A tad early, but I am overjoyed to have reached 365 days smoke free and I can’t wait for 9pm to post! It hasn’t always been easy, but it is now and the way I feel today I can’t ever see myself ever going back.
There are so many of you, without whom, I don’t really think I would be here today, and I am thankful to each and every one of you – most of you know who you are and you have my eternal gratitude for your wise words and just being here when I needed you, some who haven’t a clue what they have done for me but just by posting their own struggles, victories and regrettable failures, have put my own selfish mutterings into perspective and turned me into such a focused, yet sweeter smelling version of the old stinky me.
I have just been looking back at some of my earlier posts – boy was I needy!, and in the later posts I am laughing at myself as I see how excited I became at every milestone – I clearly remember getting so excited at six weeks I posted a day early, then the afternoon I had an impossibly long crave and the intense desire to go and plant one on the boss after his usual crass insensitivity hit a nerve, and how much I really wanted to smoke when I lost one of my birds – of course the feeling didn’t last long but it really did reinforce how easy it would have been to let this all go just because the old me always used to puff away like a chimney whenever I was upset, that episode really put the want/need question into perspective for me – as much as I wanted to smoke, it would not have changed what happened or how I felt and I didn’t really need it, this meant I was able to rationalise my yearning.
I am now turning my newly found resolve to my weight and size issues, I may not have lost a huge amount of weight over the last two months but I have lost an amazing 15.5 inches, now I’m starting to see results I am overwhelmed with a feeling of déjà vu – just like when I started noticing the benefits of not smoking made me even keener to stay quit – I’m getting the same steely focus to fight the flab – that and the rush I get at the end of every work out!
To use a cliché, this really has been an incredible journey from addict to freedom, and as much as I never want to see those early days again, I would not change any of it, I’m glad the early days were as tough as they were, I honestly believe I may have started again if I hadn’t had to work so hard to stay smoke free, now I appreciate how life is so much better, I’m calmer, I don’t clock watch at work but am getting the job done faster as my concentration has improved so much, I love my food even more than before and am keen to try all sorts of new foods (hence the poundage lol) I buy fresh flowers every week as I love the fragrance throughout the house, I have the biggest collection of beautiful smelling shower gels you could imagine – every morning I play eeny meeny miny mo to find out which particular flower and precious gem I’m going to smell like, now I have a long leisurely shower every morning, I take my time getting ready and even have breakfast before I leave, the complete opposite of before when I would cram in three fags, two coffees and a two minute rinse under the showerhead as I knew once I got to work I had to wait for lunchtime to have a fag, then I would cram another three in whilst scoffing down and not tasting my food – now lunch is an occasion to be savoured.
I really could go on but I see some of you have fallen asleep already, so I will just say, thank you again and I am so excited to have reached the penthouse.