This illness can destroy relationships even very strong ones

It brings on so many other things exhaustion depression anger

Loneliness due to the pain , especially when you get fibromyalgia as well

No one tells you this You just learn it by experience. I guess everyone's experience varies

Something should be done to include your partner in your appointments so they can get an understanding of what you go through

The depression destroys relationships

Not being believed when you say I can't do that anymore

Not being believed when you can't remember things or people's names , even your children's partners names because of fog

Not remembering that you met someone before 😞

Not being believed when you are too exhausted to do anything

Not being able to do DIY or clean the house

People tearing in to you as you don't look disabled so should not have a blue badge but they don't see you trying to get out of the car or in it

They just see you walking to it

Being ripped apart on the tube by other passengers as you don't give up your seat to someone else, but you just cannot stand or hang on to the poles as you are in such pain and would fall You don't want to wear your wrist supports as you are smartly dressed up for business

Not being believed that you can't carry the coffee in Costa to the table as you might drop it as it is a bad day for your wrists and hands

Losing your job as you cannot do it anymore due to the pain as 4 hours driving to appointments and back is excruciating , plus the employers don't want you going off ill So you become angry and negative

All these things destroy you and the people around you

So maybe partners should be included from the beginning so they will get an Insight on you , why you are and what you are

So much more to this illness than just damaged joints

Just saying , not a rant 😊

Just help the new ones being diagnosed Too late for some of us 😐

More awareness is needed I guess


9 Replies

  • Hi David...sounds like you may be having a tough time of it. All what you are saying resonates with me as im sure it does with most of us!!! I ended up in A&E last week after pouring boiling water over my hands at work last week whilst making tea in my grip just went from nowhere!! Also I fused 7 computers last week at work when my grip went again and I spilt my drink.....Oops 😞. Thankfully my work colleagues covered for me!! I've had some tough times with my partner too coming to terms with my condition, things are getting better but it's not perfect and I know it's frustrating for him too. Hope you feel better for letting it out and I agree much more awareness is's an extremely misunderstood condition. X

  • It's a shear lack of understanding. My ex asked if it made me feel sick??? Jeeeeez I wish that's all it was. I asked him to read up on RA and his reply was he's better off not knowing so he tamained ignorant the four years I was with him. A lot of people just hear the arthritas and think it's nothing

  • I am always always being told how well I look, My body itself is screaming in pain some days, I have always said if I was in plaster people would see that you are not to good, Been there had all those responses, just try and weather it all, after all you , and only you know the pain and discomfort, we all differ with this disease,

    You look after yourself x😂

  • I could not agree more. Also the pain and suffering that partners have in looking after someone with these awful conditions is often over looked. My wife has been a rock, but even she say's it's tested her resolve.

  • One of the things that helped me was going on a chronic disease self management course - a six week course paid for by the NHS but run by volunteers who have a long-term condition.

    Being in a group where everyone had similar problems made me realise just how much denial I used - and how little of my condition I communicated to others. Now I am more up-front about telling people I have a problem. If they don't believe me -that's their problem. Not good at it yet, but improving and my partner understands more about how variable things can be.

  • I fully agree with what you have said I have sero positive RA but so far nothing else by putting this post you have made a very good point if only I knew when I was first told I had RA I would have had my wife with me she is my rock and I should tell her more just how much of a rock she is it has affected your job as well but it seems to me no matter how many times they knock you down you keep getting up you have my respect mate


  • Hi David, it's such a shame you have gone through that and it's extremly kind of you to aarn others of this problem.

    I initially didn't tell my hubby how I felt but he is very astute and can tell just from my face. I went to my first NRAS meeting as I noticed it talked about work and benefits in one session, one of my biggest worries!

    There were loads of people who ( yep I'm gonna say it, looked well!) I wasn't expecting that, the jokes flew and everyone was very supportive.

    But half way through my emotions got the better of me and I burst into tears and needed answers to loads of questions.

    My hubby bless him, I'll not forget what he looked like, lost upset and frightened.

    But the lovely Eleanor and her husband came over and she spoke with me whilst her husband spoke with mine and we both have had so much support from nras since then, if you have a local group I would recommend what mine has been like.

    I hope things improved soon and thanks for sharing x

  • I have to say that I am blessed with my spouse. He tries to understand how I'm feeling each day. And he will always go with me if I want him to when I go to the rheumy appointments. It's interesting though, even the rheumy seemed to take me more seriously when my husband went with me and when he chimed in about how badly I was feeling. I'm sorry you have been through so much. And thank you for sharing your feelings with us! It takes courage to do that. :-)

  • As Dobsey and many others have said above, the emotional impact of RA and its effect on relationships is not something that is often talked about. We always try to encourage family/friends to go along to NRAS group meetings or self management courses (if there is one in your area). Do also look at our 'emotions, relationships and sexuality booklet' which we launched last year:

    Don't forget that our Helpline team are always available to talk to on 0800 298 7650 (mon-Fri 9.30-4.30pm) or email

    Best wishes


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