I,ve lost it

[nsd_user663_59644]

Well I have let my self down, been and bought ten cigs, smoked one, binned the rest.

Not only am I struggling with my eye, my grandson being to little, my son with his arms stil not right after he got his accident, also gave my notice in at work two weeks ago, dad dying, still struggling with mums death, and my steers nasty accident,

But have found out earlier to day my oh has been having a affair, that was what tipped me over the edge.

So I,m sat here on my own, binned the rest.

I just feel like my world has fell apart.

Sorry for the rant.

[nsd_user663_60964]

Oh flipping 'eck Tracey....I don't know what to say other than referee. What more can life possibly throw at you? So, so sorry to hear this....

Huge virtual hugs heading your way from me my dear girl...

[nsd_user663_57918]

I am so so sorry to read this Tracey. Have you got a close friend you can call on? You really do need support right now x

[Hidden]

As if life wasn't tough enough - to then have to deal with infidelity on top. I agree that you really shouldn't be alone tonight if you can avoid it. Totally insufficient I know, but lots of virtual positive thoughts and hugs coming your way from Kent. You haven't let yourself down, you have been let down by the person you should have been able to trust to support you.

[nsd_user663_60964]

Tracey, can I third what Tea & Gerti have said? You need a real (rather than virtual) shoulder at the moment....and I'm with Kent too- you're the one who has been let down...

[nsd_user663_59644]

No I.ve abandoned people since my eye, much to my friends annoyance. But that's what I wanted, I thought he was was my rock

So upset at the moment, but I will be ok, I just can't believe it.

It's One thing buying a bottle of wine . But to smoke half a fag. Stupid.

Can speak to my sister as her brain injury, has made her life so difficult.

She's doing well, but a brain injury us just that , it changes you.

Will be ok, blimey cannot believe I smoked half a fag stupid.

[nsd_user663_62886]

Tracey I'm so sorry to hear about all that rubbish that's been happening to you. Can't get much worse than that and I'm sending you a massive hug. You aren't stupid or haven't let anyone down. I think you are just amazing. Please don't do this alone and like everyone else you need to talk about this to a friend. Wishing that things get better really soon for you. Xxx

[Sally6]

Oh Tracey I am so sorry to hear what a tough time you are having. We're all here for you, but I agree with everybody here you need a real person right now. What a strong lady you are to have only had half, most people would have chain smoked their way through 20. You've not let anybody down, you are an absolute star looking after everybody on this forum. Be kind to yourself, take care and sending you lots of hugs. xx

[nsd_user663_59644]

Well although I,m soooo upset and my world has changed, I will be ok.

I have15 grand I need to change this into a business, all I know is, my job is diamond and gem stones, done that for twenty years. But am a really keen cook! and I so enjoy that.

I need to turn that cash into a business ? I need to focus.i need to turn this around, she can have him, he's a work aholic, nothing to be taking calls at two in the morning, maybe a dozen calls on a Sunday.

So need to make a living, but how? Open to suggestions

[nsd_user663_59644]

Just soooo upset, but I can't go back, with the best intentions I always said if my oh did a naughty it would not be the end of my marriage, bug he did a naughty at my sisters wedding, sooooo

I need to make a living bug jeez how

Sorry for ranting, that bloody half fag

[nsd_user663_40405]

I hope things get better for you, make sure you are thinking straight and have a plan before deciding to throw £15k at something.

[nsd_user663_2681]

Awww lovely Tracey, what an utter swine... On top of everything else too, to be honest half a fag is neither here nor there.... Whereabouts are you? If you are in or near Bristol you can come to me for a coffee rant and hug and that's the truth I will PM you my mobile in case you want to chat or text, your not alone lovely lady xxxxx

[nsd_user663_59644]

THANKYOU, will be off the forum foe a while as need to organise my self, get som where to live, job etc , many thanks

Be back soon, won't smoke . Stay happy

[nsd_user663_59644]

THANKYOU all, I,m ok, so very sorry for the rant, I to be honest just lost it, and I just typed, my personal life for one and all to see, how stupid.

Anyways I,m ok, I,m not normally one for spilling my situations, just one to many to handle I guess.

But please I am ok, and I will move on, on the plus I,ve not smoked and I guess old habits,!!!! I literally really smoked a couple of puffs, what a idiot.

[nsd_user663_60964]

Dear Tracey

Don't feel you HAVE to be OK will you? I do understand about not wanting to air your personal life in public but we're here if needed and you're welcome to PM me at any time...

As for the puffs, forget it- it's past and (as we've all said) under the circumstances it's a wonder you didn't smoke 20 back to back and down a bottle of vodka whilst you were at it. I probably would have done.

All the very best to you and I hope you're being properly supported..??

[nsd_user663_42220]

Before you play this video Tracey, I want you to do something for me when it's playing.

Close your eyes and imagine you are in a dark hall. You can't see anything and you feel all alone.

You stand there for a good while and feel utterly helpless, not knowing what to do or what the future holds for you.

You almost feel in total despair, probably how you are feeling now.

Keep those eyes closed.

Suddenly, through the darkness, you can hear the harmonies of a gospel choir beginning to sing. After the introduction, the choir all start clapping in time to the music and soft spotlights illuminate the stage.

You look up, and as your eyes adjust to the warm glow, you see it is the BHF quit smoking forum choir singing to you.

They keep singing and clapping in time to the music but you still feel low.

Gradually, still singing and clapping, they come down off the stage and surround you, enveloping you in a musical group hug as they offer their help to you, as you have offered help to so many people in the past.

As the song draws to a close, they hope you realise that you are not alone, you do have friends and people who care for you and that will help you if, when and how you want to be helped.

Do you still have your eyes closed? Can you feel the love and warmth towards you from everyone on the forum?

Lean on us

Now play the video and do the above

vhwiYThNZDM

[nsd_user663_59644]

Omg just makes me cry, I am heavily involved with a couple of homeless gents at the moment, I so remember saying, we are all omly two pay days away from being homeless, jeez I think that's me.

I soo need to be able to move on, but for now I,m a tad upset, I need to find a way to move on.

Such a giggle, made loads of bread in the night, rosemary and garlic, sun dried tomatoe, blooming stupid, any ways it passed time.

I soooo THANKYOU you all, your amazing, and I THANKYOU

[nsd_user663_57918]

I cant sing that well but I've got big ear oles and can sort of dance a little. I am here at your service xx

[hellerscatch]

What an awful start to the year, am so sorry to hear your news, will be thinking of you x

[nsd_user663_61170]

How awful for you Tracy , a big virtual hug from me X

[nsd_user663_60655]

Hi Tracey

You Warrior! That is what you have become with all this adversity. Please don't feel bad about you having done anything wrong for all these things to come your way. Smoking was one of them. In the scheme of things, sure, it is awful that you did, but hey, appreciate there there is a lot of s*** piled up on your front lawn.

Perhaps just take it all in and laugh because when everything seems to be going wrong, you kind of raise your arms and capitulate. Today, you sit down and take stock..... and on the list is 'cigarettes/smoking'. Tick.... you lit up on a moment of madness/desperation, yes = forgiven/forgotten = move on........ i.e., don't beat yourself up about it; it happened and you got upset, hence canceled itself out (longing vs regret). How you handle from your next breath onwards is what matters!!

That you took smoking again to heart, means you don't want to smoke again. Believe in YOUSELF, for whatever people will have you believe about yourself (usually a litany of BS to bolster themselves), you are made of sterner stuff than you think.

Be strong, look forward and not backward. Believe that you will prevail and you will.

God bless

Firefly

[nsd_user663_60964]

Tracey, just wanted to say the bread sounds fab

Seriously, what about setting up your own catering business? Perhaps having a stall at some local farmers markets would be a way of testing the waters?