Day 35

I now have enough days under my belt for me to realise that I no longer fit into the category of a smoker, which I obviously used to be. I am a non- smoker. It feels right, new, weird and normal all at the same time - but it also feels like a relief.

I have just got back from a surreal and devastating 3 weeks of commuting to and from my friend's whose husband's funeral was on Friday. Now I've stopped being responsible for all the practical arrangements, the grief and exhaustion has truly hit like a merciless juggernaut but the last thing I want to do now is smoke to change the feelings. I've been surrounded by chain smokers and yesterday, I nearly hit what I call the ('scuse the language) Eff-It button - you know, that one where you finally just cannot take anymore of anything.

But I'm so glad I didn't. And I have no idea how or why I didn't. I think part of it was because I know I have the forum - or the choice, anyway, to use it. It's like a safety backdrop for me. And I know that if I had capitulated, that I still would be welcome back with open arms to get straight back on the horse with no judgement or retribution.

So thanks guys. Normally I would be reading everyone's posts and encouraging the freshly started but I feel like all the stuffing has been knocked out of me so I may well lie low for a while (apart from the Linked Word game which is a welcome distraction).

Smoking does not help or cure anything and more importantly, we definitely don't need it in even the worst of situations - that's the truth!

9 Replies

  • Take some time for yourself badge.

    Well done on not touching the F-it button, what a test of strength and resolve!

    Doing a great job! Keep it up

    This forum is magic, it helps me every day in so many ways - so glad I found it

  • Welcome back dear Badge.

    Debbie is right- you need to put yourself first now for a time at least. You must be utterly shattered and exhausted (and everything feels worse when you're tired out). You've been there in spades for your poor friend and have managed to hold onto your quit simultaneously, which must have been incredibly hard to do. You've expended so much energy and now it is time to recoup (or you'll make yourself ill).

    Try to relax as much as possible, catch up on your sleep and indulge yourself a bit. Can you take some time out? Even go away for a few days and be looked after?

    Anyway my dear girl, we shall be here for you whenever you feel the urge or need. All the best to you from me. :)

  • Hi Badge, sorry to hear you have been feeling low (to be expected though with what's been going on AND quitting smoking) Very well done for not giving up your quit, relax and try to distract yourself - word game is great. :)

  • Hey Badge give yourself a massive pat on the back for not hitting the F-it button. I was in a similar situation to yourself 2 months in to my quit and know how tempting it must have been to smoke but you think to yourself, what's the point? It doesn't change anything. Get some rest and time to yourself this week x

  • Nice one BP :)

    Where can I get me one of those buttons? I could use it in a million different ways!

    By the way:

  • Hello my lovelies

    Just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU for all your wise words and encouragements. Normally, I would address you one by one and make subjugations of your Forum names but my creative stuffing has got up and wented!

    It is sooooooooooo good not being surrounded by, inhaling, nor smelling of FUMES!! Quitters Unite!!! x

  • Quitters Unite!!! x

    Anagrammers Untie!

  • Anagrammers Untie!


    Badge, you're welcome. Hope you're beginning to relax a bit. I prescribe plenty of sunshine and very little of anything else. :)

  • Dear BP, wow, I'm stoked that you've walked through the valley of evil smokes, and is largely unscathed, save nerves and depleted energy.

    Now I know where to look for you, search in the Month 2 sub-forum ! :D

    Have to agree that the sticks does nothing for us.

    i was wasted last week, perhaps had too much to drink whilst I was depressed, and at a very early 930pm in the evening, my buddy sent me home in a cab. On the way to the cab, he pretty much prescribed the 'button', telling me that, edge, at some point in time, you can take one, and take it easy.

    I looked @ the stick.... imagined lighting it up, and I felt instantly worse.

    So I told him, mate, nopes, it will make me feel worse, and I will be throwing up all over your shirt ! He hastily palmed the stick away, we got home safe. :D

    Have a good rest, be good to yourself, I have been good to myself, looking at the paunch around my tummy, even though I'm pedalling almost 100km a week on my roadie. I just like to eat. :D ( i know the sentences are not joining up...haha)

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