Malcolm passed away feeling lost

My husband passed away on the 8th July 2016 on Our 49th Wedding Anniversary. I have two really helpful friends and of course family but feeling lost. I know it is early days. My brain is like two halves, one half knows exactly what is goin on and the other not accepting anything. Anyone been in this boat who can offer some on-going advice welcome. I do believe self-help is vital.

26 Replies

  • So sorry for you loss I known how you feel I lost my husband in 2013 we were childhood sweethearts they say it gets better and I know that's true but there is now a part of me that also gone take on day so a time and slowly the tears will turn to smiles take care

  • Thanks. I help others but so hard when you are the one so to speak.

  • Hi Beauty,

    Really sorry to hear your of loss. When my Dad passed away the hardest thing my mum found was coming home from town shopping and not having someone at home to share with details of who she met, chatted to etc (they had also been married 49 yrs ).

    Take care


  • Yes it is uncannily quiet. He was in hospital for the last 5 weeks.

  • Really feel for you. So hard when someone you love so much is gone. I don't think you do 'get over it' 'come to terms with it' I think you learn to live beside grief. You'll get sunny days or sunny times make the most of them & when the clouds come do whatever it takes to make you feel a little better. Be kind to yourself take care x

  • You never get over it darling,you just learn to live with it. Just remember your darling hubby is always with you in spirit,in the whistling of the wind,the brightness of the sun and with the snow in winter he will always be by your side darling.xxxxcx

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum died just before Christmas and my dad had looked after her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the last 7 years so I know he would have been where you are now. As Sylvi said, you never get over it, you just learn to live with it and gradually, over time, you will start to remember and treasure the good times. Thinking of you now and will remember you in my prayers. Clemmie

  • Ĺost my husband of 48 year's on 14th February. So sorry for your loss. In I t c at moment so limited , but am improving so please contact me when and if. The pain doesn't go away. ....just take one day at a time. I know how you feel , like your right hand has been chopped off. Don't have unrealistic expectations of yoouself just deal with the here and now and accept help offered. Best wishes M xx

  • Dear Beauty,

    How sad, my sincere condolences. I know exactly how you feel. I was 41 years old when my wife passed away on cardiac arrest in 2001. She was only 35 years old.

    The first year was a rollercoaster of emotions. Just as you say, there is left a half part.

    It is difficult, but you have to go through the emotions. Cry if you want to, scream if you want, laugh when you want to without feeling guilty! It is lovely to have caring people around you. But stay close to yourself, I tried to be strong at the begining and comforted the people around me more than myself. I learned that was a way to keep the grief away of myself. Of course it is different for every individual. Try to enjoy the little moments, and grief when you feel down, talk with you friends how you feel!

    Most important, take your time! It is one of the most emotionally things which can happen in your life!

    Wish you a lots of love! Xxxxxx

    If you have questions of want to talk feel free to write me!

    I hope you understand my English because I am Dutch!


  • Thanks Bas and yes I love the Dutch and the Netherlands and my honeymoon was in Alkmaar, where we lived in Essex it was cheaper to come to the Netherlands and shop than it was to London. Not Dutch, but when my youth Club did their GOLD Duke of Edinburgh's award they cycled round the Netherlands. Leystad is where there is a copy of their project.

  • I lost my husband in 1991, left with two children who needed me. I still miss him everyday but the pain is less. I had to keep working full time caring for others, still felt very lonely. Friends and family were really good to me but at the end of the day they go home. I'm so sorry for your loss, it will take a long time. You will feel ok after a while and something one day will bring it all back with a bang. It is hard to have no one to talk to in those small hours at night. It's too soon to say get back out there with friends but do accept invitations out for coffee etc. We are always here for you xx

  • Hi beauty96,

    so sorry to hear about your loss. It must be so hard after being with someone for so long. I know that you will find much comfort on this site.

    Regards and best wishes

    Beverley (NRAS Helpline)

  • Yes I do, we all help each other and that is great.

  • Hi beauty, just read your post and I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be awful and I have no idea how I would cope . Hold your friends tight xx lots of love X

  • I'm just catching up & left a reply on your meadow tick post. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news Glennis. I don't have any pearls of wisdom I'm afraid but sending you much love. xxx

  • Thank you

  • Hi I lost my husband 9 years ago, I was 39 and it really felt as if the world had fallen apart. Everybody told me that time was a healer and it was but it was a slow hard slog. I still miss him now and always will although I have met someone else. I think eventually your life goes on, and you just get used to the pain and grief - somehow your life becomes bigger than the grief, although the grief doesn't get smaller, if that makes sense. My only advice is to take each day at a time, look after yourself and accept help wherever and whenever it's offered. I tended to say yes to every invite even if I didn't feel like going, because it really helped me. Take care x

  • Thank you

  • So sorry to hear about your husband. Just before I read your post I had been watching Prince Harry on the BBC news saying how important it is to talk about your loss. I didn't see the whole report but I think he was talking about people who can help. Might be worth looking at the BBC website to find out more. I think there is a tendency to think we should be able to cope on our own and of course that is not so. I know that our local hospice has a counselling service to help people cope with bereavement. Anyway that is something for after the next few days. Will be thinking of you.

  • Thank you

  • So sorry to hear of your loss, my mum passed away this year, she moved in over 25 years ago with me, due to her I'll health. Over time we became very close, no not the same as the loss of a husband,

    But I still talk to her and talk about her and yes end up more often than not in tears, I Feel it helps me get used to her not being here, and some times I find it reminds me of happy times and cherished memories

    You are right about self help, we all need to deal with the loss of a loved one in are own way and in are own time

    Wishing you well and hopeing that you are finding your way

  • thank you

  • Sorry for your lost of your husband

  • thank you

  • Oh I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. You are going to feel lost and confused for a time. That's OK. Take all the time you need. Having a soulmate for 49 years is something to celebrate and cherish <3 . In time you will remember your time together without the gut wretching painful tears. Please allow yourself to heal. You will smile again when you think of Malcolm. Just allow yourself to grieve.

    All my love


  • Thank you.

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