i am smoking

[nsd_user663_57918]

my choice and it tastes foul but at this moment in time I need a friend and these fags seem to be the only thing that give me a reason to live.

I have been so ill that my depressed state is more powerful than anything I have ever encountered.

my life is lacking life and taking ad's is just not an option so I have used exercise to lift my spirit but this vertigo has put a block on walking since last thurs. since last thurs I have been either confined to bed laid flat or sat staring at a wall. cant read, cant watch tv, cant use internet for more than 5 mins. meds haven't worked and yes I have tried with them. gp said I am not allowed to try any others as they all seem to have ill effects on me so basically I am stumped. all I can think is that maybe in a year or so when my journey with mum has been walked then I can rough it out without her seeing what a weak willed coward I truly am. Thank you for all your help over the past 2 months and good luck to everyone

[nsd_user663_57918]

Thanks Teflon

I cant take ad's as I had a severe reaction to them 2 yrs ago which left me with dystonia for life so its been a hard battle. I probably chose the wrong time to quit again and I also need to look deep into my home life as I think its a unhappy one. xx

[nsd_user663_63114]

so sorry to hear this. it is so hard to quit and your life sounds so hard atm. wish i could support you more elegantly like some of the folk here can. think your post has struck a punch in my stomach as have got a bit flippant with all the success this forum has had, and now, when things are going bad, this happens. thoughts are with you xxx

[nsd_user663_2681]

Sorry to hear this hun but I can completely empathise, I too have suffered nearly all my life with anxiety and depression so I know how debilitating it is, I joined briefly in 2008 didn't come on for 4 years and since 2012 I have been on here pretty much constantly, trying to quit this dreadful habit, you are not alone flower and even though my next line is not appreciated by some I will say it... "Don't beat yourself up" when life gets tough we turn to what we think will help and sometimes, you know what? It does.... So my advice is get well speak again to your GP and try again when you feel stronger, big hugs xxx

[nsd_user663_57259]

I'm so sorry to hear all this. You poor thing! Life just isn't fair sometimes. Don't beat yourself up about it though. When the time is right you will succeed. In the meantime I really hope you start feeling better and that things start looking up for you.

Big hugs

Sarah

[nsd_user663_62886]

Gerti,

You just do what feels best for YOU right now. Sending you lots of hugs xxxx

[nsd_user663_42220]

So sorry to hear this Gerti, but given the circumstances you really shouldn't be hard on yourself about it.

I really hope things get better for you soon

Why don't you keep posting on here anyway, for friendship, company, advice, motivation - whatever!

You never know, you might want to try again sooner than you think

In the meantime, take good care of yourself.