How do I do this?

[Azabat]

I've taken a sleeping pill but my body is wide awake with pain. My hands and knees are driving me crazy, just hot and crackling with it. I went out walking today, and perhaps over-did it, but I have no reason why my hands should hurt so, except to show solidarity. Can't sleep, but I'm not completely awake, either, I just want it all to STOP. I don't want my body to be the enemy any more! Typing hurts, but so does not typing. Sulfa is starting to make my stomach hurt, to boot. I feel like a bundle of short-circuiting wires, and every thing I do makes sparks. I'm so tired of this, tired of hurting, tired of coping, and I'm still in my first year! incoherent cussing ensues...

Bats

(and getting battier)

[sylvi]

Hugs darling i so understand where your coming from darling. I have wished the same as well.xxxx

[Victoria-NRAS Partner Moderator NRAS]

Hi Azabat

I seem to remember you had an awful night where you couldn't sleep not that long ago. If you've had a busy day that might be a part of it, but if you seem to be getting a lot of flares lately do bring this up with the rheumatology team.

I hope you managed to get some sleep after this post.

Kind regards

Victoria

(NRAS)

[Azabat in reply to Victoria-NRAS]

I talk to the rheumy tomorrow. I do have some sleep meds available, but that doesn't help much during the day. I think I need to emphasize my gp's need for input on pain control. I certainly feel like the flares don't stop, just ebb for perhaps a day and then come back full bore. Thanks for the input, I will be assertive

[Lisashoemad]

Gentle (((hugs)))) hope you managed to get sum zzzZzZz after , i'm a 100% with you in spirit, my body seems to be doing the exact same thing all the time, wish we had a miracle magic wand...lisa x

[Jora]

Yup . I do understand. I overdid it on Saturday, in the leg department. Just like you, the next morning I was flaring everywhere . I cd barely get to the loo and couldn't brush my teeth till around noon. my days seem to get shorter and shorter. Fir what it's worth, you have my empathy.

Good Morneving

Jo xx

[artyone]

hi ive been awake since 2. i didnt know you can get hot. im 12 years menoupaue. at night in bed my fingers and toes feel red hot inside. my calfs i can feel little twiches like blood pumping. is this RA? im not on tablets i wont take them. im always poorly on meds.hope you all have a good day.

[Azabat in reply to artyone]

I haven't hit menopause yet, but my RA definitely feels like heat in my hands and feet. I know I get muscle twitches when my sodium levels are low, but I can't speak for whether that's RD activity or not. It sounds like something to bring up, with a doctor, though, because it can be something as simple as a mineral deficiency.

[Azabat]

I had an epiphany today. I need to come to some sort of terms with RD that doesn't include hating it. Hating the disease can turn too easily into hating my body and then hating me. I know it must be possible - I've come to terms with so many painful things in my life. I think I still believe, deep underground in my subconscious, that I have somehow made this happen. Or, even worse, that I am malingering or making it up. My subconscious has some pretty mucky places that I try not to visit. I have to believe it's possible to find peace and purpose. If pain isn't my enemy, what is it? I know, I'm excessively rhetorical tonight, but I refuse to believe that this disease is all I am.

[pdp1134 in reply to Azabat]

RD is part of who we are, it defines us and gives us a unique and useful perspective to understand others in pain.

I am not happy with my pain or the complicated management of the disease and the burden it puts on my wife, but I embrace how RD has made me a better person.