My private rheumy appointment is due on Friday evening and I'm feeling pretty tearful. After my last rheumy was so dismissive I feel really anxious about this meeting. It's like a cloud of depression and fear is sitting on my shoulder. Unfortunately this happened at my last appointment too and it makes it very difficult to think and communicate clearly with the consultant. On one hand I feel like if I make like an ostrich perhaps I can continue without taking the scary drugs. On the other hand I know I'm currently living a half life and the longer this goes on the worse the damage to my joints could be. The pain in my hands is bad right now and my feet are even worse. Perhaps it's because I'm feeling stressed? The icing on the cake is the DWP phoned last night and I need to attend my ESA medical next week.
I like to think of positive things too for my blogs so I am pleased to say my diet is still going well and I've now lost 26lbs. I threw out lots of clothes yesterday as they're all to big..yay! I've started swimming again for the first time in about 5 years. I also tried cycling last week but am building up the courage to go again as for days after I felt like I'd been kicked by a horse in the vajayjay!