Dear friends,
After a stormy ride yesterday, I made it smoke-free, though bruised and battered, but unscathed by nicotine.
Some things needs to be addressed, in my life, and as part of this journey to an addiction free world.
First, as a note to self, I used to lean on nicotine as a crutch, and provide a pillar of strength to the home in parallel. Now that nicotine has to be out of life somehow, I do feel kinda shakey, but it should be a passing phase. It has to be ! I then need to draw strength from another source, I'm sure I'll figure it out, every family is different. 
Second, this quit has to be for myself, it cannot, and can never be for my OH, or for other people. Otherwise, it will simply collapse like a pack of cards in a gale, easily. :eek: I'm doing it for me, and no one else. This is the ONLY way to succeed, I believe.
Third, work on my delays to triggers, especially the curveballs. Thinking of delaying tactics helps me. E.g. I so need to have one now, and I'll tell myself, "fine go buy a pack, not now, not tomorow, but you know what, just go buy an entire carton (or 10 packs; different brands), next Monday, and go through them next Monday, the nearest Monday. Whatever it is, it cannot be TODAY, but I promise you, the nearest Monday, if you still feel like this, do it. Then go find a corner, burn through the entire carton/packs and start from Day 1, IF you feel like it. " :eek::eek:
Mr Nicodemon is more than satisfied usually, and will settle down to wait, but strangely, he has a short memory span, I'm not sure why. We never gotten to that Monday, thus far.
To my junkie brain, I can't think beyond a week, so I guess the above works for me, for now. 
Wonderful forum, fantastic people, and penning this down feels strangely therapeutic.
Dear friends,
After a stormy ride yesterday, I made it smoke-free, though bruised and battered, but unscathed by nicotine.
Some things needs to be addressed, in my life, and as part of this journey to an addiction free world.
First, as a note to self, I used to lean on nicotine as a crutch, and provide a pillar of strength to the home in parallel. Now that nicotine has to be out of life somehow, I do feel kinda shakey, but it should be a passing phase. It has to be ! I then need to draw strength from another source, I'm sure I'll figure it out, every family is different.
Second, this quit has to be for myself, it cannot, and can never be for my OH, or for other people. Otherwise, it will simply collapse like a pack of cards in a gale, easily. :eek: I'm doing it for me, and no one else. This is the ONLY way to succeed, I believe.
Third, work on my delays to triggers, especially the curveballs. Thinking of delaying tactics helps me. E.g. I so need to have one now, and I'll tell myself, "fine go buy a pack, not now, not tomorow, but you know what, just go buy an entire carton (or 10 packs; different brands), next Monday, and go through them next Monday, the nearest Monday. Whatever it is, it cannot be TODAY, but I promise you, the nearest Monday, if you still feel like this, do it. Then go find a corner, burn through the entire carton/packs and start from Day 1, IF you feel like it. " :eek::eek:
Mr Nicodemon is more than satisfied usually, and will settle down to wait, but strangely, he has a short memory span, I'm not sure why. We never gotten to that Monday, thus far.
To my junkie brain, I can't think beyond a week, so I guess the above works for me, for now.
Wonderful forum, fantastic people, and penning this down feels strangely therapeutic.
Eeeeeeeedged, you are so on track IMHO (she says - I'm only one week ahead quit-wise, and thanks for your note on my post).
Why? Because you are seeing things 'the way they ARE', ie. no denial and telling it like it is. Nicodemon loves a shed load of denial as it keeps people trapped mentally, and as it's our thoughts that inform our actions, you have to 'think', 'I'll have a cigarette' before your hand picks one up. For me, at this early stage, the goal isn't not to have those thoughts (though thank God they do go away, yippee!) but to not ATTACH to them when they come - don't give them air time or enter into dialogue with them.
It's tough at the beginning because everything is being challenged and rearranged - our own habits, others'!, building up the 'no' muscle whereas we've always said yes to fags, a complete life shift internally which naturally has knock-on effects externally!
Go Edged is all I can say. Superb job, great quit, and excellent contribution to the forum. Be proud (and your new source of strength will come - stay open hearted and curious!)