[allanah]

I only post or come on now occasionally for that reason.

[LinaM]

Try not to let this get you down J1707. I find it upsetting too when someone just won’t let it go and argues against a persons own experiences and feelings. I find it’s best to just dip in and out of the forum and ignore any comments by them. I think everyone on here is trying to help … even the “ snippy” types who think they know everything . Sending you a hug xx

[medway-lady]

I’m sure we all know what is being referred to and may I just say my first post was empathetic, sympathetic and objective it was following that that someone saw fit to go off tangent. We have no way of knowing if someone is sad or as I read it angry and distressed so I sought to reassure and help the OP because no one should be put off applying for any benefit because someone reinforces a belief that the DWP are out to get people and that some as a result commit suicide. I’m not sorry for challenging that if it helps another person to try to get a benefit that they need. Benefits are complex and could be distressing to be asked questions but was that to help process the form? The fact is I don’t know, which is why I replied to say it isn’t personal or out of curiosity that an assessor has to ask questions and that I hoped the applicant was successful. I did not support the DWP nor did I in any way say anything to distress the OP and am happy to ask the NRAS to repost my original reply. So please do not form any opinions without reading the thread in order with its timeline.

[sylvi]

Well said darling. xxxxxx

[Nikki_55]

Couldnt agree more... thank you for bringing attention to this

[Stills]

The thought of upsetting or offending a fellow is making me scared to post now

[Deeb1764]

don’t be afraid to post that’s not what it was about 🥰

[AgedCrone]

Don’t make too much of what went on ….that post got mixed up…& most replies were not directed at the person who started it….who was so upset .l think most people who read it from the beginning understood that..nobody was being unkind……they just joined in & got the wrong idea.

It has been dealt with now……so let’s get over it & return to normality.

Nobody should be worried about getting an unkind reception here

[wilbertjellyfish]

Apologies now if I have ever "said" something to offend, definitely not my intention.Have been thinking on this post past day and feel a bit paranoid about it.

This is the difficulty with writing replies, there is no tone and it's easy to misinterpret intent. A bit like social media.

I've found everyone so helpful and sympathetic and supportive so really sorry if I'm the problem. I hope someone would say.

Thanks to everyone, you've helped me a lot.

[KittyJ in reply to wilbertjellyfish]

Not you at all wilbert it’s sad this post has made you feel you’ve done something. 😔

[Kags1068 in reply to KittyJ]

I'd just like to briefly say Kitty that I did feel it was very unfair that you were dragged into the offending post from a couple of days ago, when it clearly had nothing to do with you and you hadn't responded to it in any way. I hope you don't mind me just saying that. 😊

[Kags1068 in reply to wilbertjellyfish]

Hi Wilbert

Just had to add a quick response. Please don't think this has anything to do with you, or anything you've ever said. I've always found your responses to be helpful and friendly. I think the very fact you've spent time worrying about it clearly indicates that you, (like the vast majority of members), would be horrified to think you had inadvertently caused any offence (which you haven't)!!

I believe this post was written in response to a particular post from a few days ago (which has now thankfully been removed). You probably didn't see this, but if you had, it would have given you more context.

Please carry on posting and responding.

Best wishes 😊

[wilbertjellyfish in reply to Kags1068]

Thanks. In real life some people find me abrupt. I do tend to speak my mind. 🙈

[Kags1068 in reply to wilbertjellyfish]

You're welcome. I think the point here is, if that is the case for you (and I certainly don't know if you're just being hard on yourself), you are aware of it, clearly reflect on it, and perhaps even try to bear that in mind when responding and dealing with people, etc and therefore think before you speak? I suppose that's what all of us try to do to a degree, isn't it - we try to judge what support a person may need at a particular time, and what they may want to hear at any given time? Not that anyone is perfect and can always get everything right (that goes for me, anyway)!!🙄

I felt (and I could be wrong), this post was expressing frustration on the occasions this doesn't perhaps happen as well as it could, and some responses given can (not necessarily deliberately), be a bit mis-judged or ill-timed. (I'm trying to be very delicate as yes, don't want to offend anyone)!!

I hope that kind of makes sense 😊

[LinaM in reply to wilbertjellyfish]

It’s like when you see a police car with blue lights flashing coming up behind you … you think “ oh no! what have I done wrong!!!??” Then breathe a huge sigh of relief when they pass ahead 😅

[wilbertjellyfish in reply to LinaM]

They don’t always pass. 🙈😂 however playing with my earrings in a nervous fashion has gotten me out of the occasional scrape.

[LinaM in reply to wilbertjellyfish]

😂

[Hisue]

I've been helped so much by people on this site (I have severe RA).

The only things that really perturb me are when people give INCORRECT, "know it all", glib, or sarcastic replies, just because they have RA.

I posted a question when very distressed & was told by a participant, "to my knowledge, there is no link between depression & RA". Totally WRONG & then she was SO insulted when I told her she was wrong. Another member informed me that I had posted a similar question several years ago! Then a few "clique buddies" hopped on, attacked me & acted like I was a dumb, psycho, malcontent (e.g.,"I hope she gets the help (mental & anti-depressants) that she needs.").

So I don't post much anymore.

There are many well educated members here: so don't post info unless it's valid. (And don't act all insulted if misinformation is pointed out.) "Facts not feelings."/Ben Shapiro

[Hiplucy]

I have no idea what prompted this thread, but I'll just add my two cents. I am in the US, but I come to this site because I am encouraged by the humor and can-do attitude of so many who post here. I am 70 years old and grew up in a family in which we were kind and understanding but not encouraged to whine. When I read comments here of people who are enduring unspeakable pain but still find reasons to laugh, it gives me hope. I spent a little time in the UK not too long ago and was impressed by an elderly woman who as a child had been sent to the US during World War II. She didn't whine about how traumatic it was; she simply described her experiences. So many message boards like this one in the US do not have members who laugh in the face of adversity. I love you all.